The Eternal Battle/Rat Race

Bickering can be as nostalgic as Star Wars, sometimes I look back and wonder why I got desensitized by my fears and flaws, I'd rather pick myself apart, then break another's heart, I'm a delicate soul, but bold and have grown cold, going so long without love, need a healing hug, for just one more minute please, u and ur energy have a beautiful way of putting me at ease, my mind's able to find a lil peace, being a gay white conscious poetic rapper singer songwriter is its own niche, I break down every single stereotype, maybe that's the point to my life, be so revolutionary rebellious and rambunctiously different/original, hip hop was taken over by wankstas not even gangsters and it's disgustingly pitiful, I don't consider myself deadly or bad ass, I didn't come from nothing the ghetto and I'm not tp trash, all I ask, is listen to my music to connect relate awake educate and it'll maybe even make u think and laugh, enjoy each and every single moment cuz it sure as hell flies by fast, don't worry and work too much to make that cash, the journey isn't a race so it doesn't matter who comes in first or last!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/29/15

Don't Come For Me Or My Dream

How do I learn to enjoy this moment in the present, I'm giving a lot but not reciprocally getting, I'm living by the golden rule, while everybody else laughs at or takes advantage of me like a gullible fool, the nice guy finishing last alone, afraid to leave home, cuz I've been there done that, yet I'm back can't recapture or get passed the past, fell into a quicksand trap, psyching myself out with impossible stastics facts and math, which isn't a good thing, I'd love to just write rap and sing, move forward towards fulfillment and happiness, life simply isn't fair nor perfect and ur lucky to get a splash of  bliss, I'm done asking for help and/or advice, me myself and I are responsible for whether or not I live life right, apparently I'm not good at constructive criticism, defense mode kicks in so I shut down and don't listen, expressing valid reasons u label excuses, it's u who says I'm lazy and not doin enough that abuses, I have the right to dream, expect supportive people to join my team, who have the necessary skills I lack and also the green, cuz working hard solo sacrificing and saving is way more improbable than it seems, my passionate soul's running out of steam, but when u try to come for me I can get very spiteful angry and mean!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/28/15

I Just Might To Spite

Got to work extra early but still didn't get the worm, perhaps my turn got burned, caught up in a blaze of fire, at times I too am a hypocritical liar, give unwanted criticism and critique, my art isn't call and response interactive it's a soliloquy speech, take away what u will, I write poetry and have friends instead of a psychiatrist or popping pills, ya'll say I need help I've been asking for for years, being rejected and neglected so long I got lost in my tears and fears, now I'm reduced to a ball of insecurity and nerves, more non music work hurts, all I want is to get up on stage, spit my shit and get paid a decent wage, but hip hop died decades ago, too many disguised friends who play pretend when their foes, this is the life I apparently chose, I just think to myself like Pink sings "nobody knows", it takes time for people to change and grow, other's perception is limited tho, nobody's on my level nor has my heart or soul, I know I have unrealistic dreams and goals, but ur incessant negativity takes a toll, makes me want to run away and succeed to spite, yes I complain and gripe, ur def not the prime example of living life perfectly happy correct or right, ur out of my mind cuz uve been out of sight, don't repeatedly keep pushing me cuz I just might!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/28/15

Happy Holidays JC Style

Please don't hate me, I know I've been annoyingly depressed jealous and spiteful lately, seems I'm the only one defending rap, do blacks have a fag's back, I'm frustrated with the poetic lyricism hip hop lacks, I'm feeling oppressed to the max, and my shit is spilling all over unto others, I'm lucky to have the greatest dad sis and mother, they worry so much out of love, I swear my friend Jay Andrade gives the most amazing healing hugs, for that brief moment problems melt and wash away, I'm not over thinking and like Em "I'm not afraid", I'm blessed to have the best friends, new and old they're there til the end, obviously I'm super sensative deep and intense, sarcastically stubborn intent on raising consciousness/common sense, someday both my time and my prince will come, true Rhode Islanders always wind up back where they came from, it's a very special place, how does my foot taste, that sentence goes against everything I ever said, wish ya'll would understand I'm really just having a conversation with the voices in my head, being a gemini ain't easy that's for sure, wonder will I ever be happy fulfilled and not want more, where's the nostalgia cuz it's Christmas Eve today, no snow is totally weird but anyways...happy holidays!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/24/15

Such Sweet Sorrow

Here today maybe gone tomorrow, leaving home is such sweet sorrow, yet it's a risk I'm willing to take, sorry for ur loss and heartache, but I care more about myself, since ya'll repetedly neglected and ignored my pleas for help, again I'm moving on and forward simply to spite, I don't want this lame RI life, watching others fake happy, while I'm confused whether ya'll laugh with or at me, cuz u think I'm making the wrong choice, hard to distinguish and find my own voice, over all the crazy amount of other people's insecurities fears and noise, I've lost my patience and poise, done apologizing and seeking approval, I'm desperately in need of some waste removal, to create and make room to grow, why is it so hard for me to stop overanalyzing take a leap of faith and just let go!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/23/15

Why So Serious

Need ya'll to tell me to calm down, turn and invert that frown, chill out and relax dude, not everything is that dramatic don't get consumed in doom, the sky is not falling and it's not the end of the world, I'm so overemotional I feel like a girl, I'm sorry I can't get myself under control, but I have this great big hole, in both my heart and soul, rejection boredom and loneliness takes a toll, it's weird to be winter yet not cold, Christmas is a few days away and there's no snow, god it's almost a new year...we're getting old, yes my poems are bold, but in raw genuine honesty there's beauty, I don't agree I'm sexy but I'm definitely a cutie, I too have self esteem issues, hope u got a box of tissues, make music that strikes a chord, leave fans addicted wanting more, playing my songs on repeat, I don't easily accept defeat, I'm super stubborn and aggressive, my family and friends worry out of love and overprotection, no one can save me from myself, if u really want to help, please just don't ever give up on me, understand I'm simply sensitive defensive and take criticism too personally!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/23/15

U So Vain

When I say u it really means me, last time I checked speech was free, u keep building me up for nothing, there's a huge difference between lusting and loving, I'm capable of platonic cuddling and hugging but are u, u use sarcasm and jokes to hide how hurt u are from the lack of empathy and follow thru, some wear their hearts on their sleeves, I leave mine with my whole soul in my poetry, tho they're a reflection of life my experiences and feelings, u shouldn't be believing, I'm above hidden agendas and double meanings, I really hate choice stealing, letters and words like math and music are universal, most my alone down time's spent writing and rehearsing, stop trying to censor, school me or mentor, u might be the one who needs professional help, I mean if u repeatedly talk to urself, like Carly sings "bet u think this song is about u"...it's not, when I say u I mean me in case u forgot!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/23/15

Life's Simply Existential Guess

Ask for unconditional love but with conditions, I see all the hypocrisy in this greedy crooked system, always pick the lesser of two evils, i won't let assholes change how I treat people, even if they continue to do me wrong, care more about the beat then the lyrics in my songs, I can't have unemotional music or sex, yes I think u settle for less then it all or the best, I'm a financial wreck/a hot mess, life's simply existential guess, I'm pretty easy to forget, constantly reminding myself it's just not my time or turn yet, don't worry so much nor fret, overanalyzing's making me frustrated and upset, but I'm over here like I only give what I get, it's self defense, no more walls or fancy fence, enough political correctness fake and false pretense, this is real shit not virtual reality fairytale fantasy land pretend, u broke both my heart and soul and I don't know if I'll mend, i feel like I've lost my best friend, how do I close the door and finally pen that infamous signature..."The End"?!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/22/15

Make My Own Fate

Keep reaching but no one's there to help pull me up, what gives me confidence is knowing my value and worth as well as having lots of self love, not masterbation wise, I'm so over oversexualized guys, who talk a good game and fantacize, but don't seem to realize, tho well intentioned they're incessant mind games teasing and lies, are the reason I cry and want to die, I've decided to take a vow of chastity, no I won't compromise my morals to aid in ur blasphemy, go marry ur best friend, that is a huge accomplishment, no judgment just mad respect, I'm sorry it's my heart I'm trying to protect, I simply want more, a man who'll ravage me like a dirty sexy whore, a combination of passionate love trust and lust, I have both the balls and the guts, to not settle in life, I want music and financial success I guess instead of a wife, actually I'm gay so I should say husband, enough with random hook ups one offs and glory holes built for slutty anonymous cum guzzling, I need my relationships to be real reciprocal honest and balanced, don't want to worry about getting caught cuz we were callous, afterall humans are prone to fallibility error and mistakes, while ya'll wait around for ur destiny to magically happen I make my own fate!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/22/15

