Paused In Awe Amazed Jaw Dropping Gaze

Don't mean to delay dilly dally or doddle, there's so many financial obstacles, that get in the way, trying to make music today, big studios aren't worth it, but a record deal would seem perfect, until it's time to pay back what u owe, that's how many bankruptcies unfold, the trick is it's all about exposure, when the camera's rolling can u keep ur composure, do u get stage fright, fight for the limelight, or are u afraid of success, do u feel u tried ur best, in the end that's all that matters, many singers and rappers try to be actors, branding themselves, having sponsors and investors helps, believe me, money makes u free, from following the rules, allows u to pick and choose, without the stress or burden of bills and debt, not pursuing my passion would make me regret, it's my purpose and destiny, I care about lyrics and legacy, I write heartfelt thought provoking classics, sarcastic scholastic massive magic for the masses, to leisurely enjoy, I wanna be employed, hence the day job, I work and play hard, but I lack luck, consumed with mad mistrust, got guts and love, but it's not enough, perhaps I selfishly want too much, if one young gay boy or man fan is moved and touched, by the power of my words, it eradicates and erases the hurt, from feeling like a failure, altho paparazzi will probably nag and tail ya, it's the price of fame, this isn't just a hobby or a game, it's serious business, I watch the Grammys and think what is this, pop garbage art, lacking soul substance and heart, with one simple single, that makes even ur pimples tingle, I could become rich, gotta find my niche, my specific audience, not interested in shticks gimmicks or oversexualized gaudiness, judge me on my talent, my effort's been valiant, but I'm doing something wrong, everyone that listens to or sees me perform songs, can't stop their jaw dropping gaze, truly paused in awe amazed, my goal's to inspire and relate, strike up conscious debate, collaboration is great, hopefully RI isn't my fate, but if it is that's ok, tho I'm gay I'll still have faith and pray, I know it will continue to get better, with me and my man together, we're strong and resilient, existence is about finding happiness and fulfillment, focus on the now, don't wonder why or how, let shit go and let it be, change the pronoun from I to we, be whole instead of a half, find joy smile and laugh, remember everyone has a lil good and bad, may seem mad but really sad, appearances can be deceiving, all life has value should be mourned and deserves grieving, but death's not the end, while they're here take comfort and pride in ur family and friends, won't be long, til we're all gone, who knows if our spirit's reborn, deformed scorned, the devil's spawn, or beautiful angels in heaven soaring!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/26/17

Unconditionally Believing Ur My #1

I'm over here crying, cuz I keep trying and trying, but there's no forward motion or luck, it's like I'm just stuck in a rut, that I can't seem to get out of, another bout with my love, it's a never ending battle, so easily shook shaken and rattled, such a big lapse of trust, fix this vast gap with cuddles kisses and hugs, lie close and tightly hold me, consolingly, allow the future to unravel and unfold free, could go for a Gansett Captain & Coke or cran and raspberry Stoli, it's been that kind of a year never mind week or day, a few people have said I'm too caught up with being gay, which I find a weird thing to hear, don't project onto me ur insecurities and fears, I'm sorry if my oppression offends u, ud rather be an ignorant naive buffoon prude who's a fool too to boot, I mean really, jokes may seem harmless and silly, but sometimes they cut deep, we're all going thru tough stuff nobody else sees, but we aren't alone, I was lucky enough to be raised in an amazing home, with unbelievably kind loving folks, growing up and old ain't no joke, doesn't get any easier, what u thought were friends show that they're actually deceivingly sleazier, we each own many masks, following thru with dreams goals and/or simple tasks, always take pride, don't lie shy away or hide, yes u are both smart and beautiful, love should be irrefutable immovable indisputable reusable computable irreducible so suitable it's pretty musical, magnificently magical, seems supernatural, we need to keep Earth habitable, am I sexy/grabbable, or a fat ugly sad nag, who doesn't appreciate anything he has, shouldn't use nigga or fag, I ain't mad, I'm hurt, feel devalued without worth, been cursed since birth, my height went toward my girth, and I'm bald too but I'm ok with that, unlike being betrayed let down or stabbed in the back, and especially whack rap, how and why do u even put up with the same crap, guess I'm just a sorry sap, hangry and desperately in need of a nap, finding it hard to find my smile and laugh, seal the latch and add that strap, so there's no escape, refuse to let love turn to hate, is solitude my fate, success is great, but I want to share it with someone, wish I didn't take life personally or so serious and had more fun, it's a one and done thang, I can't get it out my head u don't wanna hear me sang, retract ur claws and fangs, I ain't no William Hung trying do cover "She Bangs", I got real skills and talent, idolize the righteous virtuous and valiant, be as humble and honest as possible, only say improbable, to avoid manifest destinying being self defeating, all it takes is some hope faith and unconditionally believing, I'm retrieving achieving and seeing what I'm dreaming, my bright white light is beaming gleaming, express urself and what ur feeling, whatever ur logic reasoning and meaning, every relationship changes like seasons, may take time for healing and grieving, my heart's both beating and bleeding, I'm seething watching u leaving, I despise cooking and cleaning, it's only u I'm wanting and needing, begging and pleading, kneeling ready for pleasing, even a humiliating demeaning beating, if that's what it takes, to make up for all the mistakes I made, I'll stay chaste and depraved, give in bow down and cave, ur my fantasy man, understand I will do anything I can, so please just stop, on the list of priorities ur at the top!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/25/17

