The Eternal Battle/Rat Race

Bickering can be as nostalgic as Star Wars, sometimes I look back and wonder why I got desensitized by my fears and flaws, I'd rather pick myself apart, then break another's heart, I'm a delicate soul, but bold and have grown cold, going so long without love, need a healing hug, for just one more minute please, u and ur energy have a beautiful way of putting me at ease, my mind's able to find a lil peace, being a gay white conscious poetic rapper singer songwriter is its own niche, I break down every single stereotype, maybe that's the point to my life, be so revolutionary rebellious and rambunctiously different/original, hip hop was taken over by wankstas not even gangsters and it's disgustingly pitiful, I don't consider myself deadly or bad ass, I didn't come from nothing the ghetto and I'm not tp trash, all I ask, is listen to my music to connect relate awake educate and it'll maybe even make u think and laugh, enjoy each and every single moment cuz it sure as hell flies by fast, don't worry and work too much to make that cash, the journey isn't a race so it doesn't matter who comes in first or last!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/29/15

Don't Come For Me Or My Dream

How do I learn to enjoy this moment in the present, I'm giving a lot but not reciprocally getting, I'm living by the golden rule, while everybody else laughs at or takes advantage of me like a gullible fool, the nice guy finishing last alone, afraid to leave home, cuz I've been there done that, yet I'm back can't recapture or get passed the past, fell into a quicksand trap, psyching myself out with impossible stastics facts and math, which isn't a good thing, I'd love to just write rap and sing, move forward towards fulfillment and happiness, life simply isn't fair nor perfect and ur lucky to get a splash of  bliss, I'm done asking for help and/or advice, me myself and I are responsible for whether or not I live life right, apparently I'm not good at constructive criticism, defense mode kicks in so I shut down and don't listen, expressing valid reasons u label excuses, it's u who says I'm lazy and not doin enough that abuses, I have the right to dream, expect supportive people to join my team, who have the necessary skills I lack and also the green, cuz working hard solo sacrificing and saving is way more improbable than it seems, my passionate soul's running out of steam, but when u try to come for me I can get very spiteful angry and mean!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/28/15

I Just Might To Spite

Got to work extra early but still didn't get the worm, perhaps my turn got burned, caught up in a blaze of fire, at times I too am a hypocritical liar, give unwanted criticism and critique, my art isn't call and response interactive it's a soliloquy speech, take away what u will, I write poetry and have friends instead of a psychiatrist or popping pills, ya'll say I need help I've been asking for for years, being rejected and neglected so long I got lost in my tears and fears, now I'm reduced to a ball of insecurity and nerves, more non music work hurts, all I want is to get up on stage, spit my shit and get paid a decent wage, but hip hop died decades ago, too many disguised friends who play pretend when their foes, this is the life I apparently chose, I just think to myself like Pink sings "nobody knows", it takes time for people to change and grow, other's perception is limited tho, nobody's on my level nor has my heart or soul, I know I have unrealistic dreams and goals, but ur incessant negativity takes a toll, makes me want to run away and succeed to spite, yes I complain and gripe, ur def not the prime example of living life perfectly happy correct or right, ur out of my mind cuz uve been out of sight, don't repeatedly keep pushing me cuz I just might!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/28/15

Happy Holidays JC Style

Please don't hate me, I know I've been annoyingly depressed jealous and spiteful lately, seems I'm the only one defending rap, do blacks have a fag's back, I'm frustrated with the poetic lyricism hip hop lacks, I'm feeling oppressed to the max, and my shit is spilling all over unto others, I'm lucky to have the greatest dad sis and mother, they worry so much out of love, I swear my friend Jay Andrade gives the most amazing healing hugs, for that brief moment problems melt and wash away, I'm not over thinking and like Em "I'm not afraid", I'm blessed to have the best friends, new and old they're there til the end, obviously I'm super sensative deep and intense, sarcastically stubborn intent on raising consciousness/common sense, someday both my time and my prince will come, true Rhode Islanders always wind up back where they came from, it's a very special place, how does my foot taste, that sentence goes against everything I ever said, wish ya'll would understand I'm really just having a conversation with the voices in my head, being a gemini ain't easy that's for sure, wonder will I ever be happy fulfilled and not want more, where's the nostalgia cuz it's Christmas Eve today, no snow is totally weird but anyways...happy holidays!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/24/15