Hey Yo What's The Deal

Am i building him or me to be more than just 1 man, perhaps no one could ever truly understand, another's metaphorical hand, best to remember we all have failed plans, is every artist a brilliant illusionist who's mastered a sham, can't believe we let big banks pull the greatest heist/master financial scam, they legally steal repeatedly from poor people, they're fucking disgusting and evil, let's not work harder to give more money to government or pharmaceuticals while I cant pay for heat or eat a meal, u bet ur ass I'm willing to bow beg borrow and/or steal, but at least have the decency to discretely say hey JC/yo Joe why or keep it real with what's the deal, fuck corporate the rich and the greedy wealthy...bitch I'm regal, I dont even get how or what i feel, but u better recognize, I share the truth yet u believe all the gossip and lies, I'm not willing to compromise, cuz u can't see me in my dream in ur conscious mind's eyes, that's right...I've got 2...im gemini!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/21/15

Pass Or Repeat

Feelings like moments pass, do u ever put ur foot in ur mouth or act like an ass, I do both on the daily, aint gonna let them haters derail me, I'm stronger than my insecurities, don't create expectation based on ur failures please, enough with this political correctness, wonder who the next president elect is, or should I say will be, if it's a republican someone kill me, this country's been going down the tubes, it's not pleasant or enjoyable being fucked without lube, enough with the nasty crude lewd attitude, ur straight up rude u prude, grow some balls, use the bathroom stalls, if ur gonna be a lil girl and cry about it, why do u always got to doubt shit, passion and faith are more than half the battle, grow thicker skin if ur easily rattled, life's all obstacles and hurdles, I know ya'll remember Steve but what about Myrtle Urkel, who was the bigger annoyance or geek, do u ever feel like each week is just on repeat?!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/21/15

Wicked Blitzed This Christmas

I give up it's time to say goodbye, I didn't enjoy the journey/ride, felt led on duped and deceived, I no longer have faith or belief, please stay away from me, so I can greive in peace, my soul died today, if u begged me back I'd cave, there isn't anything left to say, I can't wait til May, I'm so sick and it's not the flu, it's the fucking lack of follow thru, what did I do, my gray world's turned blue, next it'll be black, from being stabbed in the back, my patience finally cracked, fuck the love shack, it doesn't exist, like Santa or Jesus it's another fairytale lie to tell the kids, I'm so over Christmas, nobody seems to miss this, they can go multiple days even weeks without a word, the silence is deafening kills me and simply hurts, tired of being alone, living in my parent's home, just wishing ud phone, the only way to calm my nerves is to get wicked blitzed aka stoned! 

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/21/15

Me & My Dreams Are No Joke

How do I let go of all this anger, I bet sex is the quickest way to make friends become strangers, wish I was luckier in life, I tend to focus too much on the plight and strife, like it's only me, oh so bored and lonely, true unconditional love is just hard to find, i drown myself in music sometimes, stay high to keep from losing my mind, I try and I try and I try, when maybe I should stop, keep some secrets close to my heart, cuz if I don't start protecting myself, understand tho well intentioned some simply can't help, what I need is divine intervention/a miracle, so many people think me being a gay white rapper's hysterical, can u even imagine, those closest to knowing ur soul and essence laughing, when u say ur goals and dreams, are selling out stadiums and winning Grammys, come on and at least try to see it with me, I promise to be a quality hip hop icon literally, leaving a long legacy that'll go down as classic in history, how I'll do it is a mystery to us both, please take me more seriously people...I am not a joke!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/19/15

Obnoxious Consciousness

Don't go ghost slowly fading away, wish I woke up next to someone every day, I can barely get a guy to hang once a week, I live modestly meak humble and cheap, don't dare me to make a peep, cuz I'll antagonistically do it, feel it's illusionist to think we choose shit, if everything happens for a reason, why are so many unconvinced and still not believing, what's life's purpose and meaning, are my words revolutionary enough to be considered treason, I'm pretty anti government and money, the levels of carbon emissions and global warming's disturbing not funny, the whole 2 party system is a joke, wish every member of Congress would choke, on all their injustice and hypocrisy, capitalistic corporate culture's corruption really bothers me, where is the love and consciousness, the lack of common sense intelligence and logic is destructive toxic obnoxiousness, ya'll need to wake up pay attention and work together to stop this, to achieve true happiness or if we meaningfully want bliss!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/19/15

Stop Seeking Approval

Hit the nail on the head when u said I'm constantly seeking approval, getting everyone to like and love me may not be doable, can u be too smart to ever be happy, I don't want to portray I hate life cuz it's unfair pointless and crappy, someday my turn will come, trust I won't forget all of u or where I come from, I don't even know how to walk away, still getting over the shame of being gay, it's my own insecurity, why don't I feel worthy, how do I get to where I want to be, it takes a giant leap of faith and unwavering belief, I often wish kids today had more incentives, to fulfill their passionate dreams and be creative/inventive, where are all the entrepreneurs, I shouldn't be labeled selfish spoiled or greedy cuz I still want more, is having both love and financial success possible, please at least acknowledge it's only improbable, don't crush me like that, u claim to have my back, there's a big difference between teach and help, I really don't want to beg grovel cry scream or yell, I'm too tired and don't know how to help myself, I need someone with extreme wealth, cuz this working a 9 to 5 job aint cutting it, I can't make enough to save shit and be gluttonous, I simply want enough to live comfortably, my poetry and music means something to me, it's hard not to take it personally, when the whole world only sees the old version of me, remember we all have regrets and failed plans, u never know what someone's going thru but a lots left up to luck and chance, stop overanalyzing what other's think and just dance, imperfection and fallibility are embodied in the very definition of man!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/17/15

Will I Rise Again

My emotions are tied to others as well as the weather, birds of a feather flock together, I guess I'm just a rare breed, Gemini's are all about extremes, it's in my nature to be intellectual and a good communicator, while also very indecisive anxious and a master debater, after all they grapple with two minds or brains, they bite off more than they can chew/overload their plate, though I'm very flexible versatile and adjustable, super enthusiastic deep intense and apparently gullible to getting in trouble, which seems to be rather infectious, rap superstars gain power cuz fans elect us, they donate to our cause which is our art, yes ur money comes from ur wallet but love and support comes from ur soul and heart, I want empathy and sympathy not pity, let's get down to the brass tax/the nitty gritty, either I rise to the occasion and fulfill my destiny, or give up shut up and let fear get the better of me!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/15/15

F.E.A.R. The Acronym

Why am I so scared, paralyzed by fear, which is just an acronym for false evidence appearing real, I shouldn't be penalized for knowing what I want and expressing how I feel, thank god for good friends, please stop playing pretend, faking it til u make it will still leave u shallow and empty, I wonder if anyone regrets that they met me, I try to be a good person, always presenting my truest genuine self/version, who's gonna protect us, from this wretched political correctness, enough already geez, can no longer live to only people please, time to put myself first, yes rejection hurts, but if u don't love urself no one else can, gotta stop whining and complaining and be a real man. that stands on his own two feet, too stubborn to dwell on failure or defeat, tho we are free to create and fulfill our legacies and destiny, I'm really working hard on trying to build a stronger foundation and a better me!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/14/15

My Dark Side

Sometimes I secretly cry, so depressed with dark doubts I want to die, plot how I'd commit suicide, and then I realize I'm not that guy, I don't run away from problems and hide, I'll look the devil in the eye, laugh with self confidence and pride, I know my value and worth, boredom and loneliness causes this spitefully jealous jerk, to spew such vicious maliciousness, I can't help it I'm so playfully sarcastic kinky and mischievous, all I want is good connection reciprocity and fun, I'm definitely not a one and done hun, I love when both of us cum and cum and cum, until we're tired and literally drained, don't be ashamed or so afraid...I'm not into pain, but I love sexually over stimulating u, all tied up helplessly sensory deprived so there's nothing u can do, except simply relax in ecstasy and let go, sorry I'm only interested in other athletic masculine hot jock bros tho, I love all gays...it's just my preference, predominantly an alpha acting sub who tops vanilla...it takes a lot to get in my back door/entrance, i don't know if I'll ever find my significant other, not promiscuously slutty or into random hookups 1 offs or getting between u and ur kids' mother, but in the meantime I'm open to old fashioned dating and taking on multiple undercover lovers, cuz I fight stereotypes...I'm not a scene queen, tho I know it's taboo I do want to start my own alternative home and team...who's with me?!

