Forgive & Let Live

I know he made me happy cuz now I'm not, maybe he does still love me just forgot, but there was never trust on his part, dealing with double standard hypocrisy was too hard, think it's finally time to move again, make new friends, get away from this place, feel like a failure and a disgrace, I let myself down the most, I wonder if I'll miss him like the west coast, but I wanna go somewhere different I've never lived, I know I won't get the satisfaction of being forgived, which isn't a word, I know how absurd, a rapper making up lingo, wish we had a chance to go together to musical bingo, for shizzle my nizzle, but our relationship has more than simply fizzled, but there will always be love there, we got consumed by insecurities and fear, I'm done tho playing the blame game, gotta focus on fame, being an indy artist, stay humble grounded and modest, cuz nobody likes conceited or cocky, I wanna win a Grammy and nothing or nobody can stop me, I'm determined and driven, working isn't living, it's supposed to improve quality, in all honesty, I think evil has taken over, sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, I wanna make my parents proud, perhaps I share too much too loud, like an open book, I prefer not to cook, that doesn't mean I can't, I want a man who understands, that I am who I am, I like to try to make plans, but with so many fakes and flakes, flying solo seems to be my fate, and I'm ok with that, love isn't something I lack, I'm lucky and blessed, I don't believe in perfection or that I'm the best, always bettering myself, unafraid to admit I need help, at the end of the day we're all just people, do not succumb to the powers of evil, stay true to who u are, always follow ur gut and heart, please don't sell ur soul either, I tend to be more spiritual than a Jesus believer, altho I grew up Catholic, I wanna be a superstar not an asterisk, but only ya'll can help make that happen, instead of condescendingly laughing, take a listen to my songs, especially after ripping the bong, and if it's not ur cup of tea, that's totally fine with me, but if u do than tell a fellow hip hop fan, seems good smart lyrical content isn't in demand, like Meghan sings "it's all about that bass", why's rap music anti white and gays, like either of those are disqualifying traits, finding success is a maze, that basically just leads to dead ends, I've thought about officiating weddings, or doing massage therapy professionally, I tried adult day care but I wasn't prepared mentally, now instead of paralegal I'm a fiscal clerk, who knows what future careers lurk, wish my art would pay the bills, still have to make a will, just in case, of the Rapture/End Of Days, hope we can change our course to a forward direction, make sure if ur unhappy with our president u go out in vote in elections!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/27/18

From Inspirational Muse To A Brown Noun

There's nothing better than an artist scorned, my desire to write and create has been reborn, instead of letting love turn to hate, I'll put all that wasted emotion into the music I make, it'll take time to heal, nobody can make u do or feel, it is always ur choice, my mind is consumed with so much noise, societal expectation and criticism, I swear most people are only pretending to listen, only caring about themselves, unempathetic and unwilling to help, unless of course it benefits them in some way, sick of this mentality u gotta pay to play, life is funny, fuck love just give me the money, it's the only thing that really matters, if u wanna be popular abstain from getting fatter, we're super superficial, self righteous and hypocritical, judgmental sinners, criminals are the winners, don't u know the nice finish last, time is too precious and flies by fast, so seize the moment, keep moving forward learning and growing, we're all works in progress, stop with the macho dick swinging contest, ya'll trying too hard, play the hand dealt in cards, quit comparing with envy, watch out for back stabbing from jealousy, they'll build u up just to tear u down, my ex is definitely a brown noun, I have hope tho again, finally reconnecting with real friends, he made my world small, taught me to build barriers and walls, especially around my heart, actually he wasn't very smart, cuz nobody survives alone, gotta let the bad past go, otherwise it'll destroy future opportunity, I wanna contribute to the rise of our community, prove that sexual preference can't supersede talent, I try to stay cordial respectful and valiant, but when I repeatedly take the blame, I started to realize u were playing me like a game, a perpetrator can never be the victim, perhaps I should've just let u go to prison, instead I enabled u, made a fool, gullible ignorant and naive, I don't need to grieve, cuz I understand I was used, that's just what drug addicts and users do, I don't think he truly ever even love me, and now I'm free, single and ready to mingle, while the people who care about him dwindle, sometimes it's a curse to see the best in others, there's a huge difference between codependent necessity and unconditional partnered lovers, I'm still waiting for the latter, u assume I got my parent's silver platter, there's nothing further from the truth, yes I may live under their roof, and I am very blessed, but I'm humble enough to know I'm no better than the rest, I'm not cocky or conceited, I was the only one to be there whenever u needed, cuz u were ungrateful, kept falsely accusing me of being unfaithful, delusional with double standards, that would make it easier for u if I was a philanderer, but I'm not, give it all u got, u won't ruin my reputation, go see a psychiatrist or get an education, and quit ur pity party bitching, pretty soon ull be missing my kissing, but I'll be like Kelly sings "already gone", ull no longer be my muse or inspiration for poems or songs!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/26/18   

