Finally starting to regret my words, I wasn't justified because of the anger stemming from hurt, I lost control, felt he damaged both my reputation and soul, but he was right, all I could do was fight, constantly having to defend myself, even sought out professional help, but in the end, we can't be lovers or friends, and that just breaks my heart, he did say from the start, I simply thought he'd change his mind, too bad we can't press rewind, I'd go back and be the one to walk away, now I'm lonely and afraid, what if I don't find love again, like Pink sings "we're not broken just bent", can we ever recover, apologize and forgive each other, I honestly don't know, time isn't healing anything tho, I'm getting more and more resentful, life solo seems unfulfilling and uneventful, I can do it cuz I'm strong, can get lost in and put all those mixed emotions into a new song, unlike Taylor breakups aren't my muse, I don't wanna hear more bad news, we both need to catch a break, I wish I was blessed with the patience to wait, I'm overzealous and anxious, I too can be atrocious and react heinous, why was he so ungratefully ungracious, his lack of accountability was silly and outrageous, humans aren't angels, we're all connected and entangled, and then there's friction, I've got a social interaction addiction, not for sex drugs or booze, karaoke is one of my coping tools, also helps me practice to better my singing, I'm cursed with incessant over thinking, if only he found the trust, it was deeper than superficial lust, how can we go back, learn to cuddle hug kiss and laugh, is it possible to forget, did I make u too upset, why can't u see, I don't wanna be free, I wanted it to be, together forever ever and always u and me, but that dream is gone, gotta embrace the dawn, signaling the beginning of the next chapter, true happiness and unconditional love is what I'm after, maybe one day, the pain will fade, until then, trying to stay balanced and zen, so I don't go off the rails, nothing sucks more than admitting u did ur best yet still failed, nobody is perfect, but my insecurity keeps asking if I'm even worth it, should I be exempt, wish things ended civilly instead of with such hostility and contempt, guess I don't take criticism nor rejection well, perhaps I'm irredeemable and my final destination is hell!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
6/15/18
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