The Moral Man's Burden

If unconditional approval is what u seek, ur expectations will inevitably meet defeat, u can't please everyone hun, try not to take life too seriously have some fun, cuz u only wind up dead, stay grounded and keep a level head, as much as possible, make sure to say improbable, anything can be accomplished if we try, don't blindly accept shit ask why, too many have become numb and complacent, our laws have turned antiquated and ancient, what has to happen for us to dramatically change, this past election's outcome I still find deranged and strange, it just doesn't make sense, now more than ever this country's divided stressed and tense, constantly on edge, wish I had got my passport and fled, cuz I wanna live somewhere more socialistic, some define me as too emotionalistic, yes that is a word, underestimation and doubt hurts, I'm so sick and tired, of being a temp that never gets permanently hired, while my bosses receive promotions, u haven't seen a bipolar Gemini commotion, but I'm on the brink of breaking, my heart's aching from all the flaking and faking, people pretending their happy and available, yet their sexual appetite is insatiable, even ruining their sacred family, most don't stomach and can't stand me, so they won't give my hip hop a chance, sorry I can rap and semi sing but can't dance, guess I'm not a real entertainer then, if this doesn't work out for me I have to start all over again, what's this the 5th or 6th time, I must be going out of my mind, to have the audacity to believe, selling out stadiums and winning a Grammy is my destiny, I'm not arrogant or pompous just unapologetic, if u don't pursue or achieve ur dreams then ur pathetic, please stop taking it out on others, aren't we supposedly all sisters and brothers, which I find kinda disgusting, perhaps incest perpetuates the competitive curmudgeon, after all isn't existence, survival of the fittest and persistents, every man for themselves, I don't agree comparing or tearing down others helps, actually it makes me feel worse, like humanity is simply naturally cursed, society needs reversing, it's turned into the moral man's burden, when did evil triumph over good, am I not successful cuz I'm not black ghetto gangster trailer park or hood, it shouldn't take money to make it, let love conquer the hatred, embrace our unique differences talents and abilities, there's enough room for us all silly, no need to fight, if we individually focus on doing what's right, maybe darkness will see the light, there's always a dawn after the night, it's an endless cycle, I'm an original songwriter not some karaoke wannabe auditioning on The Voice X Factor AGT or American Idol, how come ya'll won't make room, if u continue to stifle my art I'm doomed, this is my purpose, otherwise I feel like a failure utterly meaningless and worthless, it's hard to maintain hope and faith, I lack the virtue of patience and can no longer wait, when do I deserve or earned my opportunity, I'm not doing it for selfish fortune or fame but for the young gay community, trying to give minorities a strong insightful voice, I'm not always dignified and poised, in fact I know I still got a lot to learn, but I consistently strive and yearn, to awaken our collective consciousness, prove and show there's more to the next generation than spoiled entitled laziness and incompetence, but baby boomers need to let go of control, trust that there are plenty of righteous inspirational capable souls ready to fill the voids and holes, we need new blood, to be brave courageously standing up for the truth justice equality and love!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/20/17