Peace and 1,

JC

12/14/15

Love Means Listen More

Gotta learn how to listen, heed my own advice I've been giving, the way we handle the strife in life, defines us more than great financial heights, I always fight with all my might, I do realize I'm not perfect or forever right, should hold off on invading other people's business, I just wanna help everyone achieve dreams true happiness and bliss, we only get one chance at this, it's crazy why shit happens the way it did, we only have so much control, can't overextend my heart and soul, I enjoy ur energy and company especially chillen smoking bowls, discussing secrets private moments gossiping down low stock tips and artistic goals, craigslist scruff and grindr are filled with superficial slutty money hungry trolls, one thing's for sure in presidential elections ignore the primaries extreme media hype and biased polls, all I'm asking for this Christmas is to make out with a hot jock underneath the mistletoe, or a lil loving hugging cuddling snuggling session this winter to avoid the blistering cold!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/12/15

Having Rapping Talent

Is anyone even reading, can u give me a good reason, why I should give up on my dream, it's hard maintaining stability sustainability motivation and steam, many don't believe what they can't feel or see, please I need patience to achieve my legacy/destiny, trying to keep bettering me, stop betting and vetting against the collective we, no more war in the name of democracy, enough with this entitlement mentality and hypocrisy, so many big corporation companies combining creating worldwide monopolies, the US is electing it's way right into their second oligarchy, the whole globe's gone crazy capitalistic, terrorism is on the rise and people are starting riots going ballistic, cops are vicious and malicious, getting away with black murder that's not the least bit inconspicuous, even scenes caught on tape, conservatives are livid so religious and ISIS massacres are allowed against gays, congress is consumed with abuse of power, we're expected to stand down disarm and not be alarmed like dumb ignorant cowards, I don't trust anyone, why should u get to expect my best for free cuz it's fun, that's not how any of this works, u selfish greedy jerks, I know I do have value but how much is having rapping talent worth?!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/11/15

Me & WWIII: Battle Of The Classes

Can fall out of love as quickly as I jumped in, goodbye Adele's Hello after all these years I'm done wondering, if this poem or song is really about u, don't flatter urself dude, trust me I'm so much more than just our interactions, I only show and share a small portion/fraction, I'm wicked multi dimensional and faceted, gangster hip hop and rap's whack and lyrically ratchet, stop trying to make that and fetch happen, omission is a form of entrapment, uve got to express and communicate ur true boundaries and limits, feel like my heart's starting to eclipse, my loving light that used to shine so bright, that it could give the blind sight, helping those poor lost souls in the deep dark parts or cells of hell's depression, it's hard to tell whether I'm a curse or another one of heaven's blessings/divine interventions, seems I only eviscerate crush and hurt people, cuz my words are too conscious or real they're considered evil, u won't confront or face ur fears and/or ur own daemons, yet u let or are led by the head that produces and spews piss and seaman, get em out of ur asses, WWIII isn't a race war it's more religious in nature/battle of the classes.

Peace and 1,

JC

12/11/15

Don't Even Know Me

Yes I do love u but I love me more, what'd u go and break my heart for, it's my own damn fault, protecting my heart like a vault, so I become numb to my overzealousness, consumed by resentment spitefulness and jealousness, how come I don't have it, waa waa waa I've fucking had it, stop ur incessant bitching and complaining, ur self loathing pity parties are draining, suck it up, nobody's entitled to love, can I at least get a hug, friends who dream big and don't act all smug, arrogant and condescending, I'm constantly having to keep defending my intentions of uncensored self expression, no I'm not an opportunist, like Martin Shkreli The Kardashians or Amy Schumer is, but obviously they have or know something I don't, people have the ability to awaken and change they just won't, I'm done trying to save the world, think maybe I should reconsider my relationship with girls, not fully homo or hetero, perhaps I'm asexual, but this loneliness is killing me slowly, how can I expect others to...if I don't even know me?!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/11/15

Would Love Love

Laying in bed alone, still living in my folk's home, I feel like such a failure/loser, a begger can't be a chooser, what's wrong with me, am I repulsive and ugly, someone come cuddle and hug me, so this holiday season's not so sucky, there are nights I cry myself to sleep, why am I so serious over analytical and too deep, it's like my mind's powered by the energizer bunny, i don't think it's funny, to constantly be rejected and ostracized, by wolves in a sheep disguise, u can't forever hide lies, rules inherently get defied, the truth comes out eventually in time, can u sign or mime in rhyme, words hurt sometimes but can't commit crimes, guns nor letters kill...people do, my inner light and love does shine thru, defeating both depression and oppression, should be more aware gracious and thankful for all my blessings, life afterall is short, it's not a competition boardgame race or sport, and unfortunately we only get one chance, I've never asked a man to hold hands or can i have this dance, but I have before to a girl, I would love love more than anything else in the entire world!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/10/15

A World Orgy

Feel brushed and pushed aside, neglect is easy to hide, just smile, big like a crocodile, show them pearly whites, every day I awake is another fight, what is the point to life, besides atrocity slavery and strife, I'm not the type to gripe, or get caught up in the hype, but I too was duped and fooled, wish I never went to college and was home schooled, the roads like the world are congested and overpopulated, why work at a job to just pay bills if u really hate it, shouldn't a sense of accomplishment instigate elated, look at the emprisoning walls ur choices and decisions created, the web woven was of ur own design, did I miss or just oblivious to signs so divine, they can't be seen by man's mind or an ordinary eye, no matter how hard science tries, some things simply have no explanation, we need to practice more transcendental meditation, or perhaps maybe take Ayahuasca, indians jews blacks gays nor muslims are monsters, stop fearing what u don't understand or know, the only way to negate ignorance is thru educational or existential growth, so wake the fuck up, and instead of spreading hate let's all make love!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/10/15

Fears, Failures & False Hope

No I refuse to choose practicality over achieving my dreams, fulfilling them may be as impossible as others make them seem, ur fears and failures aren't mine, stop saying ur just fine, when in reality your depressed as hell, unless ur clairvoyant u can't really tell, I'm not a mind reader, oh ur a bi breeder, more like gay for pay, it's disgusting when partnered people act that way, separate relationships into work hobby domestic vanilla and kink play, San Fran's the mecca for alternative living, I can't be the only one always giving, it simply doesn't work like that, yes I've eternally got ur back, but there are still boundaries and limits, enough with ur fake facades hidden agendas tricks and gimmicks, be ur genuine authentic self, u gotta learn to be brave and ask for help, showing feelings and emotions doesn't make men weak, one of my fetishes is intimacy, being empathetic doesn't mean pity me, my voice is very masculine straight acting and deep when I speak, some say I'm very mellow and soothing, have some rough edges that still need smoothing, nobody is perfect, but everyone deserves and is worth it, loving and being loved, cuddled kissed and hugged, so before u easily greedily throw me away, an adult should know building someone up with false hope is not okay!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/10/15

Gays Go Straight To Hell

Depression may be catchy, anybody think I'm fetchy, i know that's a play on words from the movie Mean Girls, I want my music to be heard all around the world, it actually already is, I'm handling business, afterall I'm only a man just one person, stop nagging pushing and incessantly urging, u can't help the unwilling, are we enabling by always forgiving, ignoring the root cause, chalk it up to a loss, or blatantly look the other way, not only drug addicts and the gays get aids, u should be ashamed at how ya'll behave, u settle and expect sympathy, yet never show any empathy or the slightest pity, which is probably for the better, just when u thought nothing will make u more upsetter, u get a double comparative/ unnecessary modifier, a quick random tangent are ur nipples hardwired, tried to stray away from too studious literary and over grammatically critical, i need to be a lil less serious and educational more lighthearted fun or whimsical, u mistake my sarcasm and take me too literal, discovering I was gay was completely pivotal, it makes me feel special, not crazy retarded or mental, but i wish ISIS and Jesus freaks wouldn't believe homosexuality's wrong illegal or an evil sin we choose it's not dealt, and they repetedly tell us we're all going straight to hell!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/9/15

Gotta Ask To Be Rewarded

Think today will be the last, perhaps being trapped in the past, has actually hurt more then helped, still far from financial stability and wealth, got nothing really to show, underestimated how hard it is to grow, not to mention patience the unforgettable virtue, love lost is the hardest thing to work thru, time I think to give up, simply have had enough of being stuck, unable to plow on like a mac truck, perpetual loneliness sucks, sorry for complaining and making such a fuss, but I need some luck, to get out of this god forsaken rut, if things don't start going my way, I'll hop on the highway, leave and never look back, so much stress here i'm about to have a heart attack, overwhelmed by anxiety again, I don't want a psychologist I need friends, how are u appreciative of all that u lack, seem to be the butt of jokes u don't laugh with u laugh at, I'm super naive and oblivious, some sexual passes are ridiculous, be genuine honest and straight forward, if u never learn to ask ull never be rewarded!

