Friday, April 20, 2018

Instantly Knew It Was U

Wish there was more I could do to cheer u up
Sometimes my love isn't enough
Ur so incredible
Only one to have access to my unmentionables
Ur the first person I think of
I wanna be there right now to give u a hug
U poor thing
Why can't I reciprocate the joy u bring
I'm wicked easy to please
Ur not only what I want but what I need
Beautiful both inside and out
From the minute u put ur lips to my mouth
Instantly I knew
The person I wanna spend the rest of my life with is u

-Joe Conscious
4/20/18

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Don't Be Indifferent To The Blistering Belligerent Bickering

Haven't had much to say, in the past few days, but it doesn't mean I ain't stressed, perhaps it's writer's block I guess, I've been so focused on my new album coming out, hope it helps finally give me some respect and clout, I don't need money or awards, I'm perfectly happen with some name recognition and applause, at least for now, I'd achieve success if I knew how, what am I doing wrong, maybe too lengthy wordy songs, people don't like to think, in fact common sense is almost extinct, hip hop music today stinks, rappers self proclaim themselves Gods and kings, without paying any dues, who makes up these industry standards and rules, cuz I'm confused, why are indy artists neglected and abused, if Macklemore and Chance can do it so can I, performing for me is a natural rush/high, trying to spread that "Truth Love & Consciousness", I'm sick of all this unintelligent nonsensical obnoxiousness, what happened to the value of lyrics, is there a moral to the story or didn't I hear it, we need to grow past this ghetto gangster mentality, but go back to before digital and virtual reality, it's consuming human's existence, like a ravenous contagious plague epidemic and there's no resistance, when it comes to history we're pretty much ignorant, enough with being indifferent to the blistering belligerent bickering, between repubs and dems, let's not toe the fiscal cliff again, stop playing with our lives, fuck political lies and bribes, the economy isn't something to play with, Trump's divided us and shed light on our nation's discriminating hatred, it's like it's inherently ingrained, the working poor are becoming more and more enslaved, simpleton monotonous robots, hitting brick walls dead ends and roadblocks, at every step or turn, the nice guy's always getting robbed or burned, defined by atrocity, conclusions aren't answered logically, can't follow ur train of thought, how does one's soul get bought, does a heart actually break, do we have free will or prisoners of predestined fate, stuck pondering, aimlessly wandering, searching for some purpose and meaning, when did we collectively give up on believing, especially in our individual power within, is there redemption from any sin, what about losing faith, have no hope thing's will still change, nothing's getting better or easier, just harder and sleazier, hard work no longer pays, criminals are idolized and praised, even elected president, society turned backwards upside down and it's pretty evident, peace has been replaced by chaos, let's have a seance, to talk to MLK Bob Marley or Pac, so I can ask these revolutionaries how the hell they made it to the top, leaving an incredibly long epic legacy, many try to replicate out of envy and jealousy, this isn't a west vs east coast revelry, bop ur head or tap ur feet to the melody, please just do me the favor and remember me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/11/18

Thursday, April 5, 2018

A Stagnant Magnet

One day left to go for the work week, does anybody else feel like life's a jerk on repeat, after a while it all seems the same, like existence is just a game, and I'm losing badly, would start from scratch gladly, but not ready to give up, America's the new Titanic our ship's sunk, why don't we live love, I miss his hugs, I don't see him enough, guess it's tough luck, success is aloof, there's no proof of the truth, we ultimately decide, what if religion is an elaborate lie, simply used as a tool to control, why in business is there no ethical heart or soul, what's more important experience or education, u for holistic remedies or medication, u know pharmaceuticals own our government, corporations oil companies and big banks aren't suffering, in fact they got tax cuts, haven't ya'll had enough, so much corruption and greed, nothing is free, not even the air we breathe, is God a he or a she, perhaps a genderless it, pondering existential questions is some strenuous shit, I mean did the chicken or egg come first, why did Jesus leave us cursed, is Earth really hell, and Trump the devil, kinda makes sense, we're extremely divided and tense, on the verge of both civil and world wars, as the rich 1%'s wealth astronomically soars, will there be a financial collapse, debt can enslave and entraps, humans appear to be naive ignorant gullible saps, while pay raises collectively lags and drags, going on decades with no increase, with mass school shootings we expect teachers to be police, they're already parenting our kids, do u realize that Santa the Easter Bunny and the Tooth-fairy are elaborate fibs, duping exponential generations, shouldn't make blanket statements based on generalizations, stereotypes aren't always accurate, can conception really be immaculate, I wanna know who shot, JFK Biggie and Pac, we need to redefine our inalienable rights, why does everything resort to violent demonstrations or fights, there's no hope for peace, look what we sowed and reaped, is this the legacy we want to leave, no fundamental faith or belief, wolves are outnumbering sheep, the uphill battle is dangerously steep, I keep trying to save up money to move and just leave, wish I still had some tricks up my sleeve, but I'm all out of ideas, compromised by my fears, so I'm unmotivated and stagnant, lost souls are attracted to me like a magnet, I'm no better off, tho I walk my talk, I'm in the same boat, that can't carry us across the moat, an outsider begging to be let in, finally gays get their wedding, but they're not impervious to divorce, does patience have its rewards, cuz I haven't seen any fruits from my labor, ya'll are foolish to think Trump would be our savior, fuck the electoral college, Congress is void of all common sense wisdom and knowledge, basically useless and rather inept, how can we avoid the gravity effect, that which rises must fall, funny how 2 superpowers can make the whole global economy stall.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/5/18 

Friday, March 30, 2018

Death Makes Me An Emotional Wreck

Of course hell exists, we're living in it, if ya'll actually analyze life, it ain't nothing but pain atrocity tragedy and strife, we all wind up dead, but true extinction is when we forget, we live on thru the minds and hearts of others, how can u be billionaires be greedy while the 98% suffers, lying and cheating, is one degree lower than killing and stealing, get what u want by hard work, don't be a smart jerk, it's still wrong even if u didn't get caught, our soul's priceless and should never be bought, stand up for what u believe in, look at the results ur yielding, but u determine what success is, shouldn't strive for perfection or to be the bestest, I'm ok with above average, my life isn't less valuable cuz I didn't have kids or a marriage, I know I am worthy, both God and the universe have burned me, but I'm still here, I refuse to be ruled by fear, it isn't easy trying to stay positive, negativity like sexuality shouldn't be closeted, nobody is happy all the time, stop saying ur fine, especially if ur not, gotta give ur passion everything uve got, or else dreams won't come true, put urself in someone else's shoes, before u criticize or judge, life's way too short to hold a grudge, love is stronger than hate, do u think there's free will or a predestined fate, that answer decides who holds the power, what do u want to accomplish before ur final hours, there isn't enough emphasis on developing a legacy, do u want to be kept alive artificially/medically, cremated or buried, did school actually help get u adult ready, lately I've been all over the place, must remember life is a journey not a race, don't compare urself to ur peers, there's no better high than tons of applause compliments and cheers, u can't recapture ur youth, ur not helping hiding the truth, remain genuine open and honest, it's overwhelming being an indy artist, money is the biggest issue, I woke up this morning needing a tissue, cuz I kept dreaming about Jeff, I'm such an emotional mess, but I'll cherish the fond memories, refrain from making enemies, by simply doing the right thing, never give up and let the fight win, find some inner peace, strive to go farther than u can reach, "Beyond The Stars", are women really from Venus and men from Mars, it's kind of logical, we need to pick better role models, fuck Trump, Bernie should've won, now we're extremely divided, how have we become so numb and misguided, forgetting to learn from our past history, humanity's survival is very much a mystery, with nuclear weapons galore, I never understood the allure of war, what does it solve, why can't we existentially elevate and evolve, enough is enough already people, please don't let the whole globe get destroyed and corrupted by evil!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/30/18

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Everything Isn't Always Colorful Or Wonderful

It's been a rough week, to say the least, but it's getting really old, why are God the universe and karma so cold, like they enjoy seeing us suffer and squirm, I don't need tragedy to learn, I am perfectly capable of evolving, handling conflict and problem solving, without having to fail, sometimes I get so angry I actually wail, I'm so sick of life, all the pain plight and strife, it's just never-ending, the ghosting defriending and benching, it's almost too much to bare, and nobody really cares, cuz they're tired of my bitching and complaining, I understand it's annoying and draining, but I go above and beyond for other people, the lack of reciprocity is unbelievable, for them to say they didn't ask, please don't make me laugh, it doesn't excuse u from being indebted, why are guilt and shame so embedded, I have this inane inability to say no, when do I get to reap what I sow, I've worked long and hard, gave all my soul and heart, yet it isn't enough, I'm unsuccessful at both music and love, so I ask myself what is the fucking point, I wanna smoke a fat ass blunt or joint, then contemplate existential questions, when ur stuck in a rut it's impossible to see and appreciate any blessings, I've run out of time patience and luck, I have this extreme insatiable appetite of unfulfilled horniness and lust, I need some kinky sex, feel like my relationship is hexed, every day goes by and nothing's changed, except I'm more bitter jaded combative and enraged, I want compliments and credit, imagine if we could go back to edit, mistakes wouldn't happen, I'd forego college to pursue rapping, it sucks being such a late bloomer, perhaps I should take over for my dad and be a dog breeder/boarder/groomer, I simply want my future to be financially sustainable and secure, takes tremendous strength to avoid being consumed by fame's allure, even tho I know it's imperative, to move forward less negative, something has got to give, I'm frustrated and pissed, that everybody else gets to take and take and take, I hate the spoiled fakes and flakes, getting my hopes and expectations up, ya'll don't have half my drive or guts, but receive no empathy or compassion, keep waiting for action, when we have the power to make fate, given free will and a blank slate, unless u believe in predestiny, human's are responsible regrettably, since by nature we're fallible, the word war isn't palatable, violence can't be the answer, perhaps we're in fact a type of cancer, maybe Earth is just a snow globe, do u ever wanna go rogue, run away and hide, close ur eyes and die, those aren't good thoughts, I pretend to be butterflies and moths, depending on if I'm feeling colorful, wish I was genuinely happy and wonderful, but the truth is I'm not, probably won't be very long now before I'm replaced by a robot!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/29/18

