Sunday, August 2, 2009

Gay Blurb

I’m not your stereotypical gay guy, flamboyant expectations need not apply, I never lean in to give a guy a kiss hello, I’m a handshake daps kind of guy who likes to keep introductions mellow, I have no desire to be a girl, take lessons how to do a ballerina twirl, I don’t put on makeup or high heels, and I can’t tell u how wearing knee highs feels, no mascara lipstick cover-up or foundation, and I have no idea what the hell is liquid dermabrasion, I’m not into dressing up like all those drag queens, and u will never catch me wearing tights or skinny jeans, I’ve never painted or polished a single finger or toe nail, and I don’t have a high pitched squeal when I scream out and wail, I don’t shave my legs and definitely not my pits, I’m a work-a-holic so you’ll rarely catch me with oven mitts, my eyebrows have never been tweezed or plucked, I don’t have a unibrow but they can get bushy as fuck, I walk with a bit of a thug's swagger, I hate drama or a boy who is a jealous nagger, me and the guys don’t go to the bathroom with one another, I go out to have fun my mind isn’t always on sex or in the gutter, I’ll sometimes fart even when I’m out in public, if u tell me she’s hot than his looks are a totally acceptable subject, I’m not afraid of bugs or walking alone at night, I don’t pretend to be stupid or ditzy cause I’m actually very bright, I don't like clubs where I have to dance, I’m not a frolicker and I definitely don’t prance, I’d rather chill and relax at a hole in the wall dive bar, and I try not to overcompensate being gay by driving a truck instead of a car, I only have mix drinks if they're strong, I hate things up my butt especially a thong, I really dislike wasting time to shop, I definitely hate to clean having to do laundry or mop, I’m actually pretty good with money, I don’t go tanning but ill lay out at the beach if it’s sunny, I’m a man's man and kind of a sports nut, I work out a lot to get rid of my beer gut, I’d rather play games than watch them on TV, I’m very competitive aggressive and manly, I’m also aggressive when it comes to driving, unlike soap opera characters I’m not underhanded or conniving, if u disrespect me ill knock u out, I may be a homo but I know how to bout, I don’t begrudge nor am I vindictive enough to plot, I’ll tell u straight to your face if you’re the problem I’ve got, I don’t pull hair scratch or bite, I relentlessly jab hook and uppercut when I fight, my mannerisms aren't at all faggy, I don’t wear tight clothes actually they're rather baggy, I do have homosexual tendencies, but I absolutely don’t require any sort of women’s amenities, I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty, me being nice gets misinterpreted as being overly flirty, I love the water and don’t mind my hair getting wet, I’ll confidently jump in any poker game and make a big bluffing bet, my voice is a little nasal but I still talk masculine, and the ladies still hit on me cause I’m pretty straight acting, except I love to suck dick, and its always the male gender I repeatedly pick, I thought about piercing my right ear, but I think too many people would call me queer, I’ve never had any part of my body waxed, and now that I’m out I don’t deny being gay if I’m asked, for all the homophobes out there, your opinion's inconsequential and I just don’t care, u can kiss my ass after I forgot to wipe, after all I define the gay stereotype, not the other way around, only when you’re not blinded by fear and discrimination can u elevate to my level of profound! -Joe Conscious Vacca


Peace and 1

10/17/08

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