Such Sweet Sorrow

Here today maybe gone tomorrow, leaving home is such sweet sorrow, yet it's a risk I'm willing to take, sorry for ur loss and heartache, but I care more about myself, since ya'll repetedly neglected and ignored my pleas for help, again I'm moving on and forward simply to spite, I don't want this lame RI life, watching others fake happy, while I'm confused whether ya'll laugh with or at me, cuz u think I'm making the wrong choice, hard to distinguish and find my own voice, over all the crazy amount of other people's insecurities fears and noise, I've lost my patience and poise, done apologizing and seeking approval, I'm desperately in need of some waste removal, to create and make room to grow, why is it so hard for me to stop overanalyzing take a leap of faith and just let go!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/23/15

Why So Serious

Need ya'll to tell me to calm down, turn and invert that frown, chill out and relax dude, not everything is that dramatic don't get consumed in doom, the sky is not falling and it's not the end of the world, I'm so overemotional I feel like a girl, I'm sorry I can't get myself under control, but I have this great big hole, in both my heart and soul, rejection boredom and loneliness takes a toll, it's weird to be winter yet not cold, Christmas is a few days away and there's no snow, god it's almost a new year...we're getting old, yes my poems are bold, but in raw genuine honesty there's beauty, I don't agree I'm sexy but I'm definitely a cutie, I too have self esteem issues, hope u got a box of tissues, make music that strikes a chord, leave fans addicted wanting more, playing my songs on repeat, I don't easily accept defeat, I'm super stubborn and aggressive, my family and friends worry out of love and overprotection, no one can save me from myself, if u really want to help, please just don't ever give up on me, understand I'm simply sensitive defensive and take criticism too personally!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/23/15

U So Vain

When I say u it really means me, last time I checked speech was free, u keep building me up for nothing, there's a huge difference between lusting and loving, I'm capable of platonic cuddling and hugging but are u, u use sarcasm and jokes to hide how hurt u are from the lack of empathy and follow thru, some wear their hearts on their sleeves, I leave mine with my whole soul in my poetry, tho they're a reflection of life my experiences and feelings, u shouldn't be believing, I'm above hidden agendas and double meanings, I really hate choice stealing, letters and words like math and music are universal, most my alone down time's spent writing and rehearsing, stop trying to censor, school me or mentor, u might be the one who needs professional help, I mean if u repeatedly talk to urself, like Carly sings "bet u think this song is about u"...it's not, when I say u I mean me in case u forgot!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/23/15

Life's Simply Existential Guess

Ask for unconditional love but with conditions, I see all the hypocrisy in this greedy crooked system, always pick the lesser of two evils, i won't let assholes change how I treat people, even if they continue to do me wrong, care more about the beat then the lyrics in my songs, I can't have unemotional music or sex, yes I think u settle for less then it all or the best, I'm a financial wreck/a hot mess, life's simply existential guess, I'm pretty easy to forget, constantly reminding myself it's just not my time or turn yet, don't worry so much nor fret, overanalyzing's making me frustrated and upset, but I'm over here like I only give what I get, it's self defense, no more walls or fancy fence, enough political correctness fake and false pretense, this is real shit not virtual reality fairytale fantasy land pretend, u broke both my heart and soul and I don't know if I'll mend, i feel like I've lost my best friend, how do I close the door and finally pen that infamous signature..."The End"?!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/22/15

Make My Own Fate

Keep reaching but no one's there to help pull me up, what gives me confidence is knowing my value and worth as well as having lots of self love, not masterbation wise, I'm so over oversexualized guys, who talk a good game and fantacize, but don't seem to realize, tho well intentioned they're incessant mind games teasing and lies, are the reason I cry and want to die, I've decided to take a vow of chastity, no I won't compromise my morals to aid in ur blasphemy, go marry ur best friend, that is a huge accomplishment, no judgment just mad respect, I'm sorry it's my heart I'm trying to protect, I simply want more, a man who'll ravage me like a dirty sexy whore, a combination of passionate love trust and lust, I have both the balls and the guts, to not settle in life, I want music and financial success I guess instead of a wife, actually I'm gay so I should say husband, enough with random hook ups one offs and glory holes built for slutty anonymous cum guzzling, I need my relationships to be real reciprocal honest and balanced, don't want to worry about getting caught cuz we were callous, afterall humans are prone to fallibility error and mistakes, while ya'll wait around for ur destiny to magically happen I make my own fate!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/22/15

