Reapproaching overwhelming panic, that can't be controlled by Zoloft or Xanax, cuz I can't afford coverage for health care, not having Medicaid anymore realizes my fear, I only have a 2-3 month temp job, so I don't know when my income will stop, I made a dent in paying off my debt, but I still have close to 15K left, and that's not including my phone new leased car plus insurance or my college loan, thank God I'm able to live at home, cuz I wouldn't be able to afford rent food and gas, I'm poor tho my folks are middle/upper class, I'm so scared of my future when they're gone, I really need at least one hit song, otherwise I am totally fucked, forget about my finding friendship let alone unconditional love, I swear the gays are all psychologically messed up, I may be blessed but my life just sucks, I can't stand on my own two feet, this testicular issue makes it tough to sleep, I simply wanna be and feel normal again, will this bad dream cease or at least near the end, I take 3 steps forward only to go 5 back, I'm trying real hard to manage how I react, but my patience is thin, and when it comes to financial stability I don't know where to begin, I keep trying and trying and trying, but my hope and optimism is slowly eroding and dying, so I wind up crying singing Bon Jovi's "keep the faith", don't know how much longer I can wait, til it's finally my turn, I'm used to the abuse of being overlooked and burned, like Leona "I just wanna be happy", not many can out write or rap me, my talents and skills are quite sick/nasty, I'm not pompous or arrogant more sarcastic and sassy, wish I had the opportunity or chance, to reverse the hour glasses' sands, rewind time, to the days when hip hop was flourishing and shined, cuz now-a-days music is all garbage, finding decent lyrical content seems nonexistent and arduous, I'm the last of my kind a dying breed, I hate digital and miss buying cds, tho I know we can't recapture the past, pretty pretty please support me is all I can ask!
Peace and 1,
JC
2/27/17
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