Monday, November 30, 2015

It's All Out Of Love

Super grateful for the harsh truth and raw honesty I've gotten over the past couple of years, at times it's been tough to take but I've conquered and faced a lot of obstacles and fears, this damn reflection in the mirror, has got me looking colder and older over seeing things realer or clearer, everything I've been thru has made me stronger and the resilient man that I am, that being said I struggle tremendously emotionally holding on as long as I can, hide the pain away behind a bright white fake smile, we're guilty til proven innocent there's no speedy fair jury trial, I feel completely depleated defeated and broken, I wanna crawl back into bed and not stop toking, til my mind goes so hazy lazy and foggy maybe I won't excessively keep overthinking and analyzing, I really can't stand faking it til u make it trying minimizing lying, the happiness u reap will be just as superficial hypocritical and shallow, why is the majority so short sighted one dimensional and narrow, lord give me the strength courage and patience to make my own life choices with conviction and stick to them, or how about u give me a primary partner instead of a kinky semi platonic non mutual best friend, seems he reaps all the benefits gets his smorgasbord of cakes and can eat them too, I'm just the naïve gullible heart-broken sleeping alone fool, I've never had to shield protect and defend myself as much as I've had to being back here in lil Rhodey, I know most of u only know and see me as just Joe or to a rare few Joey, I wish tho sometimes instead of ur overly critical sarcasm ud simply shut up and give me a hug, ya'll challenge the shit outta me but I know it comes from a good place...it's all out of love!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/30/15

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