Hey Yo What's The Deal

Am i building him or me to be more than just 1 man, perhaps no one could ever truly understand, another's metaphorical hand, best to remember we all have failed plans, is every artist a brilliant illusionist who's mastered a sham, can't believe we let big banks pull the greatest heist/master financial scam, they legally steal repeatedly from poor people, they're fucking disgusting and evil, let's not work harder to give more money to government or pharmaceuticals while I cant pay for heat or eat a meal, u bet ur ass I'm willing to bow beg borrow and/or steal, but at least have the decency to discretely say hey JC/yo Joe why or keep it real with what's the deal, fuck corporate the rich and the greedy wealthy...bitch I'm regal, I dont even get how or what i feel, but u better recognize, I share the truth yet u believe all the gossip and lies, I'm not willing to compromise, cuz u can't see me in my dream in ur conscious mind's eyes, that's right...I've got 2...im gemini!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/21/15

Pass Or Repeat

Feelings like moments pass, do u ever put ur foot in ur mouth or act like an ass, I do both on the daily, aint gonna let them haters derail me, I'm stronger than my insecurities, don't create expectation based on ur failures please, enough with this political correctness, wonder who the next president elect is, or should I say will be, if it's a republican someone kill me, this country's been going down the tubes, it's not pleasant or enjoyable being fucked without lube, enough with the nasty crude lewd attitude, ur straight up rude u prude, grow some balls, use the bathroom stalls, if ur gonna be a lil girl and cry about it, why do u always got to doubt shit, passion and faith are more than half the battle, grow thicker skin if ur easily rattled, life's all obstacles and hurdles, I know ya'll remember Steve but what about Myrtle Urkel, who was the bigger annoyance or geek, do u ever feel like each week is just on repeat?!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/21/15

Wicked Blitzed This Christmas

I give up it's time to say goodbye, I didn't enjoy the journey/ride, felt led on duped and deceived, I no longer have faith or belief, please stay away from me, so I can greive in peace, my soul died today, if u begged me back I'd cave, there isn't anything left to say, I can't wait til May, I'm so sick and it's not the flu, it's the fucking lack of follow thru, what did I do, my gray world's turned blue, next it'll be black, from being stabbed in the back, my patience finally cracked, fuck the love shack, it doesn't exist, like Santa or Jesus it's another fairytale lie to tell the kids, I'm so over Christmas, nobody seems to miss this, they can go multiple days even weeks without a word, the silence is deafening kills me and simply hurts, tired of being alone, living in my parent's home, just wishing ud phone, the only way to calm my nerves is to get wicked blitzed aka stoned! 

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/21/15

Me & My Dreams Are No Joke

How do I let go of all this anger, I bet sex is the quickest way to make friends become strangers, wish I was luckier in life, I tend to focus too much on the plight and strife, like it's only me, oh so bored and lonely, true unconditional love is just hard to find, i drown myself in music sometimes, stay high to keep from losing my mind, I try and I try and I try, when maybe I should stop, keep some secrets close to my heart, cuz if I don't start protecting myself, understand tho well intentioned some simply can't help, what I need is divine intervention/a miracle, so many people think me being a gay white rapper's hysterical, can u even imagine, those closest to knowing ur soul and essence laughing, when u say ur goals and dreams, are selling out stadiums and winning Grammys, come on and at least try to see it with me, I promise to be a quality hip hop icon literally, leaving a long legacy that'll go down as classic in history, how I'll do it is a mystery to us both, please take me more seriously people...I am not a joke!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/19/15

Obnoxious Consciousness

Don't go ghost slowly fading away, wish I woke up next to someone every day, I can barely get a guy to hang once a week, I live modestly meak humble and cheap, don't dare me to make a peep, cuz I'll antagonistically do it, feel it's illusionist to think we choose shit, if everything happens for a reason, why are so many unconvinced and still not believing, what's life's purpose and meaning, are my words revolutionary enough to be considered treason, I'm pretty anti government and money, the levels of carbon emissions and global warming's disturbing not funny, the whole 2 party system is a joke, wish every member of Congress would choke, on all their injustice and hypocrisy, capitalistic corporate culture's corruption really bothers me, where is the love and consciousness, the lack of common sense intelligence and logic is destructive toxic obnoxiousness, ya'll need to wake up pay attention and work together to stop this, to achieve true happiness or if we meaningfully want bliss!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/19/15