Just Infatuation & Lust

Think we finally killed any love left, wish I could sue u for theft, not only did u steal my heart but u shattered it too, when I think back on all we've been thru, I realize it was such a waste of precious time, I'm done trying, u obviously don't wanna make this work, u continuously act like a jerk, never changing for the better, I'm happier when we're not together, uve always been a real let down, incapable of romance self sustainability or being intellectually profound, ur underemployed and can't drive, ur full of false assumptions and lies, good luck and well wishes, I'm sick of double standards from hypocritical bitches, I may be spoiled and coddled, but fuck ur judgmental criticisms u aint no role model, in fact ur a prime example of what not to be, u can keep turning everything around on me, but people can see thru ur illusion, ur recollection of things is utter delusion, ur a pathetic excuse of a partner, neither a flower nor a gardener, u don't have a pot to piss in, I've been too forgiving, totally enabling ur bad habits, our relationship is mad tragic, ur not anywhere near my caliber or level, I hope without me u spiral and dishevel, I kept u afloat so long, u never apologized or admitted u were wrong, extremely insecure and jealous, u made pursuing my dreams hellish, abusively unsupportive and neglectful, staying with u a year has made me regretful, I'm embarrassed I fell for ur tricks, sorry not sorry Kevin but ur dismissed, we are officially over, a huge weight's lifted off my shoulders, I can breathe again, doubt we'll be friends, and I'm glad we're done, u won hun, I'd rather be single and alone, then sacrifice myself to create us a happy home, no more riding coattails bubba, I only wanted a lover, not someone I have to take care of and save, ur bipolarness comes in waves, but when it does it sucks, I've come to learn that this wasn't love it was infatuation and lust, ur ugly on the inside, which u can't hide, there were no tears cried, today music lived it was my love for u that died. 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/25/18

Instantly Knew It Was U

Wish there was more I could do to cheer u up
Sometimes my love isn't enough
Ur so incredible
Only one to have access to my unmentionables
Ur the first person I think of
I wanna be there right now to give u a hug
U poor thing
Why can't I reciprocate the joy u bring
I'm wicked easy to please
Ur not only what I want but what I need
Beautiful both inside and out
From the minute u put ur lips to my mouth
Instantly I knew
The person I wanna spend the rest of my life with is u