Limitless Felicitousness

This one's for us, all the minorities that lack the talent voice or guts, to stand up and fight, for what's fair just and right, trying to provide inspiration and hope, before more fall victim to guns or rope, suicide is no joke or hoax, what happened to our government sticking up for the poor and old folks, the collective has somehow lost its power, and it would seem we have approached our darkest hours, evil people now rule, employment has become an enslaving tool, slowly but surely eradicating the middle class, you can't pray away gay going to mass, or change the color of ur skin, shouldn't give in and let the devil win, it's never over or too late, we can take control of our destiny/fate, but u must open ur mind, explore more to see what u can find, start thinking with our hearts, being rich doesn't make u smart, u could be a liar cheat or thief, there's so much atrocity pain strife and grief, working hard no longer leads to success, it's almost impossible to get ahead or out of debt so we feel less, like no matter what we fail, money seems to be the holy grail, but it can't save our souls, imagine a world of no poverty hunger or homelessness just peace across the whole globe, I believe it can happen, why do we perpetually let ourselves be divided into individual factions, we're stronger and better together, I'm Houdini when it comes to being tied tethered and fettered, like Pinocchio we ain't got strings, I miss being moved when somebody sings, wish rap wasn't pretty much all crap, how do we bridge that gap, between record labels and skilled artists, aren't ya'll sick of these entitled narcissists, we used to idolize icons for a reason, celebrity has lost it's meaning, worshiping false prophets, hate like pollution is spreading with no answer on how to stop it, why hasn't the US taken the lead, helped the world go green, replace pharmaceuticals with holistic remedies, we're running out of room for dumps and cemeteries, religious leaders preachers and teachers have lost their way, when I think about the children I'm terrified and afraid, look at the legacy we're leaving, my blood's boiling and seething, consumed by frustration bitterness jealousy envy and anger, what happened to being kind and respectful to strangers, u never know what others have gone or are going thru, even if u do walk a mile in the same shoes, it's a metaphor dumb ass, where is the love and common sense I have to ask, the level of ignorance is alarming, same goes for Big Brother watching and monitoring, invading our privacy, music got destroyed by piracy, fuck digital, we're all a lil hypocritical, Rag'n'Bone Man said it best "I'm only human after all", the law of gravity states that which rises inevitably falls, "don't put ur blame on me", this used to be the land of the free, and home of the brave, please don't lay down wave ur white flag and cave, achieving glory takes consistent persistence, if no one else will step up I'll lead the resistance, I refuse to accept that's just the way it is, enough with the ruthless corrupt competitive corporate conglomerate big business, and this illogical wasteful unnecessary consumer culture, ya'll acting like sharks snakes monsters and vultures, yes sex sells, but paves the way to hell, we're defined by our reputation and actions yet only as good as our word, use abuse to motivate past the hurt, no pain no gain, sunshine comes after the moon and rain, it's time to let love's light shine, cuz when we unite and combine, felicitousness is limitless, and we can eradicate this listless frivolous vicious malicious wickedness!