Stop Seeking Approval

Hit the nail on the head when u said I'm constantly seeking approval, getting everyone to like and love me may not be doable, can u be too smart to ever be happy, I don't want to portray I hate life cuz it's unfair pointless and crappy, someday my turn will come, trust I won't forget all of u or where I come from, I don't even know how to walk away, still getting over the shame of being gay, it's my own insecurity, why don't I feel worthy, how do I get to where I want to be, it takes a giant leap of faith and unwavering belief, I often wish kids today had more incentives, to fulfill their passionate dreams and be creative/inventive, where are all the entrepreneurs, I shouldn't be labeled selfish spoiled or greedy cuz I still want more, is having both love and financial success possible, please at least acknowledge it's only improbable, don't crush me like that, u claim to have my back, there's a big difference between teach and help, I really don't want to beg grovel cry scream or yell, I'm too tired and don't know how to help myself, I need someone with extreme wealth, cuz this working a 9 to 5 job aint cutting it, I can't make enough to save shit and be gluttonous, I simply want enough to live comfortably, my poetry and music means something to me, it's hard not to take it personally, when the whole world only sees the old version of me, remember we all have regrets and failed plans, u never know what someone's going thru but a lots left up to luck and chance, stop overanalyzing what other's think and just dance, imperfection and fallibility are embodied in the very definition of man!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/17/15

Will I Rise Again

My emotions are tied to others as well as the weather, birds of a feather flock together, I guess I'm just a rare breed, Gemini's are all about extremes, it's in my nature to be intellectual and a good communicator, while also very indecisive anxious and a master debater, after all they grapple with two minds or brains, they bite off more than they can chew/overload their plate, though I'm very flexible versatile and adjustable, super enthusiastic deep intense and apparently gullible to getting in trouble, which seems to be rather infectious, rap superstars gain power cuz fans elect us, they donate to our cause which is our art, yes ur money comes from ur wallet but love and support comes from ur soul and heart, I want empathy and sympathy not pity, let's get down to the brass tax/the nitty gritty, either I rise to the occasion and fulfill my destiny, or give up shut up and let fear get the better of me!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/15/15

F.E.A.R. The Acronym

Why am I so scared, paralyzed by fear, which is just an acronym for false evidence appearing real, I shouldn't be penalized for knowing what I want and expressing how I feel, thank god for good friends, please stop playing pretend, faking it til u make it will still leave u shallow and empty, I wonder if anyone regrets that they met me, I try to be a good person, always presenting my truest genuine self/version, who's gonna protect us, from this wretched political correctness, enough already geez, can no longer live to only people please, time to put myself first, yes rejection hurts, but if u don't love urself no one else can, gotta stop whining and complaining and be a real man. that stands on his own two feet, too stubborn to dwell on failure or defeat, tho we are free to create and fulfill our legacies and destiny, I'm really working hard on trying to build a stronger foundation and a better me!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/14/15

My Dark Side

Sometimes I secretly cry, so depressed with dark doubts I want to die, plot how I'd commit suicide, and then I realize I'm not that guy, I don't run away from problems and hide, I'll look the devil in the eye, laugh with self confidence and pride, I know my value and worth, boredom and loneliness causes this spitefully jealous jerk, to spew such vicious maliciousness, I can't help it I'm so playfully sarcastic kinky and mischievous, all I want is good connection reciprocity and fun, I'm definitely not a one and done hun, I love when both of us cum and cum and cum, until we're tired and literally drained, don't be ashamed or so afraid...I'm not into pain, but I love sexually over stimulating u, all tied up helplessly sensory deprived so there's nothing u can do, except simply relax in ecstasy and let go, sorry I'm only interested in other athletic masculine hot jock bros tho, I love all gays...it's just my preference, predominantly an alpha acting sub who tops vanilla...it takes a lot to get in my back door/entrance, i don't know if I'll ever find my significant other, not promiscuously slutty or into random hookups 1 offs or getting between u and ur kids' mother, but in the meantime I'm open to old fashioned dating and taking on multiple undercover lovers, cuz I fight stereotypes...I'm not a scene queen, tho I know it's taboo I do want to start my own alternative home and team...who's with me?!