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Stop Waiting On The Other Shoe To Drop

Accidents happen, but is God up there laughing, cuz I feel like he's a sadistic prick, an outright asshole/dick, there are so many flaws in creation, him and I need mediation, we've got issues, it's always neglect or abuse, who's the Gemini here, death provokes extreme fear, I'm tired of the universe fucking with me, work's life sucking ain't free, in fact I make out in the deal, but I swear taxes are imposed to legally steal, our government is so fucked up and corrupt, citizens are about to erupt, they no longer serve the people, while our president is the very definition of evil, a ruthless business man, every election I'm like "what is this sham", it's not even about the popular vote, runs our country like it's a reality tv show, quite frankly I'm disgusted, Amazon and Walmart are even invading the rural and rustic, technology's making humanity obsolete, black folks still can't really trust cops and police, there's so much systemic racism discrimination and prejudice, sometimes sheer existence seems incredulous, too many unanswerable questions, how can atrocity be perceived as a blessing, rock bottom sucks, what if ur consistently down on ur luck, stuck in rut, and got the awful feeling in ur gut, just waiting for the other shoe to drop, can this curse be stopped, is the point of life to die, do I even believe in an invisible man in the sky, who was magically able to resurrect and rise, could miraculously turn water into wine, but also heals and cleanses, empathy's about seeing things from other perspectives and lenses, open ur mind's eye, of course we can all fly, there's Southwest Delta and United, perhaps tragedy is needed for a spark or flame to be ignited, light inevitably conquers darkness, don't sell ur soul or become numb and heartless, like Mariah sings "gotta keep the faith", "and love will be there to guide the way", having hope is the key, shouldn't focus on how long is eternity, ull simply stress urself out, be brave bout and don't be afraid to help shout, our collective voice is super strong, in time history will tell what was virtuously righteous and true or wrong, it is pretty much common sense, it's ok to make mistakes fail and fall if u take responsibility learn and repent, sorrow and forgiveness are important, we all need a support system and reinforcements, "we get by with a little help from our friends", be sure to respect elders and ur rents, they are full of wisdom, Earth is our kingdom, like our bodies are temples we must take care of them, tho I often wonder if we are born again, reincarnated and recycled, some say my generation is spoiled and entitled, whatever our future holds, always try ur best to achieve dreams and goals but enjoy the journey as it unfolds!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/28/18 

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Let's Assess This Where Success Is

I need to change my ways, having lots of trouble these days, my anxiety is always thru the roof, the next level seems to be aloof, no matter what I try, I can't crossover to the other side, to where success is, let's collectively assess this, I double majored and got a BA in college, got years of work experience common sense and street knowledge, I'm very well traveled, but my goal's future's becoming unraveled, how do I make it as an emcee/rapper, I wanna celebrate be happy and find laughter, lately I've been consumed by gloom and doom, maybe it's time to take shrooms, trip and live a little, am I the grape skittle, u know the one no one likes, why is our relationship defined by fights, it's like my life ghosted me, I'm a late bloomer while ya'll progress precociously, and boy am I stubborn, or a punishment glutton, constantly reimagining anecdotes, trying to provide inspiration insight truth love and hope, cuz everything appears dark and dreary, people are hanging on by a thread barely, it's quite scary, and I consider myself a brave radical fairy, my partner must learn to share me, this light shouldn't be dimmed, let's start over and rebegin, I know I can do much better, let's write each other more love letters, I want to make u feel special, cuz ur super sexy and insanely incredible, but now somehow I've neglected myself, I seriously need help, therapy and meds aren't enough, what if we're perpetually cursed with bad luck, there's a limit to how much shit a person can take, I guess we can all be fake, everything in moderation right, do u think it's impossible to do hip hop if ur gay and white, is there some kind of unspoken rule I never knew, it's 2018 I figured there'd already at least be a few, #metoo, why do minorities lose, women of course as the majority are the exception, what if existence is inception, how do we know if we're in the matrix or real and awake, one inexplicable question I can't shake, what came first the egg or the chicken, do u ever wish u could give God a good ass kicking, I'm not trying to be funny, why do we repeatedly sacrifice happiness for money, thinking we can buy it, who came up with the idea to deep fry shit, there are so many magnificent anomalies and divine wonders, humanity's original sin creates thunderous blunders, just look at global warming, imagine if oil came with a warning, produces smog which kills the ozone and mother nature, technological inventions are supposed to make us more efficient and society greater, not used for evil, every single person alive should be treated regal, with a certain decency and respect, technically we're all cops and it's our job to serve and protect, remember it takes a village, don't rape kill loot or pillage, but patience is the ultimate virtue, be careful tho cuz karma will still come back around and hurt u!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/27/18 

Friday, March 9, 2018

Respectfully Cherish & Mourn Jeff's Gone

Death's destiny, but there isn't one single childhood memory, that does't include Jeff, at least the moments I cherish best, he was a great person and an even better dad, altho he wasn't my own his passing is equally tragic and sad, I'm still kind of in shock, guess that clock does go tick tock, like my pops says all the time, when the page with ur name on it comes up in ur book there's no reason or rhyme, while we're left behind, always treat people kind, cuz u don't know what they're going thru, yes u can literally walk in another person's shoes, but metaphorically speaking, let's celebrate Jeff's spirit leaving, finally at peace, with other loved ones who've deceased, hope u can find some comfort in that, nobody has the power to bring him back, now we have an angel watching over us, making him proud is another reason to follow passions and guts, I don't wanna rule the world I wanna lead it, why don't ya'll deeply feel shit, guys sympathize too, they simply aren't emotionally wooed or ruled, I'm sorry not sorry if ya'll are uncouth, or if u can't handle the truth, life is hard, u gotta be both book and street smart, cuz one will only get u so far, don't u wanna leave a long lasting legacy or an epic mark, I know I do for sure, it doesn't make me a bad guy for wanting it all or more, I'm overzealously driven, isn't being extremely stubborn as an Italian Gemini a given, basically common sense, can someone tell me where our soul went, or our collective conscious conscience, we must always fight for loved ones the fallen and forgotten, cuz soldiers are the real heroes, toeing the front line facing ground zero, visualizing war, more than half don't even know what they're fighting for, all that blood and gore, lifeless bodies galore washed ashore, it's all devastatingly stunning, innocents' cries and screams while running from blazing and roaring gunning, it's utter chaos and sheer fear, nobody's spared, even millions who weren't even there, anyone who uve ever touched cares, even those faces of names u can't remember, or the stranger u smiled at and it made their day better, u must take responsibility for urself, raising kids takes a village's help, Jeff was the Patriarch of his family, he always spoke sarcastically but candidly, I'll miss his intense presence, behind that rough exterior he was optimistically pragmatic and pleasant, always busy quietly doing stuff, even in crisis he was cool calm collected yet tough, he loved taking care of the pool, and having a huge trampoline was the crown jewel, playing home run derby capture the flag hide and go seek basketball and volleyball too, looking back lately I've been such a spoiled fool/tool, having grown up on a dead end street, gives me a ridiculously lucky history that can't be beat, with so many kids around the same age, those weren't just the good but the great ole days, what happened to them, for the next generations' sake I hope we get them again, I think Jeff would want it that way, for his friends and family I pray, respectfully cherish and mourn, try to stay strong, tho I know he's gone, he continues to live on, thru sharing our stories of him, right now I'm picturing Jeff cracking a joke and that grin, still can't believe I'm saying R.I.P., way more than just a neighbor or friend u were like a second father to me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/9/18 


Thursday, March 8, 2018

Way Gay Certified & Nerdified Rap God

Could God stop his silent treatment and just tell me what to do, why so much atrocity pain and suffering we all go thru, maybe instead of resting on the 7th day he should've spent that on compassion, if he exists when will he take some action, seems evil has conquered good, and just when u think we're out of the woods, something else bad happens, do u think the Lord's looking down on us laughing, enjoying watching us squirm, repeat history cyclically cuz we never learn, does He really expect us to pray and pay homage, I swear Earth is a prison and bodies are our soul's bondage, we're simply trapped, "footprints in the sand" implies He's got our back, we're supposed to believe in faith, how is our destiny truly made, free will or divine intervention, heaven hell purgatory or reincarnation weren't mentioned, what's after death, bright white lights angels loved ones or a deep dark quiet black nothingness, there's exponential answers aloof to humanity, why is rap all about misogyny ghetto gangster mentality and profanity, can't artists mature grow elevate evolve and get wise, stop with the gimmicky tricky lies and image/reputation compromise, be yourself, knowing ur strong suit skills and what u want helps, dreams can turn to reality, if u don't let hope tragically      become a casualty, let ur passions thrive, living isn't just being alive, take chances and risks, gotta get ur head out of the sand mind out the gutter and ur feelings out the abyss, quit it with the shameful embarrassed repression, getting a job can lift u out that depression, so ur not bored all the damn time, I don't agree with the saying it pays to be kind, actually assholes make more, like drug dealers and whores, when looking in the mirror what do u see, a reflection of someone ur proud to be, totally independent and free, unconsumed by fame and greed, or is ur smile not as genuine as it may seem, I'm too competitively stubborn to accept defeat, unfortunately failure is common, could u survive on pb&j sandwiches mac and cheese beer and ramen, take a trip down memory lane at college, what's more important street smarts or book knowledge, can we have it all, am I glutton for punishment getting up again and again after I fall, a masochist who self sabotages, I give fab massages, altho I never got licensed or certified, when did cool become gay or nerdified, I have trouble with the idea that every day is blessing, even religious extremists are messing I'm guessing, if they say their perfect, do ya'll think the elderly handicapped or poor are worth it, how bout we're all equal, do u too get annoyed by sheeple, where are the revolutionary leaders, or the sooth sayers fortune tellers and seers, can they exist, the universe took a huge shift, but in the opposite wrong direction, perhaps we're a cancerous infection, destroying everything in our path, it sucks to be a lovey dovey romantic chivalrous nice guy who always finishes last!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/8/18