Peace and 1,
10/19/17   

Beating The Sheeple Pleasing & Teasing

I'm getting very worried, about my temp job and money, come the end of December, I will miss the security and sweet splendor, of having a 9 to 5, altho my true passion of music really makes me come alive, bur right now it's just a pipe dream hobby, no amount of hate or negativity can stop me, I am determined and driven, how dare anyone judge the way I'm living, keep ur jealousy to urself, in life we all need a lil help, I'm simply lucky and blessed, ain't no oracle so my future too is guess, financially I'm a mess, discouraged from failing success's test, I've lost my motivational hope and zest, never set out to be rich and famous or boast I'm the best, I just try hard, follow my heart, always been told, I'm an old soul, but time takes it toll, as I grow gray and cold, broke the mold, embracing being bold, unique and one of a kind, a brilliant mind, that over analyzes and questions too much, has trouble distinguishing love from lust, got guts, but blindly trust, believing in the good within people, ignoring the fact there's also inherently evil, the path we pick is a choice, still trying to fine tune my voice, learning my limits, refraining from gimmicks, but sick and tired of not catching a break, seems listeners prefer pop garbage commercialized fakes, lacking lyrical content and skills, I create thought provoking conscious songs to achieve happiness and become existentially fulfilled, writing is my therapy, fuck ya'll if u don't understand or get me, I don't do it for u, I'm done being a sheeple pleasing fool, I'm proud of all I've survived and accomplished, continue to try to be real genuine and honest, but I'm not perfect and never said I was, it's not what one says anyway it's about what he or she does, I religiously follow thru, I've had to restart from scratch every time I moved, I'm often shocked appalled and amazed, at the incredibly intelligent compassionate empath my public servant teacher parents raised, a lot less dazed and confused, same goes for being hazed from marijuana abuse, coping way better with stress, stopped hiding my insecurity behind sarcasm/jest, boy relationships aren't easy, especially when the gay community's so slutty and sleazy, trying to get in between and ruin us, wish I was a magician/illusionist, able to pretend to be happy, when 35 still living at home I feel like a failure miserable crabby and crappy, why do nay sayers gotta laugh at me when I mention my aspirations, I don't need all ur approbations, I'll sell out stadiums and get that Grammy, without having to sell myself or expose my fanny, sex may sell, but I don't want my reputation to go to hell, my pride isn't worth the cost, and I refuse to be bought, I'll make it on my own, eventually settle down and buy a home, but for now, I'm not gonna focus on how, just enjoy the journey/ride, no I won't close my eyes, they'll be wide open, this adventure doesn't require any tokens, it's simply what u make of it, instead of taking pics I poetically express it so other's can come along join or relate to shit, it's a god given gift, meant to help inspire and uplift, keep trying to fix the rift or shift, rap today's got me pissed, cuz it lacks meaning, while I'm contemplating the universe's existential reasoning, perhaps I'm too serious and deep, for so long I didn't make waves or utter a peep, if u cut me off I'll scoff swear or at least beep, I won't ever just accept defeat, my hot headed Italian Gemini stubbornness simply can't be beat!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/17/17 

Live Breathe & Believe With The Determination To Achieve

There are many things I'm not proud of, but I fly high on the wings of love, anger makes us say things we don't mean, everyone has vices a past and dreams, but do u have the courage to overcome all odds, the ability to reach far beyond the stars, to the intangibly unseen, success is something I fiend, not for financial reasons or the fame, life is nothing like the board game, it takes a lot of sacrificial hard work, when compromising I'm a jerk, cuz I take business personally and make decisions from my heart, I have a college degree but also extremely street savvy/smart, but I'm no better than anyone else, altho I'm not afraid to vulnerably ask for help, show my emotions, let my stubbornness cause a commotion, what can I say I have a big mouth, I don't use fists often I prefer to verbally bout, in other words debate, it's not about arguing blaming or hate, but my sarcasm can get in the way, I don't believe u can pray problems away, nor in an invisible man in the sky, I over analyze and inherently ask why, probably too many times, I don't understand the retort I'm fine, especially if ur not, defamation or hurting people is never my intentional or vindictive vengeful plot, I've got a good soul, I finally found a man who makes me feel whole, even tho we constantly bicker and fight, eventually we put aside who's wrong or right, getting back to basics, time heals but never erases, that's why we forgive but don't forget, not communicating to avoid me getting upset, isn't a justifiable excuse, we're all victims and perpetrators of some sort of abuse, using manipulation and lies, to trick others over to our side, disagreements aren't war, so what are those kind of hardcore tactics for, self defense is a natural reaction, just like when awkward situations happen I start laughing, I don't mean to do that, I need to exhibit more patience and tact, not letting my empathy, get the best of me, ruling my behavior, music is my savior, a universal language, helping me deal with pain frustration and anguish, when therapy booze or pot isn't enough, dealing with excessive stress is rough and tough, we gotta stop looking up, for someone else to come fill our cups, only u can make u fulfilled and happy, why do we perpetually go negative and nasty, instead of mature/classy, don't believe gossiping rumors just ask me, I'm spunky and sassy, but it can be a detriment, I change for embetterment, and for my health, ur existence isn't valued or defined by the amount of accumulated wealth, money doesn't buy joy, yes lots of materialistic things like cars yachts mansions other gadgets and toys, I've never been part of the club of good ole boys, pretending to be coy is a stupid ploy, just be humbly genuine, I aspire to exude respectable gentleman, perhaps also profound, being too seriously deep can bring a crowd down, yet truth consciousness and honesty, are very necessary compared to quiet politically correct modesty, there's a fine line, I'm not a kind mime, but a poetic thought provoking lyricist, never be consumed by fear resist, maybe we need a revolution, against corporate greed and pollution, for justice and equality, Trump's leading towards Revelations and Nostradamus's prophecies, I wanna go out on my own terms, schools teach history but we still haven't learned, should humanity accept defeat, are we doomed to cyclically repeat, I know we have only so much control, let's eradicate poverty hunger and homelessness to create peace around the globe, ask urself what legacy u wanna leave, then be like me always trying to strive with determination and achieve it while we're still alive and breathe! 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/16/17

