I'm getting very worried, about my temp job and money, come the end of December, I will miss the security and sweet splendor, of having a 9 to 5, altho my true passion of music really makes me come alive, bur right now it's just a pipe dream hobby, no amount of hate or negativity can stop me, I am determined and driven, how dare anyone judge the way I'm living, keep ur jealousy to urself, in life we all need a lil help, I'm simply lucky and blessed, ain't no oracle so my future too is guess, financially I'm a mess, discouraged from failing success's test, I've lost my motivational hope and zest, never set out to be rich and famous or boast I'm the best, I just try hard, follow my heart, always been told, I'm an old soul, but time takes it toll, as I grow gray and cold, broke the mold, embracing being bold, unique and one of a kind, a brilliant mind, that over analyzes and questions too much, has trouble distinguishing love from lust, got guts, but blindly trust, believing in the good within people, ignoring the fact there's also inherently evil, the path we pick is a choice, still trying to fine tune my voice, learning my limits, refraining from gimmicks, but sick and tired of not catching a break, seems listeners prefer pop garbage commercialized fakes, lacking lyrical content and skills, I create thought provoking conscious songs to achieve happiness and become existentially fulfilled, writing is my therapy, fuck ya'll if u don't understand or get me, I don't do it for u, I'm done being a sheeple pleasing fool, I'm proud of all I've survived and accomplished, continue to try to be real genuine and honest, but I'm not perfect and never said I was, it's not what one says anyway it's about what he or she does, I religiously follow thru, I've had to restart from scratch every time I moved, I'm often shocked appalled and amazed, at the incredibly intelligent compassionate empath my public servant teacher parents raised, a lot less dazed and confused, same goes for being hazed from marijuana abuse, coping way better with stress, stopped hiding my insecurity behind sarcasm/jest, boy relationships aren't easy, especially when the gay community's so slutty and sleazy, trying to get in between and ruin us, wish I was a magician/illusionist, able to pretend to be happy, when 35 still living at home I feel like a failure miserable crabby and crappy, why do nay sayers gotta laugh at me when I mention my aspirations, I don't need all ur approbations, I'll sell out stadiums and get that Grammy, without having to sell myself or expose my fanny, sex may sell, but I don't want my reputation to go to hell, my pride isn't worth the cost, and I refuse to be bought, I'll make it on my own, eventually settle down and buy a home, but for now, I'm not gonna focus on how, just enjoy the journey/ride, no I won't close my eyes, they'll be wide open, this adventure doesn't require any tokens, it's simply what u make of it, instead of taking pics I poetically express it so other's can come along join or relate to shit, it's a god given gift, meant to help inspire and uplift, keep trying to fix the rift or shift, rap today's got me pissed, cuz it lacks meaning, while I'm contemplating the universe's existential reasoning, perhaps I'm too serious and deep, for so long I didn't make waves or utter a peep, if u cut me off I'll scoff swear or at least beep, I won't ever just accept defeat, my hot headed Italian Gemini stubbornness simply can't be beat!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/17/17
No comments:
Post a Comment