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Forever Ever & Always Bubba

I know we fight an awful lot
But I give u all the light I've got
When ur lost in the dark
Follow the beating of  my bleeding heart
We're connected at the soul
Without u there's a huge hole
And I feel so incomplete
Losing u means I must accept defeat
My life ain't the same unless ur in it
Our relationship status is no one else's business
Please let's just forgive each other
Go back to when we were unconditional lovers
I need u in my life
To help deaql with the endless pain and strife
I trust u completely
Let's share the responsibility equally
Neither one of us are perfect
However we are absolutely both worth it
Maybe on day our situation will change
But I will still love u bubba forever ever and always


Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/6/18

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Even A Putz Of A Dunce Lives Once

Some months and years are better than others, apparently I talk in my sleep snore hogging all the pillows and covers, I don't like to annoyingly nag judgmentally criticized or motherly hover, I shudder at the thought of winding up poor in the gutter, I've got too much talent drive and ambition, but how do I make the transition, from average Joe Shmo to successful hip hop superstar, not interested in big houses bling bling or fancy stupid cars, but because my kinky fetishes are kept quietly clandestine, I gotta ask ya'll this one mildly deep wicked personal damn question, what makes u horny enough to get off, more than half ya'll jaws would drop ud be offended or shockingly cough, that's if u didn't simply walk away or punch my lights out, some people's natural defense mechanism is to run their mouths while others bout, personally I never thought war or violence solved any issue, I'd rather smoke a blunt instead then hug and kiss u, continue to spread Truth, Love & Consciousness, what is with all this cognitive obnoxiousness, constant hating and discriminating, embarrassment/shaming from failing needs eliminating, get off ur moral high horses faking happy all smug, why's a rapper gotta be a gangster or a trailer park uneducated thug, pushing misogyny vulgarities and drugs, I'm from middle class america a college educated masculine gay white guy and it sucks, no one gives me a chance opportunity nor respect, music fans are fickle and quickly forget, how much hard work dedication and money it takes, thinking my career was handed to me on a silver platter/gold plate, so much assumption, balls guts gall and gumption, believing what u read makes u an expert that knows me, sit back relax and let ur mind go free, follow my lyrical lead, listen to and be moved by my soul food please, I leave my heart blood sweat and tears on that stage, being caged makes us enraged, decrease in value as we age, I won't calm down counting to 10 breathing sniffing sage, when will society be paid a livable wage, we're basically robotic slaves, doing repetitive monotonous shit for countless days, I understand no one said life was fair, but I dare u to care, we're all here and have fear, no one's invincibly spared, why only appreciate me and my art after I die, do u believe in celebrities being Illuminati or double o spies, I fight for what's right, letting my love and light shine bright, helping the forgotten see thru the darkness, giving up wealth along with its financial safety and security is the hardest, u can't take it all to the grave, sometimes I find u should be brave and misbehave, break laws and rules, after all existence religious history could be a ruse, don't manifest destiny that we're screwed, even tho we've been persecuted and abuse, good will triumph over evil, stop being ignorant feeble sheeple, stand up and achieve, ur hopes wishes and dreams, it may be improbable but nothing is impossible, unyielding strength and faith is what makes heroes unstoppable, never give up, cuz u can change ur luck, just gotta risk and take a chance, enjoy every moment rejoice smile celebrate sing and dance, we only live once, so try not to regretfully sit on the sidelines u putz of a dunce!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/1/18   

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Pragmatic Realist Vs. The Evilest Elitist

When it comes to work I'm either floored, or straight up bored, no real in between, why are bosses so mean, do we really need a job at all, the rise of robots will be humanity's fall, is it just paranoid intuition, Terminator 2 will come to fruition, will technology turn against us, can one be built that actually loves, AI is fascinatingly scary, ya'll say ur listening but do u hear me, look at the warning signs, I feel like we're mourning minds, no longer taught to think, common sense seems almost extinct, business ethics has no heart, it doesn't pay to be scholastically smart, I don't find it funny, how education is more about making money, rather than preparing and training, the fair and equal distribution of wealth is waning, it's only in the hands of a few, no one person should have more than a billion dollars should be the law/rule, aren't u confused too, tired of this perpetual rude abuse, fools and tools to use, the truth is a ruse, walk a mile in my shoes, to understand how I'm screwed, being both gay and white, makes it improbable to be a successful hip hop star which ain't right, I'm willing to fight, spread positivity and light, instead of that whack rap crap shat, I have the natural ability talent and knack, for rhythm and poetry, I wonder if that acronym was created knowingly, or if it's a simple coincidence, stop persecuting minorities that are innocents, we're all born with original sin, the game of life shouldn't be conditional to win, happiness comes with fulfillment, kicking the can down the line is crippling our children, they're consumed by insurmountable debt, taxes in my opinion are legalized theft, our government's inept, my poor boyfriend hasn't slept, why doesn't anyone give a damn, about the fact that insurance is a scam, digital is killing music, online sites and apps have ruined cupid, the internet's become a dumb numb catalog of fakeness and illusion, how has this administration not been found guilty of collusion, enough is enough, if we don't change we're fucked, running out of luck, most of us are stuck, in the same place we started, perhaps God is retarded, uncompassionate without empathy, most don't contemplate the deep things like purpose nor legacy, I've been given this self motivational drive, to not just simply be alive but to thrive, constantly wearing a smile, it's hard to ignore the hateful bile, or the venom spewed, I think it's time for corporations to lose, I want socialism, Earth is a total prison, or maybe just our bodies are, imagine a world with only public transit no cars, perhaps we're too spoiled, this industrial revolutionary machine isn't well oiled, it's outdated and obsolete, don't pander to a cowards need, let's go back to the days presidents were the generals leading the battles in wars, politicians are lying cheating whores, can't we learn from history instead of repeating it cyclically, my perception's jaded cynically, from consistent failure, I can't put my hope and faith into a second coming of Jesus our savior, I don't believe in exaggerated tall tales, any and all happily-ever-after fables, cuz I'm a pragmatic realist, elitists are the evilest, I'd rather live humble and modest to be honest, watch out Trump's a very good con artist, paving the road to destruction, like a wall's gonna do something, I can't believe this is happening, this is not a joke nobody should be laughing, ya'll should be scared, crying tears of fear, the beginning of the end is near, if it's not already here.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/27/18

Friday, February 23, 2018

The Future's Balance Hangs On Change

How do I get the public's attention, is there something I'm failing to mention, give me a topic to talk about, otherwise I don't know how, I can manage to get my numbers up, I try to spread truth consciousness and love, why not have a successful gay white rapper singer songwriter, I'm also and lgbtq activist and an equality fighter, trying to be a revolutionary leader, totally original not a copycat artist gimmicky lip-syncy lyrical stealer, some people have proclaimed me a poetic genius/word nerd, a lack of sales and applause hurts worse, then just saying u simply don't like rap, but have a listen first at least cuz I don't like whack crap, I've got a real knack and actual talent, I'm a genuine gentleman/nice polite scholar that's valiant, kind courteous moral compassionate and empathetic, I hate uncompetitive rhetoric, what's the moral or message to ur song, I want my music to be timelessly classic and emotionally strong, debatable and relatable, I'm relocatable elastic and amiable, breaking boundaries down, prophetically sarcastic sassy witty and profound, uncensored unedited unfiltered and loud, a masculine homo bro not so average Joe unafraid to be brave and bout, I stand up for what's right, I try to shine my light bright, so the whole world can see, let it help guide ya'll to me, even the rejected wallflowers and the ostracized outcasts, I'm building a virtuous righteous legacy that somehow sustains and lasts, it's not about my sexuality or color of my skin, let's all treat each other like mothers fathers sisters and brothers or kin, teach the next generation, to defeat hatred and discrimination, make sure they learn history, the truth shouldn't be an unsolvable mystery, speak ur heart ur soul and ur mind, explore different destinations and cultures to see what u find, fuck social media and photographs, stop hiding behind screens and those masks, be proud of who u are, don't get consumed by money having big houses and a fancy car, there's way more to life than material possessions, let fulfillment and true happiness be ur obsessions, quit the drugs and violence, don't be complicit with ur silence, go after the dreams u believe in, if u put ur mind to it and try u can achieve em, have hope and faith, manage being extremely aggressive or too passive u over wait, health is about diet and exercise, is it better to be scholastically or street wise, why not both, our character is dependent upon how we adapt and cope, u shouldn't make decisions based on fear, imagine if I could share a real live care bear stare, shooting rays of love from my belly to defeat evil, sheeple are feeble, at some point u have to determine and decide a side, stick to ur guns and enjoy the ride, I'm not talking about ammunitioned arms, live by the golden rule and do no harm, I may be dropping bombs, heed my warnings I'm sounding the alarms, we need to awaken and change, retract our animalistic claws and fangs, having the power is overwhelming and strange, but it's time to rely on individual action cuz that's where the future's balance hangs!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/23/18

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Are We Naive Or Plain Stupid