For All The Ostracized & Excluded

Tho it may seem I haven't written anything negative, sharing it is simply no longer imperative, I've decided not to put certain things out in the universe, cuz I'm realizing like sticks and stones words hurt, but I can't deny I feel censored, wish I could be mentored, by Lauryn Mariah or Pac, I hear each and every tick tock, as I get closer to missing my chance, why are singers required to dance, every entertainer has their specialty/niche, talent skills and gifts, all the superfluous tricks gimmicks and shticks, can't fix the raw ability to sing or spit, but yes we can always improve, instead of emulating just do u, sure u can be inspired, but an exact replica isn't required, imitation is apparently the highest form of flattery, but I consider copy catting assault and battery, it's my image and reputation on the line, so I'm gonna take my time, getting my songs as close to perfect as I can, altho I understand I'm just a man, I strive to be my best, after all I define success, fuck record studios and contracts, I don't need ur bank roll or contacts, this is my divine destiny, and I could care less if u believe it's meant to be, cuz I do and that's what matters most, I'm too humble and modest to brag or boast, that's why I need a manager to help, promote and market myself, otherwise I come off as arrogant pompous and cocky, u really think I'm gonna let nay sayers and haters stop me, I don't give up, on my art or finding love, even with bad experiences and epic failure, whether or not u agree I'm hip hop's savior, I deserve and have earned some respect, unlike the President-elect, I pride on being a good person, that's why I continue working, I handle my responsibilities, my dreams aren't wishful thinking they're real possibilities, I'm not looking for fortune or fame/popularity, I seek existential happiness and clarity, fight for truth justice and equality, I'm not a gossipy wannabe progeny, consumed with misogyny hypocrisy bureaucracy autocracy dishonesty or despondency, but an uncommonly consciously prodigy, interested in philosophy and fulfilling my prophecy, most my poetry is insightful thought provoking and seriously deep not comedy, yes sarcastic and sassy, cuz that's me, a Gemini guy, who no longer lives life high, stoned out of my gourd, I don't blame or thank the Lord, I'm no longer religious but spiritual, this emcee isn't about the beat I'm lyrical, don't fear it tho, college educated and still empirical, extremely well rounded, rap music today's confounded, pisses me off, ya'll can laugh snicker or scoff, I don't mind if u can't stand me, my goal is to win that Grammy, and I'm rather quite determined, to eradicate impostors and money hungry vermin, I do this for the joy, and for all those other young white gay boys, who have ever felt ostracized or excluded, please open ur mind's eye and realize that u too can do it!   

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious

10/10/17 

Tongue Twisting Rhymes Killing Time

Thru good times and bad, when ur happy or sad, music is the answer, whether ur a rapper singer songwriter or dancer, it's a universal language, whether inspiring positivity or inciting anguish, it connects people, love always triumphs over hate and evil, wake up and get conscious, a lack of lyricism is toxic and obnoxious, where's common sense and logic, when curve balls fly at ur face u gotta duck dive or dodge it, obstacles and hurdles means u need to jump, no one could've predicted a reality tv star President Trump, but hey that's what we got, whether we like it or not, sorry to get political, perhaps ud rather have Tom Riddle, in other words Voldemort, feel trapped in a windowless room with a bolted door, is Earth really hell, with all the atrocity and pain it's hard to tell, even worse than finding meaning and purpose, in the situations and circumstances that hurt us, especially our collective soul, as humans there's so much we don't know, we can't yield the power of the Gods, why in business do we lead with our minds and not our hearts, money is the root of what, believing achieving/fulfilling ur dreams takes passion drive and guts, can u muster the motivation or strength, to actually go the distance or length, or will u lay down and roll over, not everyone can handle the weight of the world on their shoulders, I'm not doing this selfishly for me, it's for the existential "we", I'm super seriously deep, thought provoking uncensored banishing ennui, listen as I'm killing time, with very clever vocabulary and tongue twisting rhymes, that'll make u think yet bob ur head, I'll sleep when I'm dead, cuz Nas said they're cousins, all of a sudden with a push of a button, dozens of gluttons, face Death's naturally punishing summons, and like Pac I'm wondering "how long will they mourn", uve been warned scorned and torn, since we've been born, how dare u surgically alter or morph to adorn, we're all beautifully special in the Lord's eyes, relationships are about communication and compromise, while life and existence is complicated finding equilibrium or balance, striving for perfection is noble and valiant, but it's like the horizon line receding as it's approached, wish there was some sort of instruction manual self help book or coach, cuz I'm still so lost and confused, can't watch anymore negative news, it's subliminal mental abuse, are we destined to lose, my perception's the truth is just a ruse, adversity and conflict seems to be my muse, waiting for the other ball or shoe to drop, maybe dooms day's destruction inevitably can't be stopped, what is our legacy, being classic's defined by longevity, epicness by brevity, where is our integrity, do u too excessively use alcohol and pot as stress therapy, we have a propensity for complexity codependency and supremacy, inherently infectiously incessantly inflexibly desperately and contemptuously have heredity a necessity/tendency/expectancy, for jealousy obscenity weaponry hegemony and inequity over empathy heavenly ecstasy revelry and transcendency!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/6/17