-Joe Conscious
4/20/18

Don't Be Indifferent To The Blistering Belligerent Bickering

Haven't had much to say, in the past few days, but it doesn't mean I ain't stressed, perhaps it's writer's block I guess, I've been so focused on my new album coming out, hope it helps finally give me some respect and clout, I don't need money or awards, I'm perfectly happen with some name recognition and applause, at least for now, I'd achieve success if I knew how, what am I doing wrong, maybe too lengthy wordy songs, people don't like to think, in fact common sense is almost extinct, hip hop music today stinks, rappers self proclaim themselves Gods and kings, without paying any dues, who makes up these industry standards and rules, cuz I'm confused, why are indy artists neglected and abused, if Macklemore and Chance can do it so can I, performing for me is a natural rush/high, trying to spread that "Truth Love & Consciousness", I'm sick of all this unintelligent nonsensical obnoxiousness, what happened to the value of lyrics, is there a moral to the story or didn't I hear it, we need to grow past this ghetto gangster mentality, but go back to before digital and virtual reality, it's consuming human's existence, like a ravenous contagious plague epidemic and there's no resistance, when it comes to history we're pretty much ignorant, enough with being indifferent to the blistering belligerent bickering, between repubs and dems, let's not toe the fiscal cliff again, stop playing with our lives, fuck political lies and bribes, the economy isn't something to play with, Trump's divided us and shed light on our nation's discriminating hatred, it's like it's inherently ingrained, the working poor are becoming more and more enslaved, simpleton monotonous robots, hitting brick walls dead ends and roadblocks, at every step or turn, the nice guy's always getting robbed or burned, defined by atrocity, conclusions aren't answered logically, can't follow ur train of thought, how does one's soul get bought, does a heart actually break, do we have free will or prisoners of predestined fate, stuck pondering, aimlessly wandering, searching for some purpose and meaning, when did we collectively give up on believing, especially in our individual power within, is there redemption from any sin, what about losing faith, have no hope thing's will still change, nothing's getting better or easier, just harder and sleazier, hard work no longer pays, criminals are idolized and praised, even elected president, society turned backwards upside down and it's pretty evident, peace has been replaced by chaos, let's have a seance, to talk to MLK Bob Marley or Pac, so I can ask these revolutionaries how the hell they made it to the top, leaving an incredibly long epic legacy, many try to replicate out of envy and jealousy, this isn't a west vs east coast revelry, bop ur head or tap ur feet to the melody, please just do me the favor and remember me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/11/18

A Stagnant Magnet

One day left to go for the work week, does anybody else feel like life's a jerk on repeat, after a while it all seems the same, like existence is just a game, and I'm losing badly, would start from scratch gladly, but not ready to give up, America's the new Titanic our ship's sunk, why don't we live love, I miss his hugs, I don't see him enough, guess it's tough luck, success is aloof, there's no proof of the truth, we ultimately decide, what if religion is an elaborate lie, simply used as a tool to control, why in business is there no ethical heart or soul, what's more important experience or education, u for holistic remedies or medication, u know pharmaceuticals own our government, corporations oil companies and big banks aren't suffering, in fact they got tax cuts, haven't ya'll had enough, so much corruption and greed, nothing is free, not even the air we breathe, is God a he or a she, perhaps a genderless it, pondering existential questions is some strenuous shit, I mean did the chicken or egg come first, why did Jesus leave us cursed, is Earth really hell, and Trump the devil, kinda makes sense, we're extremely divided and tense, on the verge of both civil and world wars, as the rich 1%'s wealth astronomically soars, will there be a financial collapse, debt can enslave and entraps, humans appear to be naive ignorant gullible saps, while pay raises collectively lags and drags, going on decades with no increase, with mass school shootings we expect teachers to be police, they're already parenting our kids, do u realize that Santa the Easter Bunny and the Tooth-fairy are elaborate fibs, duping exponential generations, shouldn't make blanket statements based on generalizations, stereotypes aren't always accurate, can conception really be immaculate, I wanna know who shot, JFK Biggie and Pac, we need to redefine our inalienable rights, why does everything resort to violent demonstrations or fights, there's no hope for peace, look what we sowed and reaped, is this the legacy we want to leave, no fundamental faith or belief, wolves are outnumbering sheep, the uphill battle is dangerously steep, I keep trying to save up money to move and just leave, wish I still had some tricks up my sleeve, but I'm all out of ideas, compromised by my fears, so I'm unmotivated and stagnant, lost souls are attracted to me like a magnet, I'm no better off, tho I walk my talk, I'm in the same boat, that can't carry us across the moat, an outsider begging to be let in, finally gays get their wedding, but they're not impervious to divorce, does patience have its rewards, cuz I haven't seen any fruits from my labor, ya'll are foolish to think Trump would be our savior, fuck the electoral college, Congress is void of all common sense wisdom and knowledge, basically useless and rather inept, how can we avoid the gravity effect, that which rises must fall, funny how 2 superpowers can make the whole global economy stall.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/5/18