Ya'll need professional help, if u think we're victimizing ourselves, just to throw our gay agenda in ur face, intolerant religious extremists are a fucking disgrace, it's not even a lil political, actually ur hypocritical, which conservatives say liberals are, ur whole mentality is a farce, incomprehensible and illogical, do u really think Trump is the ideal role model, America is not a business, is anyone else asking what is this, how did we get this far gone, democracy isn't something I'm ready to mourn, I still have hope and faith, that somehow someway things will change, go back to normal, instead of divisiveness we'll be polite and cordial, learn to agree to disagree, go back to being the land of the free, and not just speech, but with the opportunity to strive and reach, dreams can become a reality, as long as belief doesn't become a casualty, the only person u have to prove anything to is u, it isn't what u say but if ur brave enough to do, otherwise ull be filled with regret, always try to give ur best, that's how u measure success, don't hide behind sarcasm and jest, it's not an excuse to be lazy nor complacent, if u wait til ur old and ancient, u might not have the energy or strength, to go the distance or length, and achieve those goals, do u feel fulfilled deep within ur soul, happiness can be found, even after uve failed or fallen down, in fact it's more profound, fuck the amount in ur bank account, it isn't indicative of the true value or worth of life, there's no competition or prize for who has overcome the most pain plight and strife, we all go thru shit, whatever higher power exists seems sadistically abusive, but we must also take responsibility too, for acting a silly fool, mistakes and accidents happen, I don't thing God's looking down laughing, still I can't help but wonder why, the level of awful atrocity and tragedy can't subside, perhaps maybe humanity, is synonymous with insanity/calamity, we never seem to learn, the truth is often hard to discern, even tho history repeats, will capitalism ever meet defeat, no one person should have more than a billion dollars, what happened to revolutionary artists and scholars, our government's been corrupted, like a volcano evil has erupted, guess good finally lost, apparently was bought but at what cost, we sold our hearts, and become numb slave-like robots, hard work no longer pays, are we approaching the end of days, why don't we heed the warning, of man made problems like debt and global warming, are we that naive or plain stupid, homos haven't destroyed the sanctity of marriage or killed cupid, shouldn't we all have the natural right to love, when is enough enough, please before it's too late, we need to make our fate great, the power is within us, we just must find the courage and guts, what sort of legacy do ya'll want to leave, are we that gullibly easy to deceive, looking back on the past what do u see, do one small deed and plant a seed, nourish it and watch it grow, after all we really ought to know, as the infamous saying goes, we only reap what we sow!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/22/18

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Growing Pains As We Fall From Grace

I literally fell down the stairs, and both my folks were concerned and scared, even tho I'm only 35, there's no age u can't die, it may seem like I'm over exaggerating the circumstances, but it will be a while before this body works out stretches or dances, I laid flat on my back, hours on a heating pad, thank god for Aleve, making it possible for me to get a good night sleep, what sucks is I was just getting over the flu, seems no matter what I do I'm screwed, this was such a stupid incident, it was really silly and innocent, was simply going to get myself a drink, it's not like I was on an ice rink, perhaps socks on carpet weren't a good idea, now I'm consumed by paranoia and fear, every time now, I wonder how, I could've been so foolish, ignorant and toolish, believing I was invincible, do u ever wish u were invisible, totally immune to damages, never needing bandages, cuz u can't be scraped or scarred, this administration needs to be impeached and disbarred, so much corruption, the balls and gumption, is actually quite astonishingly shocking, SNL is having a field day knocking and mocking, it's a comedian's wet dream, what would be ur ultimate best team, Olivia vs. Annalise, who's the bigger beast, both are brilliant powerful women, maybe they can fix what men didn't, like society and fairness, when did government become fiscally careless, not to mention our elections, our democracy used to have check and balance protections, but they're being slowly eroded, seems like rational progressive common sensed thinking people have folded, America's thrown out all logic and reason, we may never know if there's real collusion or treason, seems the dark ages are cyclically circling around again, there's division even among family and friends, we're officially a mess, everyone's overworked frustrated and stressed, nobody can get ahead, baby boomers are more valuable dead, and poor gen x, won't have much more success, while the millennials will be stuck in outrageous debt, what if the expression was u give what u get, instead of the reverse, maybe humanity is cursed, I know we're born with original sin, but when does the 99% get a chance to win, we've been shitted on, outwitted and conned, trying to do what's right, what if all minorities were to unite and fight, perhaps then good would reconquer evil, the world is over populated with too many sheeple, where are all the revolutionary leaders, inspirational/motivational speakers, like MLK Tupac or Harvey Milk, progress isn't smooth like butter or silk, it's bumpy and bloody, the future is neither funny or sunny, maybe these are just growing pains, as we fall from grace, while we become robotic slaves, I think things will get much much worse before we collectively awake and change!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/21/18 

Monday, February 12, 2018

Wrestling WIth Reflection

When it comes to true love is forgiveness limitless, I can see our future happily-ever-after lives together forever with such wicked vividness, whenever I'm with him, I feel we can simply rebegin, start all over again, maybe this time slow things down and first be best friends, minus the financial responsibility, perhaps then there won't be constant instability, bickering and stupid fights, it could be we simply aren't compatibly right, like we initially thought, certain kinks and fetishes can't be taught, sometimes not even understood, I wish I could have sex like a normal person should, and not have all these rap superstar dreams, I've taken the time to find out my wants and needs, lived life, gone thru heartache pain and strife, made many many mistakes, failed and caught breaks, I'm both book and street smart, got tons of empathy soul and a big heart, but nice guys finish last, why am I so haunted by my past, it doesn't matter now, I keep asking myself who what when where and how, I'm shrouded by a dark cloud, why does it seem I'm not allowed, like success is impervious to me, if the best things in life are free, I only got the worst, he's gone for 2 weeks and it hurts, guess I was wrong, didn't know what I had til it was gone, altho he'll be back, what about the trust we lack, for a month we've been apart, going back and forth over what was the start, blaming one another, sinking to new lows deep in the gutter, hitting below the waist, reacting out of anger in haste, saying horrible things we didn't mean, perhaps we're missing the relationship gene, or maybe we're cursed, have u too been fucked over by the universe, that karma is a bitch, sometimes people need to find their groove or niche, the purpose or reason they exist, sooner or later we all need to stop resorting to tricks and gimmicks, there are no short cuts to success, I think everybody is secretly a mess, some just know how to fake it well, say shit's swell, hiding behind a wide smile, wish destiny and fate were unbridled, but they aren't, I'm the pacifist type showing up to war unarmed, at least without guns knives or bombs, it's amazing how a person's energy soothes and calms, almost like magic, yes loss is tragic, but much is learned, I'm impatient for my turn, my 15 minutes, we just started how can we already be finished, let's give u and I, one last try, I'm not gonna lie, I've gotten many sighs and rolled eyes, but it's ok tho, that's the way it goes, we can agree to disagree, please no I told u sos or pity, let's act like adults, was ur gay marriage peacefully divorced or annulled, that's what we get, hetero-normatively hexed, perhaps it's just not meant to be, all we can do is wait and see, oh the mystery of history's reflection, it's like watching Lucifer and Jesus wrestling, the never ending battle between good and evil, sorry not sorry but neither of us care about the opinions of other people, nor their judgments, why make drama where there wasn't, social media definitely doesn't help, we needed to take time to focus on bettering ourselves!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/12/18

Friday, February 2, 2018

Art Inspired By My Proverbial Teardrop/Needle

I have many parts to my heart, some belong to just me while others I share thru art, but that's only one lil piece, a teardrop lost in a sea, don't take shit out of context, sometimes I miss the mark and don't jest my best, my sarcasticness comes off all wrong, everything in life inspires poems and songs, but I need to learn when to use my mouth, better pick my bouts, gotta shut up, cuz my gut simply doesn't give 2 fucks, what other people think, this violet doesn't shrivel or shrink, sorry not sorry ur life stinks, I'm jealous of those who can wink, and have a nice head of hair, let's play strip truth or dare, get to really know each other, we can be best friends and lovers, tell our deepest darkest fantasies secrets and crazy dreams, I wanna find my other half to complete our team, existence is much more difficult alone, I grew up in an amazing home, both parents a sister and a huge extended family, why do ya'll act manipulative and underhandedly, even if u get what u want u didn't earn it, haven't u figured it out yet there's no such thing as balanced or perfect, it's a motivational illusion like religion, I feel like Earth is a complex prison system, trapped like our conscious soul is to our body, what happened to the good old fashioned keg party, the internet's made everyone antisocial, I can't help it I'm overemotional, super deep analytical and a lil prophetically profound, I'm relatable, ready willing able and capable, to become an epic classic legendary fairy-tail/fable, it takes work to stay mentally stable and financially sustainable, existence isn't cheap, when u sow u reap, that's why hindsight's a bitch, do u ever have an impossible to scratch itch, where u just can't reach, some things u can't teach and shouldn't preach, certain experiences need to be had, to truly understand a lesson or reason why good or bad, we may have free will but not total control, what's worse drinking and smoking cigs versus a blunt bong rips or a few bowls, marijuana isn't evil sheeple, will u prove urselves to be weak gullible and feeble, the US is a haystack Kevin was a needle, maybe time passing will help to heal, they do say to let love go and see if it comes back, perhaps we've had too tumultuous of a past, I thought our relationship together would forever last, but situations and paths change fast, before we know it we're headed in completely different directions, u can't save me by overprotecting, even tho I'm sad and hope it isn't over, finally breaking apart peacefully is a relief/weight off my shoulders!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/2/18

Thursday, February 1, 2018

There's No Hope Time To Let Him Go

Said what I needed to say, but I still don't wanna just push u away, chalk it up to bad timing, I gotta concentrate on paying bills and rhyming, everything else comes second, I came running every time u called or beckoned, but it was never enough, u always questioned the extent of my love, ur past relationships ruined ur ability to trust, I think at first we were consumed by lust, but our roles weren't compatible, our bickering was laughable, but I never questioned our future together, I thought we made each other better, however things went south when u lost ur job, then it seems something else bad happened and the curve balls didn't stop, next was ur failing health, I didn't have the wealth, to support u for months on end, plus u wouldn't change or bend, it was up to me, now I'm set free, yet I don't wanna be, I just want u to deal with ur problems and find peace, while I try to face failure and defeat, I beat myself up every minute of every day, I wait and pray, for some sort of miracle to occur, cuz I'm captivated by ur allure, ur the man of my fantasies and dreams, but things aren't always what they seem, who u are around others, isn't who u are alone with just ur lover, ur mostly tired and in pain, will this hurt ever wane, I'm heartbroken and furious, I tend to go overboard with wordiness, but I'm trying to get my point across, ur my partner not my savior or boss, I often felt neglected stifled and controlled, I've lost a huge chunk of my heart and soul, afraid of becoming old and alone, never finding my own happy home, without u I feel incomplete, miss laying at his feet, cuddling watching tv mostly Charmed, I wouldn't wish destruction or intentionally harmed, I feel awful about the way I handled things, so much sorrow dismantling brings, I can't make it thru a day without crying, I know we're all dying, but losing him is suffocatingly crushing, I definitely won't be diving in or rushing, it's gonna take a very long long time to heal, these past few weeks I've awoken hoping it all wasn't real, I don't know what's next, I feel extremely cursed and hexed, way way less than my best, like I failed life's test, I guess this is what I deserved and earned, altho there are many lessons about myself I've learned, I can't make sense of a good reason or meaning, why are we leaving if it's causing grieving, I don't wanna let him go, but I've simply run out of patience faith and hope!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/1/18

