Monday, February 12, 2018

Wrestling WIth Reflection

When it comes to true love is forgiveness limitless, I can see our future happily-ever-after lives together forever with such wicked vividness, whenever I'm with him, I feel we can simply rebegin, start all over again, maybe this time slow things down and first be best friends, minus the financial responsibility, perhaps then there won't be constant instability, bickering and stupid fights, it could be we simply aren't compatibly right, like we initially thought, certain kinks and fetishes can't be taught, sometimes not even understood, I wish I could have sex like a normal person should, and not have all these rap superstar dreams, I've taken the time to find out my wants and needs, lived life, gone thru heartache pain and strife, made many many mistakes, failed and caught breaks, I'm both book and street smart, got tons of empathy soul and a big heart, but nice guys finish last, why am I so haunted by my past, it doesn't matter now, I keep asking myself who what when where and how, I'm shrouded by a dark cloud, why does it seem I'm not allowed, like success is impervious to me, if the best things in life are free, I only got the worst, he's gone for 2 weeks and it hurts, guess I was wrong, didn't know what I had til it was gone, altho he'll be back, what about the trust we lack, for a month we've been apart, going back and forth over what was the start, blaming one another, sinking to new lows deep in the gutter, hitting below the waist, reacting out of anger in haste, saying horrible things we didn't mean, perhaps we're missing the relationship gene, or maybe we're cursed, have u too been fucked over by the universe, that karma is a bitch, sometimes people need to find their groove or niche, the purpose or reason they exist, sooner or later we all need to stop resorting to tricks and gimmicks, there are no short cuts to success, I think everybody is secretly a mess, some just know how to fake it well, say shit's swell, hiding behind a wide smile, wish destiny and fate were unbridled, but they aren't, I'm the pacifist type showing up to war unarmed, at least without guns knives or bombs, it's amazing how a person's energy soothes and calms, almost like magic, yes loss is tragic, but much is learned, I'm impatient for my turn, my 15 minutes, we just started how can we already be finished, let's give u and I, one last try, I'm not gonna lie, I've gotten many sighs and rolled eyes, but it's ok tho, that's the way it goes, we can agree to disagree, please no I told u sos or pity, let's act like adults, was ur gay marriage peacefully divorced or annulled, that's what we get, hetero-normatively hexed, perhaps it's just not meant to be, all we can do is wait and see, oh the mystery of history's reflection, it's like watching Lucifer and Jesus wrestling, the never ending battle between good and evil, sorry not sorry but neither of us care about the opinions of other people, nor their judgments, why make drama where there wasn't, social media definitely doesn't help, we needed to take time to focus on bettering ourselves!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious

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