Heal Hearts Minds Souls & The Whole World

I keep misdirecting anger, I've become but a stranger, looking in the mirror, wish I could see the future clearer, but it's all hopes wishes and dreams, nothing ever is as it seems, it's just illusions, so melodramatic thinking I'm destroyed and ruined, cuz things didn't go exactly as planned, sometimes we don't see the purpose or understand, why we go thru what we do, everything up until this point has made u, the person u are right now, I often can't contemplate how, did I even make it this far, and my heart didn't grow cold and hard, my soul is still intact, the truth is impossible to find in a world filled with alternative facts, am I the only one who thinks shit's gone crazy, the next generation is spoiled coddled and lazy, especially when it comes to work ethic, what's ur motto/method, to get thru life, with all the pain and strife, obstacles and hurdles, when things go south get rotten coagulated and curdled, which makes existence seem disgustingly gross and messy, miss the good old days taking high rides with the besty, now failed expectations define friendships, not to mention all the fun activities are expensive, especially food beaches sports games parking concerts or going to the movies, course u could sell sex if u got a big dick or boobies, be a pimp or a drug dealer, ain't nobody in hip hop more conscious or realer, fuck humble modesty, I'll give pure unadulterated uncensored honesty, try to be super genuine, a gay white rapper who's not stereotypically over-sexualized or feminine, just ur average Joe, fame and fortune isn't what matters tho, I wanna leave a lasting positive mark, open people's minds and touch their heart, make the hairs stand up straight, not because they're afraid, but they get the chills, from connecting relating and appreciating my actual talent and skills, I may sarcastically jest, I know I'm not the best, I strive to learn and be better, let's existentially elevate and rise high together, unite to fight, for truth justice equality love and light, we should all strive to do what's right, our voices have might, just like peaceful protest, pillaging looting and unnecessary violence is stupid and grotesque, treat others the way u want to be treated, if u said Trump would be President 5 years ago I wouldn't have believed it, I mean a reality tv star, what's worse is this is now standard/par, maybe Oprah will be next, I often wonder if humans are inherently cursed or hexed, I've heard of original sin, not everyone is destined to have kin, but we deserve the chance, to lend a helping hand, provide stability and a family to underprivileged abandoned unwanted youth, u can't make or teach someone to be homosexual so that point is moot, I'm sick and tired of illogical screwed up excuses, when we lack compassion empathy or sympathy our collective soul loses, whether u say salute peace or blessed be, please like Mike sang "make it a better place for u and for me"!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/5/17   

