Exist To Thrive Not Just Live

Here we go again with endless repetitive rejection, school should make us wiser more thick skinned and give us protection, teach us how to live life better, becoming depressed with this approaching winter weather, why can't I find the faith to make that leap, perhaps my trust is fractured and I no longer believe, apparently I'm all talk meak and weak, is hip hop my destiny, I'm simply a failure, not a good best friend more of an enabler, for sadists to come and hurt me, I just don't feel valuable or worthy, with a negative bank account, I hate how desperately pathetic my pity parties sound, but I don't know how else to deal, my poetry is my therapy and I vibe with music depending what I feel, I keep pinching myself to see if this shit is for real, I'm living a nightmare that sleep steals, from over thinking and caring too much, I'm a stoner which is the opposite of a lush, it's the only thing helping me remain calm, I've given up on ever finding my masculine athletic dom, my fucking prince charming, who makes time for special bonding, training me to his scent, wonder where my fantasy man went, maybe he doesn't exist, really starting to lose my passionate drive to thrive not just live!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/4/16