U said I'll always be there for u, that is until it's time to choose, which is when I loose, so lost and confused, emotionally abused, both my heart and soul are contused, why am I not Chozen or the one picked, how do u stand having ur ass kicked, repeatedly, until I give up defeatedly, at a certain point, without any clout or coin, i will just move on, instead of submissive I'll transform to dom, perhaps I don't deserve love, shouldn't success be enough, ur too greedy, publically needy, another dirty lil secret, and writing about this shit won't keep it, so then what's my choice, do I suck it up and censor my voice, stay quiet and hidden, stick with sarcastic kidding, act like what we have doesn't exist, wish I knew I was gay back when we were kids, seems I missed most of my opportunity, the odds of finding true love at this point seem puny, can't muni take me straight to an early grave, I feel like god will spitefully strike me down if I don't behave, gotta learn to better ride the waves, stop worrying so much live for the moment and focus on today!
Peace and 1,
JC
11/30/15
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