Song's Wrong Deadlines Come & Gone

It's hard to have all this passion, while others ride coattails without taking action, I've given u weeks that turned to months into years, spent all this money yet u won't follow thru is my biggest fear, what am I supposed to do now, I can't contemplate nor understand how, the deadline has come and gone, the final versions are still wrong, uve taken no time upon urself, I've always been there to help, which I like, and I don't want to fight, but this is ridiculous, most producers are hypocrites, wanna charge an arm and a leg upfront, then they get lazy when we're approaching being done, I'm about to lose my patience, I'm waiting growing ancient and anxious, I have no more recourse, and I don't want my songs to be rushed or forced, but u dilly dallied far too long, u haven't 100% completed one song, I don't think I'm being unreasonable, ur effort's negligible and treasonable, not trying to be a jerk, just do the fucking work, like u promised, if I'm being honest, perhaps u should master faster, ur pace is slower than Scooby Do and Shaggy trying to capture Casper, otherwise I'm screwed, this is mental and spiritual abuse, I'm tired and fed up, got nothing but love, I'm sorry tho enough is enough, all our lives are busy and tough, we have a verbal agreement and written contract, I shouldn't have to find another producer to credit for the skills u lack, it's basically too late, I need a miracle or to at least catch a break, my temper is on the rise, no matter how many tears I've cried, I don't feel better, thought we were so good together, yet I'm so stressed, I'm a hot mess, misdirecting my annoyance and frustration, close but not yet to the point of summation, very aggravated and pissed, I want my album to be on adults and kids' wish lists, I question if it'll be ready for the holiday season, what is the meaning and cosmic reasoning, for having to deal with this crap, can't start from scratch, there's no rewind or redo, hope has pulled me thru, tho my faith is fading, my energy level's waning, I gotta stay strong, keep holding on, just like my lyrics say, this is not only for me but for each and every gay, and altho yes I am also white, let me be a guiding shining light, spreading some truth and consciousness, eradicating the toxic pop hip hop obnoxiousness, bringing back that old school style rap, bridge that mile high wild gap, making music refreshingly new and cool, commercially appealing chart topping epic ground breaking classics that rule, nobody can do what I do, I'm not being cocky it's simply true, exposing the tools and fools, refusing to do battles or duels, cuz I'm not about bashing and minimizing others, this is for everyone the fathers mothers sisters and brothers!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/4/17 

Gratefully Graciously & Greatly Treasured

Forgiveness isn't limitless, but should be a litmus, to test one's faith in people, do u agree that good will always triumph over evil, then have hope, I'm hanging on by a single thread of hemp rope, which is about to give out, so sick of life and the constant bout, I really don't know how, to graciously take a bow, when I'm misinterpreted and misunderstood, why did I give too much more than what I took, helping others helps ourselves, overworking and stress are detrimental to our health, forget about drugs, there's healing powers in hugs, I'm wondering like Black Eyed Peas "Where Is The Love", why do we keep looking up, for solutions and answers, I think human beings are cancer, consuming and destroying everything in the wake of it's path, but we underestimate mother nature the cosmos and the divine universe's wrath, we aren't Gods, do u say hi with daps a half hug and a pat on the back or a simple head nod, I guess it depends on the connection, in the gay community friends more than family are a blessing, however I have both, a solid support system not to gloat, that doesn't mean I'm absolved from problems tho, adversity more so than achievement gives us the ability to grow, it's funny how many catch 22s, that appear to be lose lose, wish ya'll could walk a day in my shoes, understand why like Craft macaroni and cheese I got the blues, who's rules are the ones to follow, we're not promised but should still plan for tomorrow, don't live out of fear or with regrets, just at least try ur best, that is all anyone can ask, remove the politically correct disingenuous masks, be who u truly are, whether near or far, time distance nor space, could ever replace or erase, the desire to be with u, even if I'm a masochistic naive ignorant fool, it's my right and choice, sorry if u don't like my singing voice, I'm still gonna express my soul, reach my dreams/goals, with or without a partner, am I a flower or a gardener, not selfish but definitely self centered, I've never been guided or mentored, about how to be gay or a sustainable independent artist, it's almost impossible to sell urself when ur humble and modest, I wanna stay level headed and grounded, the pavement ahead of me has been pounded, while still having a day job to pay bills, celebrity today isn't about talent or skills, it's sheer popularity, I don't need to rely on gimmicks a sexy image or vulgarities, I fantasize about going on tour, my songs may be a lil wordy deep intense and long but I guarantee ur not bored, I'm spreading truth love and consciousness, censorship is feeding the obnoxiousness, fuck dumbing down, I wanna be inspirational classic and profound, I hate pop hip hop, a lack of lyrical content needs to stop, who cares about the beat, and if it makes u dance or at least tap ur feet, what are u trying to accomplish and say, do u have meaning or a reason, give something to passionately believe in evoking chilling hair raising goose bump producing feeling, I'm kneeling praying, dealing with the world changing, for worse or for better, being cursed hurts but we can weather the storms together, u define happiness and how success is measured, existence itself should gratefully and graciously be greatly treasured!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/3/17