Peace and 1,

JC

12/9/15

Hear Co-Dependancy Calling

And like that everything's changed, now it seems so awkward and strange, how do I not fan the flames, aint trying to keep secrets or play games, time to retract, revert reverse or take a step back, catch my bearings, sure sharing is caring, but my heart is fragile and easily broken, it's so nice to have friends who are more into smoking, drinking isn't really my thing, the next day I feel fucking disgusting, dehydrated and hung over, don't like getting the cold shoulder, or long stretches of wretched silence, extreme quiet is maddening and can cause violence, I think co-dependency is the major issue, u probably use each others tissue, perhaps it's just jealousy rearing it's ugly head, lonliness leads to depression and without support can end in death, suicide has become increasingly common, the level of terrorist organizations and mass shootings is alarming, so many kids are homeless and starving, look at the legacy legalizing gay marriage and pot is carving, could we be on the verge of WWIII, war is real bloody and has very deadly consequences...it isn't like the wii, those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it, ur true character's revealed in how u react after being defeated, afterall we're defined by if we rise after falling, are u conscious and courageous enough to answer ur calling?
 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/9/15

Don't Blow Up Spots

What I want to talk about is offensive to others, and I don't want to censor myself or blow up the spot of my brothers or undercover lovers, I think everyone has their secrets, the question is can u keep it, are u trustworthy and loyal, do u easily crack or more hard boiled, I don't however want to be an enabler, unlike How To Get Away With Murder I won't be ur gravedigger, we all have hard tough choices to make, perhaps ull see things clearer after some time and space, I'm not perfect but I won't settle, instead of just talking about ur dreams and fantasies put the peddle to the metal, shut up and drive, with the top down u feel so alive, as free as the wind and air, doesn't matter that I don't have long flowing hair, or that I'm short, yes i'm a good sport, but I too would like a boo/cohort, to walk thru life with, unconditional companionship is a gift, trying not to spill the T but rather take a sip, tough not to burn bridges or my lips, that's what happens playing with hot fire, don't turn into one of those hidden agenda manipulative liars, some sins are unforgiveable impossible to heal and mend, maybe let's just be best buds and friends til the end!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/9/15

Don't Forget To Use Lube

Can't find that guy I'm compatible with both in and out of the bedroom, how many good friendship relationships has sex ruined, I give up on the idea of fairytale monogamous love, course u want ur dick sucked without the strings attached to cuddle and hug, that's called having the best of both worlds, lately I get hit on more by girls, easier to find a married man with kids willing to cheat on his wife, than to meet a decent single masc gay guy to date and share my life, which aint fair or right, every day is another fight, I really wanna lay down give up and die, lost the motivation for music and to even put my heart out there to try, rather crawl in bed with my body pillow and cry, all I can think of is what's wrong with me or why, perhaps it's me who's got it wrong, maybe I'll be known more for poetry than my hip hop songs, tho I know my soul is strong, I gain confidence smoking a blunt or bowl or ripping the bong, how do I become numb, existence is dumb, want to figure out the point but there doesn't seem to be one, the evil people have all the fun, I feel too bad, while they simply laugh at the fact I get so emotional and sad, til I boil over mad, that I fell for ur illusion, ur icky tricky delusion confusion, like my grampy used to say "ur cruising for a bruising", now im all sore raw contused and abused from u using me without lubing, it's not just the memory that hurts, but what makes it abundantly worse, u get to go home to ur boo dude, while I have nothing and no one to turn to!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/9/15

Can U Stand Still & Grow

I've been so focused on everybody else, I'm totally neglecting myself, what's so humiliating about asking for help, all people dream of extreme wealth, but enough is never enough and we want more and more and more, we're a bunch of greedy selfish whores, dirty filthy gluttonous pigs who take and take and take yet rarely give, so many robotic zombified stifled stepford souls that don't truly live, have u ever met someone tho who made ur heart jump or skip, crazy enough to do the dare and skinny dip, let me see u dance and sway those hips, I'll be there to catch him when he falls or slips, put up with his bipolaresque hissy fits, hate to see him grumpy miserable unfulfilled or sick puking with the shits, sorry for getting all disgusting vulgar and gross, but there's and ugly side to life no one talks about but everyone knows, that's just the way it is and how it goes, whichever way the wind blows, I'll follow my passionate driven gut and with a lil luck I may find a place I can book hip hop shows, happiness happens so sluggishly slow, karma can be so cold it scolds, what if I never fit the mold, can a man stand sit or stay still yet still grow?!

Peace and 1,

JC

12/8/15

No Personal Gain

No gun regulations rules or laws, with wars galore, capitalism's all about more, what are u so against an independent third party for, I mean isn't it good to have competition, wish ya'll would wake up pay attention and listen, really read the lyrical words, they're harshly conscious but never intended to be judgemental spread hate or hurt, I'm prone to oversharing giving and putting 210% into my work, killing people just makes problems worse, wish everybody would get their hands out of my pockets or murse, u know a male purse, jk I'm such a sarcastic nerd, but that's really what I've heard they call it, personally I've always preferred a wallet, made of leather or a fave of mine duct tape, i need to be way more patient and wait, accept the fact I can only inspire change, be careful not to break the cardinal rule of using magical powers or gifts...no personal gain!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/6/15

Bunch Of Fricken Hypocrites

It's nice to finally have what I want and what I need, it actually reinvigorates my faith and my belief, that everything and everyone u meet is for a reason, it always changes like the seasons, except in SoCal where the weather's wild and freaky, life is not a game or a race to be won and some will excel progress faster than and even beat me, so much more of a journey gotta learn to enjoy the ride, don't just rely on getting high, perhaps that bad habit is a crutch, but u know when ur without any I totally come up clutch, when I start to get overwhelmed with anxiety, I try to calm my mind down by simply trying to breathe deep, grab hold of my feelings and emotions, there's definitely magical powers being close to the ocean, I do recognize how I'm very lucky and blessed, sorry for being so poetry and music career driven and obsessed, not out to battle bout or be the best, willing to take whatever obstacles and tests, god karma or the universe throws my way, won't focus my energy anymore on gaining support from my community known as "the gays", since u repeatedly reject my services and love, I will not play politics suck dick or be a notch on ur belt of guys uve fucked, I've had enough of ur shallow superficial shit, get over urselves we all need help and are just a bunch of fricken hypocrites!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/2/15

Give Myself Permission

I know what I want until someone starts asking me, I'm afraid to share cuz when I do ya'll call me crazy harassingly, my dreams seem impossible to achieve, why won't u just have faith and believe, do u think I don't know how hard it is, I'm sorry if ur unfulfilled and unhappy with ur personal affairs and business, but I am not ur failed plans, guess I gotta pull up my boot straps and be a man, quit bitching and complaining, about how my life is so awful soulsucking and draining, think maybe tho when u stop crying and whining, it's because over half ur heart's been slowly eroding and dying, every time I don't get picked, it get's harder and harder to find the will to live, what's the point to life, if it's only to work pay bills and somehow manage to survive all the strife, then there's the atrocity that lingers and bothers me, it's just not the right time for me obviously, but my patience has run thin, when will I learn to let go so the real healing can begin, gotta give myself more credit and permission, it's overwhelmingly stressful and depressing secretly hoping and wishing, nice guys don't have to automatically fall prey or victim, staying single isn't a sin!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/30/15

Tied The Knot...NOT

If sharing is caring I think it's time to stop, cuz I seriously need to rebuild a stronger core foundation and learn how to guard my heart, if u thought the kitchen was hot, try being on stage directly under the spotlight, yes getting to rap superstar status is improbable but not impossible if ur willing to sacrifice stay driven and fight, I have enough passion and creativity to raise the whole globe, to an existential level where peace and love leads and takes hold, eradicates prejudice injustice and war, people refrain from marrying young to find the reason and true purpose they're here for, we all have our own skill sets of strengths weaknesses and talents, wish men had some old school swagger class and style rocking the masculine chivalry and valiance, can anybody tell me what the hell happened, why won't u listen to the words I'm saying and asking, I've been spoon feeding u pieces of me for years, all my dreams wishes fetishes feelings and fears, but now it's just too late, I've given up on that fate, I'm sorry I simply don't have that type of patience to wait, u know I'm always open and willing to play, but I gotta go find my guy who's unattached uninhibited and actually available, perhaps we will still have phone sex watch porn together and send raunchy horny text messages or email, love is like the holy grail, be careful which cup, u choose to take a sip of, cuz once u give it up u don't automatically get it back, emotional intimacy and reciprocity most men lack, those are feminine traits, maybe that indicates makes or insinuates gays, who knows I mean never say never, I haven't thought about tying that type of knot ever, don't necessarily believe in monogamy forever, I have hope there's more than just one someone that can help make me and my life better, I think that's a lot of pressure putting all ur eggs in one basket, we come in and out of this world alone it takes 2 incomes to own a home but only 1 body fits in a casket!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/1/15

