Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Are U A Gardener Or A Flower?

Really don't know where we stand, breaking up for mental health reasons wasn't planned, I just lost my patience, was much too irritable and anxious, to let some stupid little thing go, I hope in the end he grows and wins tho, he's had a terrible streak of bad luck, wish I didn't destroy his level of trust, sharing ur heart and soul takes guts, communication after all is a must, still wondering why we didn't work, I know I was a hot headed crazy jerk, but I reached my breaking point the proverbial straw, I know what I want while u seem to be very unsure, think maybe u like the illusion, kinks fetishes and sexual preferences aren't up for choosing, it is what it is, I simply can't handle this, benched and ghosted from ur life, the tension could be cut with a knife, too much unspoken resentment, we need to focus on the present, forget the future and past, my love for him will forever ever and always last, my erection can't be masked, perhaps I overzealously nagged, instead of compassionately and supportively listening, there's a huge chunk of me that's missing, I wanna rewind time, neglect can be a crime, especially if it's the cause of death, I have no hope or faith left, I believe I'll be old and alone, without a family or home of our own, unfulfilled with no music success, a wasted existence if I must confess, I tried my best, but karma's a bitch and the universe is a pest, extremely spiteful and sadistic, God isn't a magical wizard or mystic, it's an idea used to mind control, can u see the signs unfold, pointing to the end, maybe once ur lovers u can't be friends, don't wanna go backwards again, and I shouldn't play pretend, something isn't right, we continuously bicker and fight, I don't think I even make u happy, u sarcastically criticize rag and laugh at me, arguing I'm spoiled sheltered and wrong, I write amazing poetry and songs, expressing how I feel, I'm like an onion to peel, potent and layered, electro isn't as harsh as being tasered, fuck painful punishment give me excessive pleasure, I'll be ur  helpless tethered treasure, so u experience true power, are u a gardener or a flower, cuz it's important to know ur role, staying stuck in an unsuitable undesirable one takes a toll, it builds up pressure and adds stress, til u explode or burst from getting too upset, quiet silence distance and space, doesn't heal or erase the angst, it sits and stews, drains u like the news, it's considered abuse, lose the ruse, my world's been turned upside down, the loss of the love of my life is rather quite profound!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious

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