Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Been Given Up On By Love

The only thing harder to walk away is to stay, talk about a giant leap of faith, hoping for him to change, is it time to turn the page, with him it was one problem after another, we were monogamous lovers, but he lacked trust, didn't give me enough, just would take and take, til my patience frayed and breaks, his situation got worse and worse, perhaps we're star crossed soulmates cursed, he couldn't take care of himself, there was nothing more I could do to help, he has to do the rest on his own, it sucks being alone, my future of having a family and home are gone, where did we go wrong, I felt taken for granted and neglected, possessively stifled and jealously overprotected, cuz of his bad past, couldn't take his excessive criticism and constant sarcastic sass, he was my favorite pain in the ass, it made my day to make him smile and laugh, I was the one who fucked up, guess I had enough, the littlest thing happened and I snapped, said and did many hurtful things I can't take back, so now I'm consumed with regret, he's very understandably upset, but silence isn't the answer, it causes relationship cancer, my mind goes crazy insane, replay everything over and over in my brain, to the point of an anxiety induced breakdown, is it simply too late now, I don't wanna be single, having to date and mingle, I'm at a loss for words, my heart hurts, my tear ducts dried, too many tears cried, the day I left him stranded the music died, I don't even wanna be alive, I'm so lost and confused, feel like a failure used, how do I go on without him tho, I don't even seem like the old Joe, a lil light in me has dimmed, forgive me father for I have sinned, I let anger take ahold, lost all rational control, and went plain crazy, he wasn't lazy, he was depressed and in pain, I couldn't sleep cuz of the heavy wind an rain, should've given him the space he needed, his warnings I should've heeded, but of course I didn't listen, now I'm wishing I didn't put us in this hellish position/prison, where it's cold and dark, I miss his spark, he always made me feel safe, pushed me to be brave, so now I'm insecure and scared, worried no one cares or will be there, and quite frankly I don't blame them, I don't have the strength to start all over again, just my luck, think I've been given up on by love!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious

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