Lately like Kesha I've been "Praying", not only to be patient, but for my boyfriend, for his pain and suffering to end, I need him around, losing love can be overwhelmingly profound, and I've had enough loss already, my faith is a lil unsteady, especially after my grandmother died, I'm not gonna lie, I'm still mad at God, why does life have to be so hard, will we ever catch a break, or did I make too many mistakes, and I'm being punished, there's only so much I can stomach, have had enough heartache to last a lifetime, no I won't be fine, unless I achieve some musical and financial success, I give my all and do my best, but apparently it's not good enough, I too just wanna be loved, perhaps we're exempt being gay, and we will all be damned to hell come judgment day, but I don't truly believe that, I have hope the Lord has my back, even tho no one really knows, the story of Jesus has very many holes, and doesn't make a lot of logical sense, that's blasphemous so I guess I gotta repent, can u recite the Act of Contrition, it's standard protocol to absolve sinning, but it's been twenty some odd years, do people actually believe u must be in Church for Him to hear, and only when ur down on ur knees, does He seriously listen to ur pleas, who made up these rules, King James has been playing us for fools, religion is a form of control, all I want is to let go, there's too much responsibility, and apparently I don't have the ability, to make good choices or decisions, is existence really just a prison, where the body traps the soul, fuck Truman is this the Joe show, feels like it, wish Adam didn't bite shit, least of all the apple, Eve was created from his rib is hard to grapple, guess the chicken or the egg theory is plain irrelevant, where's my forty acres and a mule as settlement, my government has neglected me, gave the illusion we're free, was blind but with amazing grace I now can see, I hate reality, we've lost the truth, the point to life is too aloof, lacking meaning or purpose, seems just to hurt and work us, like worthless slaves, forced to dig our own graves, there's no room for fun or play, be careful what u say, cuz they have no problem silencing u, not talking about using glue, they murder and kill, there's no such thing as free will, this Gemini is conscious and cognitive, yes there's negative and positive, but my poems are a mixture of both, I'm learning to practice my art without dope, some days are good while others are bad, sometimes I'm happy others I'm mad or sad, I exhibit a full range and spectrum of emotion, I love being thought provoking and causing commotion, adding a lil spice to life, I'm tired of always being nice, that guy finishes last, trying to stay in the moment instead of focusing on the future and/or past, wish the universe would simply do what I ask, let the heavens shine down on me Etta James style "At Last"!
Peace and 1,
JC
8/29/17
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