Not Chozen

U said I'll always be there for u, that is until it's time to choose, which is when I loose, so lost and confused, emotionally abused, both my heart and soul are contused, why am I not Chozen or the one picked, how do u stand  having ur ass kicked, repeatedly, until I give up defeatedly, at a certain point, without any clout or coin, i will just move on, instead of submissive I'll transform to dom, perhaps I don't deserve love, shouldn't success be enough, ur too greedy, publically needy, another dirty lil secret, and writing about this shit won't keep it, so then what's my choice, do I suck it up and censor my voice, stay quiet and hidden, stick with sarcastic kidding, act like what we have doesn't exist, wish I knew I was gay back when we were kids, seems I missed most of my opportunity, the odds of finding true love at this point seem puny, can't muni take me straight to an early grave, I feel like god will spitefully strike me down if I don't behave, gotta learn to better ride the waves, stop worrying so much live for the moment and focus on today!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/30/15

Good Day & Good Luck

I'm so sick and tired of trying to find myself, I desperately need professional help, I'm going fricken crazy, if I hear one more person thinks I'm lazy, I'm just gonna blow my damn brains out, feel like my heart's got gout, I know who I am and what I want ya'll just don't think I deserve it, apparently I haven't earned shit, I just can't do enough, constantly defending my choice of pursuing music over love, I mean I'm 33 and still single, imagine being surrounded by unavailable couples who secretly mingle, except when it comes to me, I must be retched ratchet disgusting or straight up fucking ugly, I'm like Dory but instead of swimming I say just keep smiling, they're not really perfect or happy they're faking and lying, I've heard it from the horse's mouth, I have no more strength to verbally bout, I'm finally throwing in the towel and giving up, wish ya'll nothing but the best good day and good luck!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

11/30/15

Outta My Damn Mind

Always get into trouble when writing about certain people, words can work such wonders but can also reek havoc and be evil, I'm far from perfect in fact I'm beautifully flawed, I don't see sex or relationships as a sport, we make up our own limitations and rules, communication tho is the key or the vital tool, it's hard not feeling like sloppy seconds, never the groom always just best friends, and what's so bad about that, don't worry about the love I lack, I've got it in abundance and plenty, I'm not flirting with u it's called being sociable and friendly, at the end of the day I choose music, fortune and fame's a lonely road with a lot of haters so I better get used to it, perhaps this was yet another unwanted sign, it's about that time to finally leave the past behind, get on my grind, and hopefully I'll find an opportunity or my chance to shine, like the bright light/star I was meant to be, I know hip hop and poetry are my destiny, and before u know it u'll have moved on and forgotten all about me, maybe then u'll sleep more soundly, I can't even begin to decide how on earth to say goodbye, it's like the memories of lost loved ones who've died, I'd rather let them eventually fade away cuz after all out of sight means out of mind!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

11/30/15

It's All Out Of Love

Super grateful for the harsh truth and raw honesty I've gotten over the past couple of years, at times it's been tough to take but I've conquered and faced a lot of obstacles and fears, this damn reflection in the mirror, has got me looking colder and older over seeing things realer or clearer, everything I've been thru has made me stronger and the resilient man that I am, that being said I struggle tremendously emotionally holding on as long as I can, hide the pain away behind a bright white fake smile, we're guilty til proven innocent there's no speedy fair jury trial, I feel completely depleated defeated and broken, I wanna crawl back into bed and not stop toking, til my mind goes so hazy lazy and foggy maybe I won't excessively keep overthinking and analyzing, I really can't stand faking it til u make it trying minimizing lying, the happiness u reap will be just as superficial hypocritical and shallow, why is the majority so short sighted one dimensional and narrow, lord give me the strength courage and patience to make my own life choices with conviction and stick to them, or how about u give me a primary partner instead of a kinky semi platonic non mutual best friend, seems he reaps all the benefits gets his smorgasbord of cakes and can eat them too, I'm just the naïve gullible heart-broken sleeping alone fool, I've never had to shield protect and defend myself as much as I've had to being back here in lil Rhodey, I know most of u only know and see me as just Joe or to a rare few Joey, I wish tho sometimes instead of ur overly critical sarcasm ud simply shut up and give me a hug, ya'll challenge the shit outta me but I know it comes from a good place...it's all out of love!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/30/15

Way Off Balance & Unhappy

What if in this life I don't make it big, will I be ok learn to live and be happy with it, I feel like that's a lot to ask, I know that's an argument I'd rather not rehash, I'm really struggling with my purpose, why do we perpetuate bad behavior that only hurts us, I'm such a masochist, a democratic socialist/passifist, come on now my signature is peace and one love, I'm all about weed and hugs, i chose money over monogamy, but how do I stop jealousy and envy from bothering me, everybody seems to be moving ahead forward while I stand still, no matter what I seem to come across spoiled privileged and unfulfilled, perhaps I'm too needy, unbelievably selfish and greedy, maybe I really have no talent, and what I thought was close to equilibrium was way off balance, obviously I don't know myself well, is it time to revisit some professional help, I think the best remedy for me is simply friendship and fair equitable distribution of wealth!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/29/15

Is Love A Kid's Myth

Life ain't fair and I can't get over it, why don't I just let go of shit, perhaps in wanting it all I get nothing, maybe my behavior is what's been disgusting, presumptuously tearing others down out of jealousy and spite, blaming everybody else for my plight isn't right, makes me look like a self absorbed ass, but I have respectfully and nicely asked, scratched ur back, without anything in return, how many times have i been burned, i just want opportunity and support when's it my turn, at what point have i proven and earned, my place in the ranks among the elite, please lord I need relief from all this grief, am I meant to be coupled, or the single third wheel who causes promiscuous trouble, never in a relationship of my own, will I ever recapture that euphoric mirage-like feeling called home, which is where the heart is, perhaps similar to Santa Jesus and other fairy fable tale myths, or the old school cereal called Trix...they're just for kids!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/29/15

Alrighty Then

Glitter glitter everywhere, in the village the lil people have no worries cares or fear, wish we could be like Mary Poppins and jump in there, I've got plenty of imagination to go around, some say too intense verbose and profound, I wanna be world renowned, like Mariah have more # 1s than we can seem to remember/count, and of course here comes negative Nancy, who cares if I play pretend I'm all classy grand and fancy, like Barbara Streisand sings "don't rain on my parade", stop being faggoty girly and gay, just cuz shit isn't going ur way, I was up last night way late, trying to perfect each piece finding their place, please don't come in and destroy my vibe, kill our good hood time, everyone in the ghetto smokes, go ahead and make some more jokes, of course ya'll a bunch of comedians, exploitive capitalistic soulless vultures aka greedy men, another selfish member of the white one percent, as Ace Ventura would say..."alrighty then"!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/29/15

Seems So Unnatural

How are u functioning without any sleep, that can't be healthy surviving on espresso and coffee, bitch u crazy, whoops a daisy, it's like forgetting to eat, until u stop and wonder why ur so grumpy, oh that's alright, I'll have a cigarette and pack the pipe, apparently ur a night owl, a harsher critic than Simon Cowell, but brutal honesty, is as rare as genuine modesty, chivalry is as dead as hip hop, I could never pop and lock, I'm so not a dancer, hope Alzheimers isn't as hereditary as cancer, if so I'm scared of being alone, waking up everyday not knowing I live at an old folks home, no idea of who I am, who's my real friends and fam, verses nurses doctors and hospital staff, i try to put on a brave mask, but it's a very scary thought, I need at least a cohort, otherwise I'm screwed, there is some good news, I won't have to worry about bills or food, in fact I probably will forget even how to tie my own shoes, tell the difference between water and booze, maybe homosexuality is a characteristic I can choose to loose, perhaps luck is like a giant metaphorical game of duck duck goose, wish the universe and I could call a truce, tho I don't think life or love is harder cuz i like dudes, like the Indians persecuted before the jews, ISIS Republicans and Russians are anti gay too, hatred prejudice and discrimination are phenomena that actually just naturally ensues!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/29/15