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Love & Care For Each Other But Not Friends Or Lovers

Back to insults and threats, he deserves everything he gets, and I don't feel bad at all, I was there for countless falls, but it was never enough, guess financial support isn't an expression of love, or driving u around for free, what was the last nice thing uve said or done for me, I'm sick of having to defend myself, u need professional help, u have no idea what the word partner means, belittling my fantasies ambition passion and dreams, is straight up selfish, the last 9 months were hellish, u have no idea what I've sacrificed and compromised, I'm tired of ur false accusations of cheating and lies, broken promises happen, but not following thru is ur talent, as well as manipulating the situation and misrecollecting true events, u see when making good arguments there's this thing called evidence, and it's based on actual facts, we're supposed to have each other's backs, but u can't save me from life, nor atrocity pain plight or strife, no one learns from other people's lessons, instead of complaining so much count ur blessings, I've been more than patient and kind, all this silent quiet waiting is driving me out of my mind, u don't deal with problems by walking away, or sweeping them up under the rug I'm afraid, u gotta want to be the change, maybe the hostility and resentment fades or wanes, perhaps time can heal and mend, we're always misunderstanding what the other meant, that's why texting isn't effective, a marriage is like a college sex isn't just a simple elective, it's a necessity/need, to earn and receive a degree, neither of us can afford our own place, we're letting what was once love turn to hate, but I'm done being taken for granted and neglected, I wanna feel wanted liked lusted safe and protected, stop with the judgments and shame, playing my heart like a game, I believed we were connected by our souls, seems we're both haunted by our pasts' ghosts, neither of us can let go, accept we have no control, and move on peacefully, I feel like I lost of piece of me, perhaps it's cuz he was my first, I think that's what makes the hurt worse, I still wish him well and good luck, but we can't be together with no trust, we can still love and care for each other, guess we unfortunately can't be best friends tho or monogamous lovers!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/31/18

Monday, January 29, 2018

Sorry Haters But Failure's Not In My Nature

I know sometimes I provide tmi, like I still get occasionally high, nothing's off limits, I'm not a disingenuous gimmick, I've got real talent, I'm mostly humble modest and valiant, an old school gentleman, I'm not afraid of my scars or skeletons, mine may be freaky but hot as hell, don't believe the gossip or rumors haters tell, but I really don't mind, I've got nothing to hide, a lil embarrassment and humiliation never hurt anyone, as long as it was all in good fun, there's a fine line, always treat everyone kind, cuz u don't know what they're going thru, yes u can walk a mile in someone else's shoes, but not their skin, how did we let evil win, guess they only had to once, hopefully we can survive the Drumpf, he gave our democracy a lobotomy, victims of misogyny sodomy, we need to be cleaned out colonically, what happened to rational common sense that's also logical, this isn't comical, it's treasonous and methodical, well thought out, a revolutionary bout is not allowed, we need their permission to protest picket and rally, I think I was happier and more fulfilled living in Cali, esp in San Diego, I felt en fuego, but in San Fran, I explored the gay college like magnetic mecca that made me into who I truly am, I'm not a fake facade/scam, I'm thankful to the fans, my music's more moving emotionally thought provoking than dance, take a chance, and have a listen, break that brain out of it's prison, be conscious, get rid of the obnoxious ignorant and toxic, let love's light shine bright, fight with ur whole soul's might, to do what u know in ur heart is right, don't be jaded by the awful atrocity and plight, humans have free will but very lil control, keep striving reaching and believing in achieving wishes dreams and goals, can't be perfect but should do our best, life isn't like the board game but it is a metaphorical test, there may be no prize, just a pointless exercise, to see ur level of patience and skills, existence is an expensive adventurous journey of risk taking leaps of faith and cheap thrills, cuz the best things and life are free, so fuck money and greed, don't judge me for smoking a lil weed, I'll do as I see fit and please, I'm not harming anyone, I don't even know how to buy knives sighs swords bombs or guns, it's not in my nature, I refuse to be abused regretful depressed or defeated by failure, people are fallible creatures, so caught up in materialistic possessions and superficial features, we need to search existentially deep inside, in order to identify rectify heal mend move on elevate and rise, we're defined by how we adapt to change, praying appears ineffective and strange, cuz unfortunately most of the problems we face are consequences man made, and perhaps maybe this time around we won't be saved!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/29/18

Friday, January 26, 2018

How Do We Blend Again

I'm resentful neglected and heartbroken, it doesn't excuse the awful angry hurtful words I've spoken, but it explains why my anxiety has been thru the roof, neither of us are prepared or sustainable enough to move, us living apart, makes this relationship hard, we both live with our folks, wish ur health issues were a misdiagnosed hoax, maybe then ud feel better, and we would enjoy more of our time together, I miss the old Kevin, who seemed to be my soulmate sent from heaven, being unemployed so long has pushed u down into a deep dark depression, and it's impossible to see life's blessings I'm guessing, don't live like ur dying, I'm sick and tired of bitching complaining and crying, I will not be defeated, whatever obstacle arises we'll beat it, I got ur back but u gotta have mine, if something's bothering u don't just reply ur fine, say shit, cuz I hate it, when ur in silent quiet mode, the pent up aggression and repression grows, til u eventually explode, and the venom flows, like acid, stop acting ratchet, reverting to insults and name calling, manipulating using fear and shame's appalling, how bout the truth, figure out what it is u want and to do, so I don't replay the fool, I'm not a tool, for u to step on punch or use, please no more verbal spiritual emotional or physical abuse, we need to learn to communicate with each other, act like mature lovers, we're two individuals trying to blend, we all fuck up and make mistakes every now and again, humans are fallibly imperfect, I often wonder if marriage is worth it, to me it seems like a business arrangement, but then I hear about another engagement, and I think to myself, having a partner would help, two incomes are better than one, they're always there to share in the fun, a solid support system, someone who cares and listens, has drive motivation and vision, monogamy shouldn't feel like prison, it should elevate and lift us both up, there's no greater gift then love, and money can't buy it, are those butterflies in my stomach or a riot, perhaps he's my addiction, but what's with all the bickering fighting and friction, let's play nice, twice or even thrice in one night, altho u like sex more in the morning, I should come with a warning, I need my sleep and coffee, sorry not sorry I'm using the sleepsack I bought me, don't care if it brings back bad memories, why are my past hookups automatically ur enemies, can't u show a modicum of respect, I'm not saying to be politically correct, please let's just be civil, sometimes I take sarcasm personal or too literal, I know u like to joke, hope it's as much tho as u love reading the poems I wrote!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/26/18

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Kink Medication/Fetish Meditation

Am I bipolar or just ur average Gemini, it would certainly explain to them why, I go from hot to cold in an instant, when I'm having mental health issues I'm introverted and distant, I'm in my own world, overthinking and analyzing everything I've gone thru and hurdled, to try and inspire myself, sometimes we all need help, to reduce stress, gotta figure out what works for u best, for some it's blazing drinking psych meds or smoking cigs, others use exercise meditation kink or counseling to manage the way they live, it's easy to get overwhelmed and breakdown, especially surrounded by ignorant spoiled flaky fake clowns, people pretending they're happy, manipulating using illusion's crappy, just be straightforward and genuine, what happened to chivalrous gentlemen, they're few and far between, but a gay boy can dream, being swept off my feet by homo prince charming, who's maybe a domesticated handy crafty talented caretaker that likes cooking naked with a harness on and organic farming, recycling doubled up socks for days, loves to play with rope sleepsacks and/or duct tape, pretty masculine rugged sweaty and stinky, knows how to control me when I'm insatiably piggy and finicky, ever been so horny as hell, been tied up inescapably in a cell, so u can't touch ur rock hard cock, but the precum and throbbing won't stop, ur squirming like crazy, ur brains all clouded foggy and hazy, and ur ready to orgasmically explode, give a second third fourth fifth sixth and seventh loads a go, milk me dry like a human cow, add a gag if I start to get too loud, drive me wild using my connected sensitive nips, not into hardcore pain tho like clamps or whips, I love erotic tickling and overstimulating sensual touch, in any bdsm session the subs need and abundance of trust, safety first, where to put the burst squirts, too much pleasure actually hurts worse, can be hot to cut or tear off underwear and shirts, just as long as everyone's comfy and has fun, shouldn't ever be shamed or shunned, cuz u know what ur into and like, that ain't right, to each their own, as long as all parties consent and are legally grown, I get that certain fetishes are more taboo, shit happens tho and there's often snafus, but what's important to remember, every student had a mentor, scenes get better thru study and practice, how else do u think I got so good at this?