Peace and 1,

JC

12/14/15

Love Means Listen More

Gotta learn how to listen, heed my own advice I've been giving, the way we handle the strife in life, defines us more than great financial heights, I always fight with all my might, I do realize I'm not perfect or forever right, should hold off on invading other people's business, I just wanna help everyone achieve dreams true happiness and bliss, we only get one chance at this, it's crazy why shit happens the way it did, we only have so much control, can't overextend my heart and soul, I enjoy ur energy and company especially chillen smoking bowls, discussing secrets private moments gossiping down low stock tips and artistic goals, craigslist scruff and grindr are filled with superficial slutty money hungry trolls, one thing's for sure in presidential elections ignore the primaries extreme media hype and biased polls, all I'm asking for this Christmas is to make out with a hot jock underneath the mistletoe, or a lil loving hugging cuddling snuggling session this winter to avoid the blistering cold!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/12/15

Having Rapping Talent

Is anyone even reading, can u give me a good reason, why I should give up on my dream, it's hard maintaining stability sustainability motivation and steam, many don't believe what they can't feel or see, please I need patience to achieve my legacy/destiny, trying to keep bettering me, stop betting and vetting against the collective we, no more war in the name of democracy, enough with this entitlement mentality and hypocrisy, so many big corporation companies combining creating worldwide monopolies, the US is electing it's way right into their second oligarchy, the whole globe's gone crazy capitalistic, terrorism is on the rise and people are starting riots going ballistic, cops are vicious and malicious, getting away with black murder that's not the least bit inconspicuous, even scenes caught on tape, conservatives are livid so religious and ISIS massacres are allowed against gays, congress is consumed with abuse of power, we're expected to stand down disarm and not be alarmed like dumb ignorant cowards, I don't trust anyone, why should u get to expect my best for free cuz it's fun, that's not how any of this works, u selfish greedy jerks, I know I do have value but how much is having rapping talent worth?!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/11/15

Me & WWIII: Battle Of The Classes

Can fall out of love as quickly as I jumped in, goodbye Adele's Hello after all these years I'm done wondering, if this poem or song is really about u, don't flatter urself dude, trust me I'm so much more than just our interactions, I only show and share a small portion/fraction, I'm wicked multi dimensional and faceted, gangster hip hop and rap's whack and lyrically ratchet, stop trying to make that and fetch happen, omission is a form of entrapment, uve got to express and communicate ur true boundaries and limits, feel like my heart's starting to eclipse, my loving light that used to shine so bright, that it could give the blind sight, helping those poor lost souls in the deep dark parts or cells of hell's depression, it's hard to tell whether I'm a curse or another one of heaven's blessings/divine interventions, seems I only eviscerate crush and hurt people, cuz my words are too conscious or real they're considered evil, u won't confront or face ur fears and/or ur own daemons, yet u let or are led by the head that produces and spews piss and seaman, get em out of ur asses, WWIII isn't a race war it's more religious in nature/battle of the classes.

Peace and 1,

JC

12/11/15

Don't Even Know Me

Yes I do love u but I love me more, what'd u go and break my heart for, it's my own damn fault, protecting my heart like a vault, so I become numb to my overzealousness, consumed by resentment spitefulness and jealousness, how come I don't have it, waa waa waa I've fucking had it, stop ur incessant bitching and complaining, ur self loathing pity parties are draining, suck it up, nobody's entitled to love, can I at least get a hug, friends who dream big and don't act all smug, arrogant and condescending, I'm constantly having to keep defending my intentions of uncensored self expression, no I'm not an opportunist, like Martin Shkreli The Kardashians or Amy Schumer is, but obviously they have or know something I don't, people have the ability to awaken and change they just won't, I'm done trying to save the world, think maybe I should reconsider my relationship with girls, not fully homo or hetero, perhaps I'm asexual, but this loneliness is killing me slowly, how can I expect others to...if I don't even know me?!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/11/15

Would Love Love

Laying in bed alone, still living in my folk's home, I feel like such a failure/loser, a begger can't be a chooser, what's wrong with me, am I repulsive and ugly, someone come cuddle and hug me, so this holiday season's not so sucky, there are nights I cry myself to sleep, why am I so serious over analytical and too deep, it's like my mind's powered by the energizer bunny, i don't think it's funny, to constantly be rejected and ostracized, by wolves in a sheep disguise, u can't forever hide lies, rules inherently get defied, the truth comes out eventually in time, can u sign or mime in rhyme, words hurt sometimes but can't commit crimes, guns nor letters kill...people do, my inner light and love does shine thru, defeating both depression and oppression, should be more aware gracious and thankful for all my blessings, life afterall is short, it's not a competition boardgame race or sport, and unfortunately we only get one chance, I've never asked a man to hold hands or can i have this dance, but I have before to a girl, I would love love more than anything else in the entire world!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/10/15

