The song "A Lil While Longer" brings back sad memories, are we what's now considered as "frenemies", strange what happens to lost love, I'm not used to losing or giving up, but I must forgive myself get help move on and forward with my life, nothing lasts forever I guess, it's hard to understand why cutting each other completely out is best, does it all just get consumed by revenge and hate, I still say he's great, I mean we all have flaws, both still having attached umbilical chords, since we're stuck at home living with our parents, his situation is toxic and it's quite apparent, but there's only so much a partner can do, how anyone could choose abuse, but we each have reached breaking point, I'm resentful frustrated vengeful and annoyed, as individuals we we're a mess, I never intended to ever hurt him or make him feel less, I was such an ass, showed no tact or class, spewed poisonous venom, I felt butterflies when I met him, somehow tho I lost the lust, I simply gave too much, it was completely my fault, yeah u were grumpy but didn't deserve my assault, maybe some time apart, will help us heal our hearts, believe me I still worry and care, if u need me I'll be here, trust like luck is hard to recapture, I'll try to remember the good times the love and the laughter, cuz u made me a better man, I hope u know I'm ur biggest fan, and if somewhere down the line circumstances change, we've let go of the past heartache and pains, we can start over again, maybe go slower and work first on being best friends, but unfortunately that's a dream and I need to focus on the present, altho I'm hesitant cuz it's defeating and unpleasant, I must face each day brave and confident on my own, u can be lonely but never alone, we reside in hearts souls and minds, besides u always said ull be fine, overconfidence doesn't mask insecurity completely, wish u would've listened more and believed me, u were my world, I was loyal and faithful thru every obstacle or hurdle, tried to give support, lent what I could afford, but at great compromise and sacrifice, I gave u the power to control and map my life, I'm taking back the reigns tho, nothing and nobody makes or breaks Joe, multifaceted leveled deep and layered, so fuck jealous envious control freaks and failed haters, watch me squirm and bleed, rise above escape to be free and succeed, fulfill all my hopes wishes and dreams, cuz it's my fate/destiny!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/16/18
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