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/25/18   

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

True Love's Metaphorical Cliff

Our timing is simply bad, we can't seem to recapture what we had, perhaps we're not as compatible as we thought, I'm resentful of all that I've done and bought, my mental health isn't good, we're miscommunicating so neither of us are understood, I don't wanna constantly bicker and fight, every day I'm worried and concerned if ur alright, it's all a bit too much, u lack faith in me and trust, u think I spew insults and lies, yet u never compliment only criticize, we've both made mistakes, maybe we need to take a break, forgive each other's pasts, focus on personal responsibility and facts, not jealous false assumption, reserve the nerve guts balls or gumption, to judge chastise or shame me, we aren't George W and Cheney, I ain't no fucking puppet ur holding the strings to, what fulfillment or happiness does silence or space bring u, all u do is walk away, ur always tired grumpy and in pain, we're both afraid ull meet an early grave, I don't know what to do or say, give me some clue on how to cope, should we elope, what if we can't change and grow together, perhaps there isn't a possibility of forever, like time or the horizon line they're mind and eye/optical illusions, relationships are hard work and confusing, we are definitely soulmates, what difference distance's toll takes, plus we both live at our parent's homes, one thing in common tho is no combs, since we're both bald, I'm still reeling from feeling emotionally mauled, his folks are anti-gay, so the only free safe space is my place, this breakup is ruthless, over something insignificant and stupid, but was built on pent up neglect left unsaid, our 8 months weren't a waste or looked upon as a regret, we gave it our all and best, but individually we're both a mess, maybe a moment apart, will allow healing to happen within our hearts, so we can forgive one another and begin again, create a fundamental foundation as unconditional friends, with lots of love at the core, partnerships shouldn't be a dreaded chore, I do enjoy being down on all fours, to please and satisfy u more, but like BB says "the thrill is gone", I can't stand being wrong, pursuing music or a social life, it's not a competition of who goes thru the most strife, the journey is a seesaw signifying hills valleys and peaks, I miss how ur pits farts socks sneaks and feet reek making me weak, from sheer masculinity mixed with alpha dom top pheromones, my pleasure can easily be measured from moans, sorry not sorry I flag right tho gray babe, it's a meditational stress relief need that I long for and crave, we can be monogamous and kinky, I'd love to be ur lil bro sub pup piggy, but only in the boudoir, I'm super proud of who u are, I wish u could say the same, u falsely assume I'm a lying sex crazy spoiled selfish prostituting cheater arrogantly after only fortune and fame, ignoring the fact that I've compromised and sacrificed all of me already, congratulations on manifest destinying our downfall to demise cuz now we're truly "unsteady", I'm extremely depleted and got nothing left to give, we were each other's motivating reason meaning and inspirational gift, to keep believing seeping in and dreaming reaping the benefits of our teaming seeming to help uplift us and better live, I wonder if he'd hold my hand to take the jump or leap off of true love's metaphorical cliff?! 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/24/18

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Are U A Gardener Or A Flower?

Really don't know where we stand, breaking up for mental health reasons wasn't planned, I just lost my patience, was much too irritable and anxious, to let some stupid little thing go, I hope in the end he grows and wins tho, he's had a terrible streak of bad luck, wish I didn't destroy his level of trust, sharing ur heart and soul takes guts, communication after all is a must, still wondering why we didn't work, I know I was a hot headed crazy jerk, but I reached my breaking point the proverbial straw, I know what I want while u seem to be very unsure, think maybe u like the illusion, kinks fetishes and sexual preferences aren't up for choosing, it is what it is, I simply can't handle this, benched and ghosted from ur life, the tension could be cut with a knife, too much unspoken resentment, we need to focus on the present, forget the future and past, my love for him will forever ever and always last, my erection can't be masked, perhaps I overzealously nagged, instead of compassionately and supportively listening, there's a huge chunk of me that's missing, I wanna rewind time, neglect can be a crime, especially if it's the cause of death, I have no hope or faith left, I believe I'll be old and alone, without a family or home of our own, unfulfilled with no music success, a wasted existence if I must confess, I tried my best, but karma's a bitch and the universe is a pest, extremely spiteful and sadistic, God isn't a magical wizard or mystic, it's an idea used to mind control, can u see the signs unfold, pointing to the end, maybe once ur lovers u can't be friends, don't wanna go backwards again, and I shouldn't play pretend, something isn't right, we continuously bicker and fight, I don't think I even make u happy, u sarcastically criticize rag and laugh at me, arguing I'm spoiled sheltered and wrong, I write amazing poetry and songs, expressing how I feel, I'm like an onion to peel, potent and layered, electro isn't as harsh as being tasered, fuck painful punishment give me excessive pleasure, I'll be ur  helpless tethered treasure, so u experience true power, are u a gardener or a flower, cuz it's important to know ur role, staying stuck in an unsuitable undesirable one takes a toll, it builds up pressure and adds stress, til u explode or burst from getting too upset, quiet silence distance and space, doesn't heal or erase the angst, it sits and stews, drains u like the news, it's considered abuse, lose the ruse, my world's been turned upside down, the loss of the love of my life is rather quite profound!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/23/18     

Monday, January 22, 2018

Remember Never Say Never Ever

Moving on isn't a piece of cake, I refuse to let our love turn to hate, but we can't get past our resentment and anger, how can we go from best friends to strangers, I miss him so much, his energy and touch, he had such a presence, I wanted reciprocity not equality or vengeance, I needed him to step up, was intimately neglected  not getting enough, plus his attitude was rude, never understood the magnitude of abuse, whether intentional or not, I gave what I got, which was sarcasm and sass, I thought we'd forever ever and always last, guess I was wrong, don't wanna put it in another song, and be reminded of the pain constantly, why did u criticize and complain obnoxiously, like u couldn't focus on urself, ur not less of a man admitting u need help, communication is key, why would u never make a decision or take the lead, I thought u were the alpha dom top, but u weren't into bondage a lot, altho ur feet were perfect, for me vanilla sex isn't fulfilling or worth it, I thought I made myself clear, we apparently weren't a complimenting opposite pair, it seems we were a lil off, u preferred texting over talk, I was making all the effort, hoping we can retether what's been severed, but that involves forgiveness, the ability to diminish the vicious maliciousness, and take responsibility for our respective parts, I though we were connected by souls and hearts, my mind is a mess, life's too intense of a test, I just can't handle being overwhelmed right now, sorry not sorry I need to be milked like a cow, oink oink baby I'm a pig, can u keep ur cool at a gig, or will u go ape shit on some poor unsuspecting fan, I swear God chuckles when we plan, a powerless man, control is a sham, life is but an illusion, mixed messages are confusing, the ball was in ur court, I despise the endless back and forth, we're running out of time, if I'm urs and ur mine, then we shouldn't publicize single, I'd prefer to not have to get back out there date and mingle, but I can't keep going down this one way street, the future looks bleak, and I'm more lost than ever, altho we've both posted it's over for good...never say never!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/22/18

Friday, January 19, 2018

What Happens To Lost Love

The song "A Lil While Longer" brings back sad memories, are we what's now considered as "frenemies", strange what happens to lost love, I'm not used to losing or giving up, but I must forgive myself get help move on and forward with my life, nothing lasts forever I guess, it's hard to understand why cutting each other completely out is best, does it all just get consumed by revenge and hate, I still say he's great, I mean we all have flaws, both still having attached umbilical chords, since we're stuck at home living with our parents, his situation is toxic and it's quite apparent, but there's only so much a partner can do, how anyone could choose abuse, but we each have reached breaking point, I'm resentful frustrated vengeful and annoyed, as individuals we we're a mess, I never intended to ever hurt him or make him feel less, I was such an ass, showed no tact or class, spewed poisonous venom, I felt butterflies when I met him, somehow tho I lost the lust, I simply gave too much, it was completely my fault, yeah u were grumpy but didn't deserve my assault, maybe some time apart, will help us heal our hearts, believe me I still worry and care, if u need me I'll be here, trust like luck is hard to recapture, I'll try to remember the good times the love and the laughter, cuz u made me a better man, I hope u know I'm ur biggest fan, and if somewhere down the line circumstances change, we've let go of the past heartache and pains, we can start over again, maybe go slower and work first on being best friends, but unfortunately that's a dream and I need to focus on the present, altho I'm hesitant cuz it's defeating and unpleasant, I must face each day brave and confident on my own, u can be lonely but never alone, we reside in hearts souls and minds, besides u always said ull be fine, overconfidence doesn't mask insecurity completely, wish u would've listened more and believed me, u were my world, I was loyal and faithful thru every obstacle or hurdle, tried to give support, lent what I could afford, but at great compromise and sacrifice, I gave u the power to control and map my life, I'm taking back the reigns tho, nothing and nobody makes or breaks Joe, multifaceted leveled deep and layered, so fuck jealous envious control freaks and failed haters, watch me squirm and bleed, rise above escape to be free and succeed, fulfill all my hopes wishes and dreams, cuz it's my fate/destiny!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/16/18   

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Don't Blame Or Hate Him

I have no happy place, even my reflection is disgraced, I'm a horrible person, inflicted pain suffering and hurting, all cuz I wanted sex, I couldn't shake the feeling of neglect, but that's no excuse, for the awful verbal abuse, he is a good man, I just couldn't rationally express myself so he would understand, I was overwhelmed, I needed help, I couldn't afford to give too much, somewhere along the way he lost his lust, I never cheated, tho he didn't believe it, once his trust was gone, it wasn't long, before everything fell apart, now all I have are memories and a broken heart, it wasn't his fault he was unemployed and sick, we both at times were stubborn sarcastic pricks, I really fucked up, perhaps I'm not worthy of love, maybe he's right, I don't know how to fight, he was always a source of light, missed him especially at night, now I'm alone, can't picture our future family together in our own home, I ruined the dream, only half of a team, ostracized and excluded, I'm mentally ill and deluded, crying my eyes out, realizing my lies materialized bouts, I don't know what I was so afraid of, dug my grave up, thought I gave enough, I never had it rough or tough, I was spoiled that way, my parents never cared I was gay, they respected my privacy, worried quietly, but intervened when necessary, I've lost the will to live become numb and sedentary, I used to thrive on being social, musically and poetically vocal, now I'm terrified to share, disillusioned people really care, faking tolerance and empathy, my epic fail is legendary, messed up the best thing I ever had, wish I could go back, rewind time and fix shit, he is completely done with me and livid, all I wanna do is run away and hide, curl up in a ball and die, I was so selfish, but this universe is hellish, karma's a bitch, my brain has a switch glitch, guess I am bipolar and mentally ill, without love life seems so unfulfilled, I can't forget the awful things I did and said, I fantasized living together for a year before we wed, but I couldn't patiently wait to get that far, so my heart is hard and scarred, my soul has lost its mate, I don't wanna mingle single nor date, I'm over trying to force shit and make it work, don't blame him hate me cuz I was the jerk!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/17/18