A World Orgy

Feel brushed and pushed aside, neglect is easy to hide, just smile, big like a crocodile, show them pearly whites, every day I awake is another fight, what is the point to life, besides atrocity slavery and strife, I'm not the type to gripe, or get caught up in the hype, but I too was duped and fooled, wish I never went to college and was home schooled, the roads like the world are congested and overpopulated, why work at a job to just pay bills if u really hate it, shouldn't a sense of accomplishment instigate elated, look at the emprisoning walls ur choices and decisions created, the web woven was of ur own design, did I miss or just oblivious to signs so divine, they can't be seen by man's mind or an ordinary eye, no matter how hard science tries, some things simply have no explanation, we need to practice more transcendental meditation, or perhaps maybe take Ayahuasca, indians jews blacks gays nor muslims are monsters, stop fearing what u don't understand or know, the only way to negate ignorance is thru educational or existential growth, so wake the fuck up, and instead of spreading hate let's all make love!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/10/15

Fears, Failures & False Hope

No I refuse to choose practicality over achieving my dreams, fulfilling them may be as impossible as others make them seem, ur fears and failures aren't mine, stop saying ur just fine, when in reality your depressed as hell, unless ur clairvoyant u can't really tell, I'm not a mind reader, oh ur a bi breeder, more like gay for pay, it's disgusting when partnered people act that way, separate relationships into work hobby domestic vanilla and kink play, San Fran's the mecca for alternative living, I can't be the only one always giving, it simply doesn't work like that, yes I've eternally got ur back, but there are still boundaries and limits, enough with ur fake facades hidden agendas tricks and gimmicks, be ur genuine authentic self, u gotta learn to be brave and ask for help, showing feelings and emotions doesn't make men weak, one of my fetishes is intimacy, being empathetic doesn't mean pity me, my voice is very masculine straight acting and deep when I speak, some say I'm very mellow and soothing, have some rough edges that still need smoothing, nobody is perfect, but everyone deserves and is worth it, loving and being loved, cuddled kissed and hugged, so before u easily greedily throw me away, an adult should know building someone up with false hope is not okay!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/10/15

Gays Go Straight To Hell

Depression may be catchy, anybody think I'm fetchy, i know that's a play on words from the movie Mean Girls, I want my music to be heard all around the world, it actually already is, I'm handling business, afterall I'm only a man just one person, stop nagging pushing and incessantly urging, u can't help the unwilling, are we enabling by always forgiving, ignoring the root cause, chalk it up to a loss, or blatantly look the other way, not only drug addicts and the gays get aids, u should be ashamed at how ya'll behave, u settle and expect sympathy, yet never show any empathy or the slightest pity, which is probably for the better, just when u thought nothing will make u more upsetter, u get a double comparative/ unnecessary modifier, a quick random tangent are ur nipples hardwired, tried to stray away from too studious literary and over grammatically critical, i need to be a lil less serious and educational more lighthearted fun or whimsical, u mistake my sarcasm and take me too literal, discovering I was gay was completely pivotal, it makes me feel special, not crazy retarded or mental, but i wish ISIS and Jesus freaks wouldn't believe homosexuality's wrong illegal or an evil sin we choose it's not dealt, and they repetedly tell us we're all going straight to hell!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/9/15

Gotta Ask To Be Rewarded

Think today will be the last, perhaps being trapped in the past, has actually hurt more then helped, still far from financial stability and wealth, got nothing really to show, underestimated how hard it is to grow, not to mention patience the unforgettable virtue, love lost is the hardest thing to work thru, time I think to give up, simply have had enough of being stuck, unable to plow on like a mac truck, perpetual loneliness sucks, sorry for complaining and making such a fuss, but I need some luck, to get out of this god forsaken rut, if things don't start going my way, I'll hop on the highway, leave and never look back, so much stress here i'm about to have a heart attack, overwhelmed by anxiety again, I don't want a psychologist I need friends, how are u appreciative of all that u lack, seem to be the butt of jokes u don't laugh with u laugh at, I'm super naive and oblivious, some sexual passes are ridiculous, be genuine honest and straight forward, if u never learn to ask ull never be rewarded!