Lots Of Lust & Guts

Here let me rub ur feet, it'll help lull u to sleep, lay back and relax, or put ur head in my lap, I just wanna please u, cuddle and tease too, get all hot horny and bothered, maybe tied spreadeagle gagged and collared, like a good kinky piggy or pup, duct tape fixes everything and'll shut em up, oh the crazy dirty things we do for the people we love, intimacy is awesome but nothing like a raunchy steamy hard core raw fuck, sorry my dick got a lil bit carried away, damn man ur a constant reminder I'm gay, u make my member start to jump twitch and chub, with the friction of ur touch or a healing hug, i turn to guck and mush, lost in the insanity of lust, guess I've been a stupid shmuch, but now with u in my life I've finally found some luck, cuz of u each and every day doesn't suck so much, u might say I'm both love and star struck, following passion and faith takes guts, I do believe dreams can come true, but that's only because I magically met u!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/29/15

Could Never Get Enough Of

I often ponder how I'm perceived by other people, will I succumb to the numb or the forces of evil, feel like Harry Potter, refuse to become ignorant dumb or food to feed the drama/fodder, leave me be, respect my privacy, look what media did to princess Di, shit paparazzi are the reason she died, and the whole globe weeped and cried, the nice guy who's a bit bashful and shy, winds up finishing last every single time, wonder if here in hell being a good persons actually subliminally a crime, they embed capitalistic consumerism in our subconsciouses and minds, i find if it's meant to be the universe will make magic happen and it aligns, ask and u shall receive but will u see the signs, when the bell tolls and chimes, finally lift ur head in relief from that 9 to 9 soulsucking grind, go home to ur love, chillax and put ur stinky feet up, yes I'll give u a bomb ass happy ending massage/rub, then we can smoke and get grub, fuck then cuddle and snuggle in bed and hug, giggle a little as I try to fall asleep between u snoring and the pup...my 2 love bug lugs...I could never get enough of!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/27/15

Cum Cuddle

I can cum and cuddle with anyone and shouldn't be judged, it's not like I have monogamous love, don't hate the player hate the game, no more sex regrets or shame, i know what I want and like, I'm aggressive unafraid to chase a lil or fight, if it feels right, u can't recapture memories and moments twice, don't worry so much about the price of life, there will inevitably be tragedy atrocity plight and strife, i want a Grammy way more than a wife, but not at the expense of having friends and family, I know not everyone can stand tolerate and/or handle me, what can I say I'm a needy people person, even rich or in retirement I'll still be working, writing tons of poems and songs, taking rips from spliffs blunts bowls and bongs, surrounded by beautiful babes in g-strings jockstraps and thongs, driving by big rigs I signal out the window to try and get them to blow their horns, hard to tell if ur god or the devil's spawn, u are defined by how u treat others uve now been forewarned, keep ur head up like Pac said cuz together we can weather any storm, hugging and snuggling are the absolute best, let's all unite to have one giant international cuddle fest!
Peace and 1,
JC
11/26/15

Ain't Too Proud To Beg

Do u ever feel like an imposition, are u even paying attention or listening, always seem to be in the way, don't fit in with other stereotypical gays, people pressume I'm straight, implies I may have a lonely fate, I get hit on more by girls than guys, can't help but wonder why, what can I do to change the way others see me, I'd love fortune and fame but i'm not vein or greedy, I just know I'm talented and have value, I work as a paralegal cuz financially I have to, not really tho that's what they want u to think, robotic slaves can't do anything, unless their master maker says so, letting ur emotions fester and grow, without letting go, will eventually make u blow or explode, it's ok to cry, especially if a loved one dies, that doesn't make u weak, use ur brain before u speak, sometimes u have to trust and leap, the bigger the risk the more reward u reap, happiness ain't cheap, stop being a predatory creep, if u can't read don't expect to become a member of the elite, knowledge is power, should never run away hide or cower, u gotta learn to stick up for yourself, it's so stupid and mysoginistic to be too proud to beg or ask for help!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

11/25/15

Life Lust & Love

Life is definitely an interesting ride, can be a love/hate relationship at times, I know I can be a bit much with my rhymes, but they are all mine, no one could ever replace, this smile or this face, regrets are the only real waste, perhaps I've got an addicting taste, fuck virginity and staying chaste, let lust flow, another fag for a blow and go, in the bathroom stall of the local watering or glory hole, what is ur ultimate purpose or goal, how much are ur heart and soul worth, is size more important than girth, take off ur pants and shirt, notice I didn't say skirt, yes femme and trans phobia lurks, but preference isn't discrimination, ya'll being divided and conquered by ignorance fear and ur own self loathing and hating, I'm done sitting silent and waiting, for some asshole to blow us all up, this holiday season I'm just thankful for my friends fans and fam who continue to show me love, so keep on keeping on moving forward and living, be kind to others and have a wonderfully happy Thanksgiving!

Peace and 1,

JC

11/25/15

WARNING

How do I let go of jealousy, get people to listen to my words instead of the melody, I know my beats are great, that's why I picked em mate, u can't help who u love, when do u chase or give up, I don't have the strength to ask again, stop overextending friends, some are just meant to be fans, why won't u follow thru with plans, alone is so boring, does ur partner know about ur whoring, ur obnoxious snoring, u should come with a warning, let's see how long I can remain silent, which drives me crazy with thoughts of violence, I hate the stupid quiet game, always the third wheel which is lame, maybe it's another test, moving on and leaving's perhaps for the best, I mean really, RI is stifling suffocating and killing me, I need to be breathe and express myself, I am not my parents or their wealth, please for the sake of my mental health, wake up get off ur ass and actually help!
 

Peace and 1,

JC

11/24/15

What Do U Do

Yesterday I was all about that dick, i know I'm aggressive stubborn and thick, especially when it comes to being antagonistic, I'm here to maintain balance I think, please don't let consciousness go extinct, humanity is at a crossroads/brink, something big is gonna happen, won't see the wealthy rich 1% laughing, it's time for we the people to take action, the world's compassion is completely lacking, perhaps it's too much for me to be asking, the whole globe is cracking, falling apart at the seems, we've lost our groovy steam, shouldn't ever give up on ur dreams, like or share my music and poetry more than my pics and memes, i need all ur help love and support, desperately seeking a gbf or cohort, who turns friendship into a sport, will play pretend fantasyland or build a fort, by my side to slay and thwart, evil discrimination hatred pimples or warts, I'd never judge or make fun of u, cuz i try to always live by the golden rule, i may not be popular or cool, but I at least follow thru, continue to fight for equality and truth, tell me tho...what do u do?!?

Peace and 1,
JC
11/24/15

Tolerance Vs. Acceptance

I got u on my mind, as made obvious by my rhymes, I'm guessing ya'll are smart enough to read between the lines, how do I break out these confines, trapped in a box, men are ruled by their cocks, while I'm so overemotional, love lost leaves me totaled, completely destroyed and ruined, could give two fucks what everybody else is doing, i'm concentrating and focused on me, this can't be my destiny's enui, why do i fight so hard, wish instead of shin we had heart guards, honestly I can't take much more, what is all this pain for, I know they say we don't get what we can't handle, but I feel unequipped and almost dismantled, i've lost my confidence and strength, seems I'm always bent, cuz living life sober, makes me wanna close my eyes until it's all over, to wake and face yet another day, is like asking a gay to have faith and pray, what is the mutha fucking point, it just gets me even more annoyed, I've really haddit, feel like I'm a low level scum/faggot, how do I find the courage to perservere, when I'm only tolerated instead of fully accepted for being queer?!
 

Peace and 1,

JC

11/23/15

Spoofing An Illusion

Are u real or just another illusion, my heart can't take anymore confusion contusions or bruising, ur sensuality is simply oozing, ur energy is calming and soothing, but I don't want to get caught up in ur love, u give such wonderful revitalizing hugs, but enough is enough, keeping u at bay is tough, feelings aren't easily controled, sick of assholes sucking dry my soul, why don't u go home, leave me be bored and alone, cuz im done with unavailable people, I thought money was the root of all evil, apparently tho I was mistaken, nothing worse than friendship faking, seems that at the end of the day, we can't be in a platonic relationship if we're both gay, just doesn't work that way, still I hope and pray, eventually someone will want me all to themselves, holds my hand and always there to help, wicked sick and utterly tired, of the incessant flakes and liars, I'm about to hibernate forever, but then I dream of u and I together, waking up to remember, I'm the only one jerking off my member, cuddling with a body pillow, probably more rejected than Willow, can't stand this superficial world, gay is not synonymous with being a girl, ignorance is running rampant and widely spread, it's absolutely disgusting what u will do to prosper and get ahead, why won't we see thru the bullshit that's been fed, I often wonder if life's really just a spoof of The Walking Dead!
 