Been Given Up On By Love

The only thing harder to walk away is to stay, talk about a giant leap of faith, hoping for him to change, is it time to turn the page, with him it was one problem after another, we were monogamous lovers, but he lacked trust, didn't give me enough, just would take and take, til my patience frayed and breaks, his situation got worse and worse, perhaps we're star crossed soulmates cursed, he couldn't take care of himself, there was nothing more I could do to help, he has to do the rest on his own, it sucks being alone, my future of having a family and home are gone, where did we go wrong, I felt taken for granted and neglected, possessively stifled and jealously overprotected, cuz of his bad past, couldn't take his excessive criticism and constant sarcastic sass, he was my favorite pain in the ass, it made my day to make him smile and laugh, I was the one who fucked up, guess I had enough, the littlest thing happened and I snapped, said and did many hurtful things I can't take back, so now I'm consumed with regret, he's very understandably upset, but silence isn't the answer, it causes relationship cancer, my mind goes crazy insane, replay everything over and over in my brain, to the point of an anxiety induced breakdown, is it simply too late now, I don't wanna be single, having to date and mingle, I'm at a loss for words, my heart hurts, my tear ducts dried, too many tears cried, the day I left him stranded the music died, I don't even wanna be alive, I'm so lost and confused, feel like a failure used, how do I go on without him tho, I don't even seem like the old Joe, a lil light in me has dimmed, forgive me father for I have sinned, I let anger take ahold, lost all rational control, and went plain crazy, he wasn't lazy, he was depressed and in pain, I couldn't sleep cuz of the heavy wind an rain, should've given him the space he needed, his warnings I should've heeded, but of course I didn't listen, now I'm wishing I didn't put us in this hellish position/prison, where it's cold and dark, I miss his spark, he always made me feel safe, pushed me to be brave, so now I'm insecure and scared, worried no one cares or will be there, and quite frankly I don't blame them, I don't have the strength to start all over again, just my luck, think I've been given up on by love!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/17/18   

Friday, January 12, 2018

Had It With The Ignorant Unempatheitc Non-Compassionate Racket

Please let's not pretend, Trump's slogan should be "make America white again", trying hard not to get discouraged, but my soul is being undernourished, life isn't fair, and I know nobody cares, cuz we're all egocentric and selfish, this RI bubble is hellish, stuck in the same rut practically my whole existence, no matter the amount of consistent persistence, I wind up right back where I started, my dreams destroyed crushed and thwarted, turning me cold-hearted, apparently I'm outsmarted, by the universe, and it hurts, do any of u ever just wanna give up, cuz sometimes love just ain't enough, nor is having a job, when will the financial obligations stop, it's not like my generation will ever get to retire, the age of social security gets pushed higher and higher, by the time it's my turn there'll be nothing left, of course I'm upset, I've been duped and used, psychologically lied to and abused, taken for granted, I can't understand it, how the rich can sleep at night, the working poor need to rise revolutionize and fight, I've fucking had it, tired of this ignorant unempathetic non-compassionate racket, I'm not a person but a slave, totally ostracized and depraved, victim of a system that's stolen and raped, thru the legal means of taxes, the shit that comes out of politician's mouths/asses, is worse than diarrhea from laxatives, and that blatant crap's fed to the masses, while we're told to be pc smile politely and use a fork and knife, suck up the pain plight and strife, I'm not special, u want a cookie some cheese with that wine or a gold medal, since u suffer the most, ur just trash gutter and gross, completely worthless and disgusting, ya'll really think the Donald is someone genuinely to trust in, he represents our once great nation, spewing sexism racism hatred and other form of discrimination, but the deplorables are such gullible fools, they're duped into being useful tools, lacking common sense or a basic education, we should be defined by more than the superficial or reputation, as well as a stupid bank account amount, we warrant existential change that's profound, before it gets too late, is a repetition of dooms day our fate, I thought good triumphing over evil was karmic destiny, who's more legendary, God Jesus or the Devil, now is not the time to joyously revel, we better wake up and pay attention, before the three days of darkness's inception, where our only protection is the grace of faith, why do so many procrastinate and wait, expecting someone else, to come along and save us or help, man made pollution is causing the ice caps to melt, but I guess we don't care about mother nature's health, she's dispensable, what we as a society are doing is repulsively reprehensible!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/12/18

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Fuck Dreams Barely Making Ends Meat

Today's going by slow, thinking how the future will unfold, economically politically and personally, when discussing music I act paternally, each project is my baby, listening to and writing songs saved me, there for both the good and the bad, I know a lot of people are disgusted and given up on rap, my hip hop tho, is infused with lyrically deep R&B and soul, I try to diversify my sound, my messages are thought provoking existentially insightful and profound, hoping one day they become classics, how I come up with ideas is sheer magic, almost miraculous, the exhilaration is amazingly fabulous, like a high or a rush, once u have it u can never have enough, u want more, pretty hardcore, dare I say even addictive, can't understand unless uve experienced or lived it, it gives my existence meaning and purpose, I often feel like a failure totally worthless, unable to fulfill my dreams, selling out stadiums and winning Grammys, guess only time will tell, perhaps this is hell, having to slave away at an 8:30 to 4, often underwhelmed and bored, wasting my talents and skills, barely making ends meat to pay my monthly bills, I get no insurance or other benefits, treated like those deplorable degenerates, graduated college double majoring with a bachelors degree, yet unfortunately it seems I'll never be debt free, stuck in a red rut, my credit got fucked, cuz the IRS screwed up, and I have absolutely no luck, just another naive shmuck, wishing to win big bucks, since working hard gets me nowhere, never been jealous except for growing hair, now it appears I've been left behind by my peers, so I cry tears, consumed by my fears, dreading my tombstone saying Joe Doe lies here, a washed up nobody, unrefined vocally, told I shouldn't sing, despite the joy it brings, I'm not looking for approval, guess a career in entertainment isn't practical or doable, so I'm left pondering the point, should I smoke a joint, for at least some momentary pleasure, how is a person's value measured, by their bank account amounts, what if it's from an inheritance or a rich kid's allowance, it sucks the rest of us are hustling, yet still struggling and suffering, it just ain't right, why does survival have to be such a fight, I'm trying with all my energy and might, to stay on the positive side focusing on love and light, but it is extremely hard, all this pain plight and strife keeps shattering my optimism and heart!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/11/18 

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Need Help To Balance My Talent & Marketing Myself

I try to write like I should pray, at least once a day, but I can run out of things to say I'm afraid, nobody knows the true cost I've paid, hoping my dreams will be accomplished, ya'll would be amazed/astonished, the amount of compromise and sacrifice I've made, instead of getting fucked up drunk or laid, I did the responsible thing, those who hold themselves accountable never win, good deeds don't go unpunished, how many more years will go by I'm unpublished, it's not only frustrating but defeating, why would I keep having faith and believing, I come across entitled and ignorantly naive, being conceded and cocky is people's biggest pet peeve, so when it comes to marketing myself, I'm in desperate need of help, apparently everybody lies, to promote and advertise, u gotta sound and appear enticing, fans are fickle with their following and liking, despite having talent, it's hard to strike balance, unfortunately no one is perfect, but every artist has to know they're worth it, passions must be fulfilled, take risks and seek thrills, drive and energy needs to go somewhere, refuse to be ruled by resistance or dumb fear, altho failure's drowning, stage fright can be overwhelmingly harrowing, 2 things to never give up, are happiness and love, tho daunting at times, it's unacceptable taking regrettable haunting bribes, they come back to bite u in the ass, easy street can't lead to high class, don't allow ur soul to be bought, it's not a genuine apology saying sorry cuz u got caught, look at all the obstacles we've fought, who cares if I'm gay white bald fat or short, it has no impact on if I can rap, what's with all the prejudiced hateful attacks, like discrimination is cyclical, why are we all so bitter stressed and cynical, perhaps we work too much, poor robotic slave-like shmucks, completely money hungry it isn't funny, expect a fake disposition of delightfully sunny, but I can no longer pretend, my patience has reached its extent, I'm about to burst bust and explode, life isn't fair I've been repeatedly told, yet what about equality or justice, how do u live off the grid Amishly rustic, that's so outdated, it's practically archaic, welcome to the 21st century, will success be a part of my fate/destiny, or is my persistence pointless, enough of this dead ended annoyingness, my path forward or upward is perpetually blocked, window's the only option when all doors are locked, an illusion of choice, been using my deep voice, to say something of value with meaning, my existence has to have a reason, doesn't it, I should be running shit, at least in the hip hop game, these ghetto gangsters are mumbling and lame, it's a troubling shame, can u find humbling in fame, popularity is misleading, society is in need of more listening and reading, instead of ignoring and watching, after all comprehension and understanding are very important!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/10/18   

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

A Topsy Turvy Journey Thru The Rubble & Bubble Trouble

Now all I want is revenge, keep wondering where the time went, seems pretty wasted, did u enjoy my blood u tasted, won't be satisfied til everyone's believing, we're close to being even, unfortunately that'll never happen, unless I take uncharacteristic action, I don't like evil people, at least be real, u shady lady, basically u used and raped me, metaphorically speaking of course, I want an occupational divorce, still stuck on the bottom rung of this socioeconomic ladder, like honestly I don't really matter, I'm just a temporary slave, desperate and depraved, self made too, a big brave fool, easily manipulated and super gullible, my financial future is severely in trouble, my bank account's been reduced to rubble, the Rhode Island mentality is trapped in a bubble, totally short sighted lacking empathy, is this my fate/destiny, I try to hold onto the hope of a brighter tomorrow morning, but faith should come with a warning, u just can't have it blindly, why don't the rich treat strangers kindly, I refuse to let the laws of man confine me, the road of life is hilly and windy, a long journey to learn me, at moments I'm all topsy turvy, often discombobulated chaotic and disjointed, I find the universe to be frustrating irritating and annoying, karma doesn't make any sense, I'm so stressed out and tense, that I'm misdirecting my anger, an independent party president would be a game changer, that's why I was for Bernie, our government's foundation is no longer stable nor sturdy, the checks and balances are gone, Trump is simply all wrong, bye bye Miss American Pie music died long ago but we still mourn, I'm stumped on how to get radio to play my song, the system is rigged, just cuz ur alive doesn't mean uve lived, we're working our souls away, robots don't know how to pray, since they don't have a heart or original thought, sorry to say happiness and fulfillment can't be bought, success can't be taught, homosexuality isn't a disease to be caught, demise isn't entertainment for our eyes to watch, enjoy a blunt during sunrise or sunset on the front porch, nature is miraculous not fodder, fuck money let's barter, realign our moral compass, look at the bigger picture and the circumference, ur world views shouldn't be so narrow, why are humans this superficial and shallow, what happened to intellect and depth, we as a species are extremely inept, more damaging than Aids and cancer, I wish I had the answer, it's impossibly hard to make a difference being just one man, nobody said existence is fair while God laughs at us when we plan!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/9/18