Peace and 1,

JC

12/9/15

Hear Co-Dependancy Calling

And like that everything's changed, now it seems so awkward and strange, how do I not fan the flames, aint trying to keep secrets or play games, time to retract, revert reverse or take a step back, catch my bearings, sure sharing is caring, but my heart is fragile and easily broken, it's so nice to have friends who are more into smoking, drinking isn't really my thing, the next day I feel fucking disgusting, dehydrated and hung over, don't like getting the cold shoulder, or long stretches of wretched silence, extreme quiet is maddening and can cause violence, I think co-dependency is the major issue, u probably use each others tissue, perhaps it's just jealousy rearing it's ugly head, lonliness leads to depression and without support can end in death, suicide has become increasingly common, the level of terrorist organizations and mass shootings is alarming, so many kids are homeless and starving, look at the legacy legalizing gay marriage and pot is carving, could we be on the verge of WWIII, war is real bloody and has very deadly consequences...it isn't like the wii, those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it, ur true character's revealed in how u react after being defeated, afterall we're defined by if we rise after falling, are u conscious and courageous enough to answer ur calling?
 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/9/15

Don't Blow Up Spots

What I want to talk about is offensive to others, and I don't want to censor myself or blow up the spot of my brothers or undercover lovers, I think everyone has their secrets, the question is can u keep it, are u trustworthy and loyal, do u easily crack or more hard boiled, I don't however want to be an enabler, unlike How To Get Away With Murder I won't be ur gravedigger, we all have hard tough choices to make, perhaps ull see things clearer after some time and space, I'm not perfect but I won't settle, instead of just talking about ur dreams and fantasies put the peddle to the metal, shut up and drive, with the top down u feel so alive, as free as the wind and air, doesn't matter that I don't have long flowing hair, or that I'm short, yes i'm a good sport, but I too would like a boo/cohort, to walk thru life with, unconditional companionship is a gift, trying not to spill the T but rather take a sip, tough not to burn bridges or my lips, that's what happens playing with hot fire, don't turn into one of those hidden agenda manipulative liars, some sins are unforgiveable impossible to heal and mend, maybe let's just be best buds and friends til the end!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/9/15

Don't Forget To Use Lube

Can't find that guy I'm compatible with both in and out of the bedroom, how many good friendship relationships has sex ruined, I give up on the idea of fairytale monogamous love, course u want ur dick sucked without the strings attached to cuddle and hug, that's called having the best of both worlds, lately I get hit on more by girls, easier to find a married man with kids willing to cheat on his wife, than to meet a decent single masc gay guy to date and share my life, which aint fair or right, every day is another fight, I really wanna lay down give up and die, lost the motivation for music and to even put my heart out there to try, rather crawl in bed with my body pillow and cry, all I can think of is what's wrong with me or why, perhaps it's me who's got it wrong, maybe I'll be known more for poetry than my hip hop songs, tho I know my soul is strong, I gain confidence smoking a blunt or bowl or ripping the bong, how do I become numb, existence is dumb, want to figure out the point but there doesn't seem to be one, the evil people have all the fun, I feel too bad, while they simply laugh at the fact I get so emotional and sad, til I boil over mad, that I fell for ur illusion, ur icky tricky delusion confusion, like my grampy used to say "ur cruising for a bruising", now im all sore raw contused and abused from u using me without lubing, it's not just the memory that hurts, but what makes it abundantly worse, u get to go home to ur boo dude, while I have nothing and no one to turn to!

 

Peace and 1,

JC

12/9/15

Can U Stand Still & Grow

I've been so focused on everybody else, I'm totally neglecting myself, what's so humiliating about asking for help, all people dream of extreme wealth, but enough is never enough and we want more and more and more, we're a bunch of greedy selfish whores, dirty filthy gluttonous pigs who take and take and take yet rarely give, so many robotic zombified stifled stepford souls that don't truly live, have u ever met someone tho who made ur heart jump or skip, crazy enough to do the dare and skinny dip, let me see u dance and sway those hips, I'll be there to catch him when he falls or slips, put up with his bipolaresque hissy fits, hate to see him grumpy miserable unfulfilled or sick puking with the shits, sorry for getting all disgusting vulgar and gross, but there's and ugly side to life no one talks about but everyone knows, that's just the way it is and how it goes, whichever way the wind blows, I'll follow my passionate driven gut and with a lil luck I may find a place I can book hip hop shows, happiness happens so sluggishly slow, karma can be so cold it scolds, what if I never fit the mold, can a man stand sit or stay still yet still grow?!