Peace and 1,

JC

11/23/15

I Lean On Me

My moments of depressive misery, are when peeps be too busy for me, it must be nice to have a partner in crime, someone to lean on in dark times, I'm so used to doing everything alone, discouraged about finding my own home, I'm a great third wheel, but apparently I don't have partner appeal, I understand I can barely stand myself, u know the old adage about help, unless it helps them too, they ain't gonna do, probably will tell u they will tho, I mean it's just Joe, he won't mind, he's such a nice guy, that always seems to finish last, who'll do pretty much anything u ask, but such a prude about taking it up the ass, doesn't appear to be about money or sex, totally not conceited egotistical or trying to be the best, in fact he's extremely humble and occasionally modest, 90% loyal and honest, the rest is up to u, will u follow thru with a smooch, or let another opportunity pass u by, u've got ur equal by ur side, I have too much pride to simply stand by, and watch my love being taken away, it's not limited or finite so don't be afraid, be patient and wait, stop chasing the devil's bait, be careful not to fall victim and become karma's prey, evil naturally occurs and lurks in the universe, pain pigs thrive and find pleasure when it hurts, I don't believe I'm cursed at birth, tho I'm far from perfect I know my value and worth!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/23/15

When Love Won Over Time

Time reminds me im always late, philosopher of free will vs preslated fate, if u can choose to be or not, why then haven't I got, the success story, of how a gay white rapper rose to glory, the next revolutionary like Harvey Milk, the rose that grew from the concrete has started to wilt, we've lost our way, perhaps it's a lack of faith, political correctness bullies with shame, being black woman Muslim or gay isn't the same, but it's all discrimination and hate, don't believe in fiery hell or heaven's pearly white gates, it's all fiction/fake, it's finally time to awake, and make education and consciousness a priority, if every single one of us minorities, united together as one with love, ain't nothing could ever conquer or victimize us!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/22/15

Is Faith Masochistic Torture

A whole weekend without seeing u is torture, hope u like the early christmas present ur partner bought ya, so now ull be online more, since ur screen is no longer cracked like before, why am i so addicted to u, like a tool fool or babbling bafoon, i lose all self control, what is my ultimate goal, mystified by the unavailable, the rights to life liberty and pursuit of happiness are inalieable, perhaps I was quick to say no, u know how relationships come and go, especially in the gay community, I refuse to let lust or my dick rule me, i'm attracted to creative intraverted wallflowers and fixer-uppers, but draw the line if u voted for George W (Dubbya), esp if ur black a girl or gay, are u mascochists or just ignorant to self hate, any minority that is a republican conservative, doesn't deserve to live, no I really don't mean or believe that, it's simply a rhyme to complete my poem/rap, I can't understand tho ur rationale or logic, ur either a glutton for punishment or straight up retarded, not like liberals are any better, snuggled cuddled next to u during stormy weather, is the only thing that can get me thru this election season, I'm about to start a riot chaos and get arrested for treason, for no other reason, than the US government and judicial system are no longer worth having faith or believing in!

Peace and 1,

JC

11/20/15

Gobbledy Goop Mush Or Goo

Please don't ever be afraid of me, tho I may not stay u will never leave, once uve earned a spot in my heart, no matter the amount of time or how far we are apart, u will forever remain there, seriously have no fear, my love and friendship are eternal, almost family-like/fraternal, u bring out the best in people, ur the quintessential needle, and this planet is the haystack, u have the ability most other gays lack, random hookups and sex isn't what I aim at I hate that, is loneliness karma's payback, for aggressively looking for love, man do u give the most energetic hugs, u heal me with affection, just being in ur presence I feel the magical protection, it's like nothing can penetrate, u give me the patience to wait, u make my soul feel great, indestructible like I won't break, no matter what obstacles arise, when I'm high the dead giveaway's my eyes, u see past the superficial shit, give me the strength courage and confidence to handle it, the stress and pressure of life, u could cut the sensual tension with a knife, every single moment I'm around u, I melt into a pile of gobbledy goop mush or goo, becoming a poet at a loss for words, what could possibly be any worse, perhaps there's no reverse for solitude's curse, but trying to imagine my world without u in it really hurts!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/19/15

Victim Without A Support System

The only thing harder to do than stay is leave, why did it take this long for us to meet, funny how the universe works, there've been so many flakes fakes and jerks, all along the way, I figured I'd never find a best friend who's gay, I don't know what my future holds, I'm such an antagonist to authority never doing what I'm told, I'm a revolutionary rebel, I'll take a Grammy or a million bucks instead of a medal, for my poetry and hip hop music, the media attention celebrities get do they ever get used to it, it's something I often wonder, imagine being picked apart for every mistake accident or blunder, everybody all up in ur personal life/business, those reality tv competition judges are extremely vicious, I mean they'll tear u apart and rip ur heart out, crush every single dream and ounce of confidence left in u to bout, leaving u nothing but a hopeless victim, why don't u have any type of support system, does the power of love really conquer all, at least now I have someone like u to catch me when I stumble or fall!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/19/15

Success & Happiness

Like Leona sings "I just wanna be happy", but why do I feel so stifled and crappy, honestly every day motivating myself is a struggle, feel excluded from the cool gang huddle, always riding solo, cuz peeps keep forgetting yolo, while u all are busy focusing on monogamy and money, I'm over here crying laughing so hard ur funny, the miseducation is atrocious, seems to be successful in the music industry u must be precocious, did u grab ur thesaurus yet, I can't help but forget, how numb dumb and ignorant we truly are, achieving happiness and fulfillment shouldn't be this God damn hard, enough already, why can't I get my life balanced sustainable and rock steady, seems the universe works against me constantly, u shoot down my goals wishes and dreams obnoxiously, just like the haters, don't wanna be a paralegal and/or a waiter, and only do poetry and hip hop on the side, when will it be my time, cuz it's running out while my patience is thin, I can't wait til my success story finally begins!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/18/15

So Fucking Out

You're so fucking god damn lazy, and it is driving me ridiculously crazy, make up ur mind, stop wasting my time, u say u wanna help, but selfishly look out for just urself, I make tons of compromises for u, while there's never any follow thru, at least on your behalf, why do I even ask, I give and give yet all u do is take, learn the definition of reciprocate, friendships can't be just one way, perhaps 2 dudes can't be friends cuz they're both gay, all for sure... I know, is that ur sarcasm and jokes, are no longer wanted, look at everything uve got and flaunted, I don't expect a lot, now that u can't easily get me pot, our dynamic has changed, I'm so resentful I'm showing my fangs, when is enough enough, if u continue to neglect and reject my love, one of these days I'm gonna snap, what is it that u don't grasp, I don't want ur dick or ass, I have to simply sit back and laugh, I guess it's me who's the real fool, I don't work so hard to support or for u, I thought u were pretty open minded and cool, now I realize I was nothing more than a useful tool, I'm not talking about being a human footstool, laugh out loud, fuck u fuck u fuck u...I'm out!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/16/15

Do Women=Men

All men are created equal but what about women, will Eve or Mary Magdalene ever be forgiven, they do so much to stick out and try to be the best, shave all their body hair even augment their face and chest, suffer standing in those stiletto high heels, spew and/or maybe skip a few meals, all just to stay sexy skinny and thin, resorting to a c-section to birth their next of kin, after all guys hate stretch marks, brains preferred over beauty's a farce, who cares if she's got smarts, does her va-j-j create sparks, can she cook and clean, is it that time of month or is she straight up bitchy and mean, periods should remain in sentences where they belong, her best feature better be sucking shlong, and don't forget to play with the balls, please refrain from spending my paycheck at the malls, carrying on with girlfriends on endless phone calls, save it for girl talk time in the bathroom stalls, or while powdering your nose, add some blush to both sets of cheeks when your indisposed, not clothed, and the door or blinds forgot to get closed, I'll buy u a white t-shirt for later on when u get hosed, or a nice thong for under that mini-skirt for when the wind blows, you know how it goes, bend over girl and touch them toes, let me see your best O face, honey I'm immune to mace, I hope u brought the cuffs, cuz ooh baby I like it rough, enough is never enough, nothing like a woman suffering through tough stuff, like giving birth, taking not only a big dick but one with width and girth, hope u got big boobs to fill out a belly shirt, know how to flirt, dig yourself out the mud or dirt, to rise to the occasion, and be better than amazing, cuz if u can't, you'll never ever be as good as a man.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/23/10