Monday, January 8, 2018

The Same Old Same Old Nothing But Suffering

I hate being right when I'm being cynical, why is discrimination and abuse cyclical, I'm trying to do what Oprah says, be better and my best, it isn't always easy, especially when others are plain greedy and sleazy, the responsibility is the collective ours, we don't have infinite hours, everything has limits, enough with manipulative gimmicks, just speak the truth, let's give more power to the voices of our youth, instead of the same old same old, be brave and bold, try something new and different, give people the benefit of the doubt of being innocent, when they show u who they are tho believe them, don't fall for their bs again, give em an inch they'll take a mile, try to simply sit and smile for a lil while, let ur mind go blank and meditate, my brain definitely needs a break, over thinking and working, too much empathy leads to extreme hurting, I feel too much, need to not be stuck in this rut, where's my opportunity and chance, I rap and sing I don't dance, that shouldn't minimize my talents, I write poetry to maintain some semblance of balance, I'm tired of doing the John Mayer and "waiting on the world to change", excited for the sequel to Dr. Strange, it was very thought provoking conscious and existential, how do we inspire others to at least try to achieve their potential, personally I'm about to give up, I'm running out of compassion hope faith and love, and quite frankly that's sad, why aren't the 99% more mad, we desperately need redistribution of wealth, being a poor slave is detrimental to my health, I shouldn't have to work 2 or 3 jobs, yet still feel like I'm getting robbed, the level of debt seems insurmountable, why aren't Congress Wall Street and Corporations held accountable, like they're above the law, we somehow got corrupted at our foundational core, maybe it's not just money that's at the root of all evil, having to start over makes me feel inept and feeble, what's this now the 6th time, and I'm only 35, yet I can never surpass the bottom rung of the socioeconomic ladder, perhaps I am insignificant and don't matter, I realize suicide isn't the answer, won't wish for Aids either or cancer, I believe in the power of manifest destiny, maybe my hip hop music success isn't meant to be, but then what's the point to my life, excessive pain plight and strife, I'm totally appreciative and grateful, but I'm beginning to become envious and hateful, cuz everyone else seems to have figured it out, every singe fucking day is another miserable bout, I can't find joy in boredom or the nothing, please please please God help me find peace and end this suffering!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/8/18   

Friday, January 5, 2018

New Years Blues Produced Venomous Truth When It's Spit Or Spewed

Today I had a profound melt down, believe me I have felt around, and there are no direct hire jobs, basically the youth is getting robbed, mostly over benefits and perks, always underpaid and overworked, I'm having the New Years blues, be careful of my venomous truth produced when it's spit or spewed, so sick of being taken advantage of, is this standard love, constantly passed over, piggy backing my shoulders, while I'm struggling to crawl at all, nobody's there to catch me when I fall, I'm far past frustrated and annoyed, I'm actually contemplating what's the fucking point, life's just too damn expensive, this is what God intended, feel like a wasted talent, sure my effort's been valiant, but that doesn't pay the bills, nobody's got my education background or skills, yet I'm still getting screwed, what else do I have to do, I wanna be compensated fairly, compliments are used sparingly, but criticism punishments and reprimands are doled out in droves, all my friends my age have families careers and own homes, I'm a worthless piece of shit, filled with bitter resentment sarcastic sass and defensive wit, hiding my insecurity and fear, does anybody even care, I'm barely hanging on by a thread, many times I wish I were dead, maybe then the hurt would stop, I miss the original Spot, I can't always be solid as a rock, why do videos go viral when the shock, and not in a good way, I'm a rapper who is white and gay, yes that's highly unusual, yet success seems improbable and not doable, no matter how hard I try, I can't stifle the tears flowing from my eyes, constantly defending myself, when will someone lend a hand to help, I see no footprints in the sand from the Lord carrying me, perhaps I don't have he marrying gene, since I'm too intense stubborn and an ugly troll, who cares that I dare share my whole soul, in my poetry and songs, I seem to be consistently wrong, I suck at existence, must be my masochistic persistence, so super gullible, guess I'm simply trouble, living in a spoiled ignorant bubble, pretty lazy disheveled-looking with a 5:00 shadowy stubble, most of the time, can come up with a hell of a rhyme tho on a dime, give me a beat, writing gives me relief, cuz I can vent, miss getting bent, which reduces stress, I'm failing patience's test, I don't express the best, and sometimes I need to give it a rest, shut down my brain, I'm completely depleted and drained, politics is driving me insane, perhaps I'm too selfish egotistical and vain, this isn't a game, I'm not purposefully seeking fortune and fame, but like I've said before, I believe I've earned and deserve more!

Peace and 1,
Joe Consicous
1/5/18 

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Thought Provoking Lyrics Invoking Those Old Toking Spirits

Don't wanna lose another day because of snow, I still have bills to pay u know, and with back to back short weeks, my bank account is facing defeat, I've been managing to hold on barely, but life like my finances seems dreary, I'm managing to keep a brave face, wish I won the lottery so my debt could be erased, and I could even help others, especially my amazing sexy lover, would also pursue music more, the universe appears abusive at its core, call it karma luck or God, why is existence so damn hard, I'm diligent and driven when working, perhaps my passion and ambition need curbing, since many think I'm too intense and deep, but it should actually increase what I reap, instead of being a detriment, isn't everybody striving for betterment, or am I just the naive fool, used as a stepping stone/doormat-like tool, sick of being passed over, why do I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, too much empathy, at least it's not envy or jealousy, and that's not false modesty, I believe in humble honesty, confident not cocky, with so much stubbornness it's improbable to stop me, I'm a force of nature to be reckoned with, fortune and fame aren't a beckoned gift, I've earned them like respect, pay attention to the politicians we elect, cuz they're ruining our nation, our democracy's spewing discrimination, when it's supposed to be all inclusive, government's getting extremely intrusive, especially with women's gays and civil rights, we must resist and fight, don't wanna be defined by bigotry, maybe equality is unrealistic but what about some symmetry, there should be justice fairness and balance, artists must be paid for they're skills and talents, listen for messages in their lyrics, I've tried invoking Pac Biggie Guru Easy E Nate Dogg Big Pun and Prodigy's spirits, all the epic greats, dreaming to be on that list is my fate, I want a classic long lasting legacy, wouldn't turn down a Las Vegas residency, cuz I'm entertaining and thought provoking, most these modern rappers are gimmicky soul bought and hoaxing, ain't got nothing on ghetto gangsters toking, as long as they weren't ghost wroten, so what if I'm making up words, who does it really hurt, swears are worse, is hip hop cursed, always trying to replicate the old school mentality, but apparently we're failing falling victim like casualties, unopen to growth, remember how Obama spoke hope, but everthing's become regurgitated commercial crap garbage, discarded carcass or porridge garnished and varnished with carnage, which doesn't harness or pay homage to the departed's acknowledged yardage, and targets the retarded held hostage in social bondage from a mental existential blockage, instead of trying to harvest the intellectual or college markets along with those wise hearted and the smartest!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/3/18

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The Failed Art of Playing My Hand Dealt In Cards

Years are going by faster, yet there's so much I haven't yet mastered, like that art of selling myself, I desperately need financial help, tho I work diligent and hard, I don't seem to be doing it smart, cuz I'm still in the red, think I'll be in debt even after I'm dead, thought being coupled, would lessen the trouble, however he's worse off than I am, I believe insurance is a scam, our government and especially Congress, are basically just conning us, their salaries keep annually going up, while the middle class shmucks get fucked, I'm actually working class poor, a tax refund dilemma screwed my credit score, why have temp agencies replaced hr departments, I'm over and tired of political arguments, I hate both parties, have no chance winning the lottery, mostly cuz I don't play, I feel persecuted for being gay, especially being a white rapper too, am I naive to think success might happen soon, somehow miraculously, my song will wind up on the radio magically, how is that people go viral, my whole life's been a downward spiral, and I'm waiting to bottom out, do ya'll believe in a solemn vow, why isn't my struggle an uphill battle, my hope and pride aren't simply rattled, they're being crushed, my music seems rushed, cuz of others procrastinating dragging their feet, no wonder I can't accomplish my goals/dreams, I'm not even close to my peak, I'll keep aspiring to make it in hip hop til I'm 43, at 44 I won't have the desire anymore, I'm sure I'll be defeatedly bored, maybe I'll become a producer instead, try to manage to get other artists ahead, to succeed where I failed, perhaps winning a Grammy was always a tall tale, a story based in fantasy or fiction, I crave money so it's like an addiction, except I never get my fill, credit and debit's replace dollar bills, they're pretty much obsolete, I should just accept defeat, and give in to the notion of the eternal 9 to 5 curse, it really hurts worse, knowing I willingly threw in the towel, but I feel like I hit the Wheel Of Fortune bankrupt and can't afford to buy a vowel, even tho it's only $2.50, at least my songs uplift me, and a select few, who relate to my view, understand my talent, my efforts been valiant, but I'm a complete and utter failure, was hoping to be like Pac or Lauryn Hill and become rap's savior, maybe I'll be appreciated post mortem, and the next generation will say a ghost taught em, cuz it's true a soul's essence never dies, I always tried to put my heart blood sweat and tears I've cried, all into my art, guess I never figured out how to play the hand I was dealt in cards!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/2/18