Today I had a profound melt down, believe me I have felt around, and there are no direct hire jobs, basically the youth is getting robbed, mostly over benefits and perks, always underpaid and overworked, I'm having the New Years blues, be careful of my venomous truth produced when it's spit or spewed, so sick of being taken advantage of, is this standard love, constantly passed over, piggy backing my shoulders, while I'm struggling to crawl at all, nobody's there to catch me when I fall, I'm far past frustrated and annoyed, I'm actually contemplating what's the fucking point, life's just too damn expensive, this is what God intended, feel like a wasted talent, sure my effort's been valiant, but that doesn't pay the bills, nobody's got my education background or skills, yet I'm still getting screwed, what else do I have to do, I wanna be compensated fairly, compliments are used sparingly, but criticism punishments and reprimands are doled out in droves, all my friends my age have families careers and own homes, I'm a worthless piece of shit, filled with bitter resentment sarcastic sass and defensive wit, hiding my insecurity and fear, does anybody even care, I'm barely hanging on by a thread, many times I wish I were dead, maybe then the hurt would stop, I miss the original Spot, I can't always be solid as a rock, why do videos go viral when the shock, and not in a good way, I'm a rapper who is white and gay, yes that's highly unusual, yet success seems improbable and not doable, no matter how hard I try, I can't stifle the tears flowing from my eyes, constantly defending myself, when will someone lend a hand to help, I see no footprints in the sand from the Lord carrying me, perhaps I don't have he marrying gene, since I'm too intense stubborn and an ugly troll, who cares that I dare share my whole soul, in my poetry and songs, I seem to be consistently wrong, I suck at existence, must be my masochistic persistence, so super gullible, guess I'm simply trouble, living in a spoiled ignorant bubble, pretty lazy disheveled-looking with a 5:00 shadowy stubble, most of the time, can come up with a hell of a rhyme tho on a dime, give me a beat, writing gives me relief, cuz I can vent, miss getting bent, which reduces stress, I'm failing patience's test, I don't express the best, and sometimes I need to give it a rest, shut down my brain, I'm completely depleted and drained, politics is driving me insane, perhaps I'm too selfish egotistical and vain, this isn't a game, I'm not purposefully seeking fortune and fame, but like I've said before, I believe I've earned and deserve more!
Peace and 1,
Joe Consicous
1/5/18
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