Been back working out, since existence is an endless battle/bout, carouselling and yo-yoing, constantly restarting and going, up and down, this urological problem has been profound, knocked me off my game, I haven't felt the same, lost my confidence and spunk, I'm insecure about my junk, afraid that one wrong move, and I could be screwed, when it comes to men I'm super picky, not into feminine or twinky, I'm a lil bit kinky, but wicked over sensitive/over thinky, I can't help it I'm Joe Conscious, some find me too intense serious and obnoxious, I don't censor myself, always try to be genuine and help, much more of a giver, but lately been jealous and bitter, cuz so many people leave me, I love unconditional and deeply, it hurts to be ghosted and pushed away, I often feel cursed cuz I'm a masculine gay, totally misunderstood, tired of stroking my own ego and wood, I fight for the forces of good, wish my music had street cred being blasted in the hood, some day I truly believe, I am destined to succeed, otherwise what was the point of this life, all the pain and the strife, they say seek and u shall find, long lasting relationships blow my mind, where do they get the patience from, when compromising how do they not become undone, losing their individuality in a collective we, while I stay independent and free, longing to find my other half, it's getting harder to simply smile and laugh, the future weighs heavy, tho I appear thick skinned and rock steady, I'm actually soft and fragile, gotta stretch and stay agile, in case I have to flee, perhaps it's time to adopt the motto che sara sara whatever will be will be, and let go of control, stop swimming in this abyss of a black hole, before my soul grows cold, so old and alone I just fold, my spirit won't have the desire to play the hand God dealt and planned, man can't command the power to meet divine demands, death is impossible to fathom and understand, but my damn hourglass finally ran out of sand!
Peace and 1,
JC
3/21/17
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