A+

U are beautiful, and sensually suitable, have no fear, there's someone out there, I know it strikes a nerve and hurts, how most men hate curves, that's their loss, it's not u it's me of course, Redman's a fan of some extra cushion, for all that sex banging and pushing, there's something for u to grab on, u fill out that thong, big girls have a passion for food, are humble and kind without attitude, it's a sad reality, people are judged on looks way more than personality, like being bald gay or overweight, it's more of a generic trait, uncontrollable, inconsolable, when once again, you're rejected even being a friend, that's defined a hate crime, but I don't have time, for your negative energy, reprehensibly, pretending to be, genuine, my boobs are because I'm feminine, unlike u, I'm supposed to have two, what's your excuse, u male chauvinist pig, only dating a skinny ditzy twig, u can't have brains and beauty, one blames the other to explain and justify all the cruelty, what if I try exercise, yearn to learn to eat right, I mustn't just, trust what's unjust, and starve myself, would that help, u continue to pursue the untrue, I pity u, for never knowing real love, a tremendously transcendingly indiscriminating or hating snuggling sort of cuddling type of a hug, u know what it's cuz ur smug, a big pimping it wanna be hard core thug, fuck u I got mad self respect, I don't need your help, it's not necessary to get up or make a fuss, I deserve more...been too scorned..but I'm worn...and no longer torn over us thus, time to say goodbye...I can't lie...you're a z- or y...while I...am an absolute A+!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscous
2/18/09

Slam The Term Slam

Why the term poetry slam, like a rap battle it in fact can, imply violence, induce ideas of alliance, compliance, listen as I speak in silence, I'm about to squish squash u down, take away your glorious victorious championship gift...that crown, your day of reckoning will be heard all around town, your name will be mourned as it's transformed to a verb from a noun, how's that sound, you've just been Joe'd we, went toe to toe, but u couldn't crack the code, grab ahold of the judge's soul, to win the competition, u lacked inhibition, and the ambition to see the vision, understanding the condition or position you're in, it's survival of the fittest, fuck who's wittsiest, not wittiest, like funny HAHA, I could unbutton my shirt to display my male moobies/TaTas, but Nah Nah, that wouldn't be right, I'll be kicking the shit out of a comic who uses jokes to fight, my favorite chess piece is the knight, it comes from all weird angles, straight up mangles, my enemy is totally surprised, by beautifully executing the devious plot I devised surmised exercised and materialized, I will not compromise, find allies, and watch another as he or she needlessly dies, because someone dignifies, their own insecurities and lies, as this self proclaimed wanna be God cries, let there be war, I with words will strike u to the core, til u can't take no more, u feel raped like a whore, so insulted that your, repulsive and uglier than a boil or soar, why are u even alive or living for, not only do your absurd words bore, but you'd probably be more entertaining getting on all fours, start barking like a dog, then do tricks lie roll over or play dead, u never bite the hand from which you've been fed, get caught sleeping or in be, bitch, this is it, game on, let's pretend we're mafia and i'm the don, say hello to my little friend, truly take a few breaths or another second, and realize what kind of message the vestige "slam" may send, I don't have an answer as to something else it could be called, all I know my fellow poet and I have never brawled, nor name-called, what up with that, why do u make up this crap, proclaiming and saying I'm secretly crafting a sneak attack, like I would totally just stab someone in the back, I won't play that game, I don't jive that way, maybe we would wind up working to collaborate, make something wicked great, instead of endlessly going head to head, after all u really mustn't forget, playing with others makes things interestingly way more fun, and besides 2 heads are always better than 1.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/19/10

Help Me Catch Myself

I need a mentor or a coach, to help me change my approach, a new best friend, to shoot the shit with and get bent, I'm a pretty simple guy, a paralegal and a poet rapper singer songwriter on the side, never thought about my wedding day so I can't decide, would I be the groom or the bride, it really shouldn't matter, are u superficial enough to dump me over getting fatter, can't u love me for who I am, just don't forget about including me in ur future life plans, u don't have to be a fan of my art, disengenuousness breaks my heart, try communicating open and honestly always straightforward and real, expressing confidence intelligence and how u truly feel, all relationships have boundaries and limits, sometimes I catch myself nervously spasm studder or figit, still learning how to take compliments and flattery, bdsm doesn't involve assault abuse or battery, actually it's supposed to be fun hot safe and sexy, wanna wrestle me, see if my milk from my testes tastes like nestles, i know I can be too intense aggressive and pervy, but if u took the time/opportunity to get to know me ud find I'm extremely valuable and worthy!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/14/15

Fuck The Universe

Damn man...ain't life grand, the universe fucks me over as much as it can, i don't know why or understand, what did I do to deserve being cursed and damned, where are my legions of followers and fans, let me be the voice for the gays lesbians bisexuals and trans, I'm sick of people saying stop trying to save or change the world...u can't, open ur god given mouth for once follow thru and actually take a stand, set and make lots of goals and plans, let's be each other's loving supportive helping hands, like a united front or clan of bands, living in peace and harmony all across the planet's lands, for as long as humanity's existence spans!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/14/15

Hold On To The Light

If u tell me I can't I will, do any of my rhymes give u a chill, I wanna move u, get thru to u, spread some love and consciousness, this whack rap is obnoxious, what happened to quality inspiration, enough battling hating and verbally raping, it's not a dick swinging competition, ya'll adulterers need to learn ur act of contrition, it's u who ruins the sanctity of marriage not gays, there are a million and one different ways, and just as many reasons why, we show love, when uve had enough of looking up, yet ur still stuck, in a quicksand type puddle of mud, u can find the strength within, as long as ur inner light shines and endures time good wins!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/11/15

One Of The Greats

Me and my problems are easy to ignore or dismiss, u think I'm just an annoyingly whiny lazy complainy bitch, so spoiled and privileged over showered with gifts and glitz, fed fatter platters of luxuriousness and bliss, how did we become automatically labeled cis, and what is even the meaning of this, googled it and it's transgenered's opposite, enough with the drop the T shit, but we need to have a civil conversation and discuss it, I'm having real trouble comprehending and/or understanding, so many people are shouting equality and demanding, yet nothing ever changes, I connect better with random strangers, at least when it comes to my music, I wonder if it's cuz my fam and friends aren't used to it, seeing me perform on stage live, I let the whole world into a completely different more personal side, it ain't easy baring ur heart and soul, financial sustainability thru art seems like an improbable goal, tho I have unwavering belief and the utmost faith, I can't help but wonder will I leave a legacy as potent as any one of hip hip's greats!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
11/11/15

Failed Expectations U Follow Thru

Up and Adam nice and early, does loving Mariah make me girly, is that how u knew I was gay, having a better day today than yesterday, not sure if it was being rejected or the weather being gray, why am I still ashamed and afraid, got veteran's day off, hopefully I've finally gotten rid of that dreaded cough, that congested lump in my throat, making my voice even raspier when I sang or spoke, hate picking people apart when delivering a joke, I won't tear down other folks, just to get laughter or applause, hip hop seems to have lost its cause, used to be a voice of the oppressed, i definitely don't claim to be the best, in fact I'm far from it, I'm not just a dreamer I've actually done shit, which is more than I can say for u, I'm really sick and tired of failed expectations and the lack of follow thru!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/11/15

What's Ur Fantasyland Plans

Can never have enough money or time, wish we met in younger years during our prime, seems like a missed opportunity, often feel dismissed and rejected by my own community, I'm such a non conformist activist/rebel, I don't gossip judge or meddle, especially in other people's affairs, trust I'm self conscious about my lack of hair, same with my curves and man boobs, can u solve a rubric's cube, u better have poppers and lube, if u trying to get in my poop shoot, how do u feel about open relationships and groups, love is a complicated thing, but look at the joy and happiness it brings, like Pac I let my mind go blind when I rap and sing, simply rather smoke pot than drink, could give a fuck what u think, so what if ur feet stink, as long as ur personality doesn't, if u think dick was all I'm after it wasn't, that was never my agenda or intention, no need for a fwb intervention, I know what I'm getting myself into, officially ignorant when it comes to Muslim vs Hindu, totally aware of where I stand, best friends forever and mutual fans, no ring's going on either of our 4th fingers left hand, even if it is actually legal now for me to marry a man, sorry if u can't understand, I just don't see that happening in my fantasyland plans!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/10/15