Peace and 1,

JC

12/8/15

No Personal Gain

No gun regulations rules or laws, with wars galore, capitalism's all about more, what are u so against an independent third party for, I mean isn't it good to have competition, wish ya'll would wake up pay attention and listen, really read the lyrical words, they're harshly conscious but never intended to be judgemental spread hate or hurt, I'm prone to oversharing giving and putting 210% into my work, killing people just makes problems worse, wish everybody would get their hands out of my pockets or murse, u know a male purse, jk I'm such a sarcastic nerd, but that's really what I've heard they call it, personally I've always preferred a wallet, made of leather or a fave of mine duct tape, i need to be way more patient and wait, accept the fact I can only inspire change, be careful not to break the cardinal rule of using magical powers or gifts...no personal gain!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/6/15

Bunch Of Fricken Hypocrites

It's nice to finally have what I want and what I need, it actually reinvigorates my faith and my belief, that everything and everyone u meet is for a reason, it always changes like the seasons, except in SoCal where the weather's wild and freaky, life is not a game or a race to be won and some will excel progress faster than and even beat me, so much more of a journey gotta learn to enjoy the ride, don't just rely on getting high, perhaps that bad habit is a crutch, but u know when ur without any I totally come up clutch, when I start to get overwhelmed with anxiety, I try to calm my mind down by simply trying to breathe deep, grab hold of my feelings and emotions, there's definitely magical powers being close to the ocean, I do recognize how I'm very lucky and blessed, sorry for being so poetry and music career driven and obsessed, not out to battle bout or be the best, willing to take whatever obstacles and tests, god karma or the universe throws my way, won't focus my energy anymore on gaining support from my community known as "the gays", since u repeatedly reject my services and love, I will not play politics suck dick or be a notch on ur belt of guys uve fucked, I've had enough of ur shallow superficial shit, get over urselves we all need help and are just a bunch of fricken hypocrites!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/2/15

Give Myself Permission

I know what I want until someone starts asking me, I'm afraid to share cuz when I do ya'll call me crazy harassingly, my dreams seem impossible to achieve, why won't u just have faith and believe, do u think I don't know how hard it is, I'm sorry if ur unfulfilled and unhappy with ur personal affairs and business, but I am not ur failed plans, guess I gotta pull up my boot straps and be a man, quit bitching and complaining, about how my life is so awful soulsucking and draining, think maybe tho when u stop crying and whining, it's because over half ur heart's been slowly eroding and dying, every time I don't get picked, it get's harder and harder to find the will to live, what's the point to life, if it's only to work pay bills and somehow manage to survive all the strife, then there's the atrocity that lingers and bothers me, it's just not the right time for me obviously, but my patience has run thin, when will I learn to let go so the real healing can begin, gotta give myself more credit and permission, it's overwhelmingly stressful and depressing secretly hoping and wishing, nice guys don't have to automatically fall prey or victim, staying single isn't a sin!

Peace and 1,
JC
11/30/15

Tied The Knot...NOT

If sharing is caring I think it's time to stop, cuz I seriously need to rebuild a stronger core foundation and learn how to guard my heart, if u thought the kitchen was hot, try being on stage directly under the spotlight, yes getting to rap superstar status is improbable but not impossible if ur willing to sacrifice stay driven and fight, I have enough passion and creativity to raise the whole globe, to an existential level where peace and love leads and takes hold, eradicates prejudice injustice and war, people refrain from marrying young to find the reason and true purpose they're here for, we all have our own skill sets of strengths weaknesses and talents, wish men had some old school swagger class and style rocking the masculine chivalry and valiance, can anybody tell me what the hell happened, why won't u listen to the words I'm saying and asking, I've been spoon feeding u pieces of me for years, all my dreams wishes fetishes feelings and fears, but now it's just too late, I've given up on that fate, I'm sorry I simply don't have that type of patience to wait, u know I'm always open and willing to play, but I gotta go find my guy who's unattached uninhibited and actually available, perhaps we will still have phone sex watch porn together and send raunchy horny text messages or email, love is like the holy grail, be careful which cup, u choose to take a sip of, cuz once u give it up u don't automatically get it back, emotional intimacy and reciprocity most men lack, those are feminine traits, maybe that indicates makes or insinuates gays, who knows I mean never say never, I haven't thought about tying that type of knot ever, don't necessarily believe in monogamy forever, I have hope there's more than just one someone that can help make me and my life better, I think that's a lot of pressure putting all ur eggs in one basket, we come in and out of this world alone it takes 2 incomes to own a home but only 1 body fits in a casket!

Peace and 1,
JC
12/1/15