I Am A Ham

Boy do I keep misfocusing, should perhaps stop drinking poppering and toking, at least for a lil while, it's ok to have been a bit wild, after the past 6 years, these rage induced tears and fears, all stem from loss, instead of recognizing how much of a bad ass boss, I actually really am, I'm such a stubborn ham, so fucking hard on myself, quick to offer others help, but don't give that same level of love and grace to me, I have wicked trouble letting shit go and just be, but thank God for my chosen family and friends, who keep mirroring/reminding me of how inspiringly strong I've been over and over again!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

4/4/25

I'm So Sorry

I hate all this anger, turned a gay besty to a stranger, cuz I couldn't keep my big mouth shut, made him into a slut, when he didn't give me love, or choose to show up, when he said he would, but did if he could, I'm just so hurt from grief, I pushed him away before he'd leave me, I liked him too much, I was holding onto this grudge, that my family sometimes made me feel not good enough, and the universe never ever ever gave me good timing/luck, and an apology just doesn't seem to do, wish we were more than just 2 trauma bonded dudes!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

4/4/25

Prize Eyes

My heart literally hurts, walking away from someone u care deeply for is the worst, I just wanted to love u, now ur trauma I have to heal thru, on top of all this grief, no wonder there’s only doubt no hope or belief, I'm broken, no words left to be spoken, just tears cried, was it all lies, I really wanna be chosen, appreciated like that golden ticket/token, the ultimate prize, instead I try to hide the pain written on my eyes, so I smile big and bright, u probably mad right, cuz I no longer share or dim my light, and simply left ur life without a fight!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

4/3/25

Go Whore Some More

He was a user and a slut, pretty fucked up, pretended to love, til he ran out of luck, evicted from his home, now alone, except for his 2 cats, and bf/dad, never had the time, always claimed to be fine, til he started crying help, no amount of money or wealth, can fix sabotage to self, he used to make my heart melt, I want nothing to do with him anymore, I'm not a friendship whore, I value the people in my life, and that guy never treated me right! 

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

4/2/25

Please God Stop

Wish I could help my friend, not say again that this might be the end, I know life can seem impossibly hard, but we aren't here to just get this far, why can't I help with love, and that could be good enough, to awake another day, found a besty that's gay, and I don't want to lose him, when will this universal truce begin, way too much suffering, it's wicked fucking discouraging, we're losing people left and right, nobody wants or knows how to fight, please God, make all this sadness and pain stop!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

4/1/25

Hurdled My World

It can be rather profound, when somebody u wanna love let's u down, again and again and again and again, I'm such an unconditional friend, but is that healthy, there's a difference between rich bitch and generationally wealthy, some would say I've had tough luck, fucked and it sucks, but I did have it great for a while, giving up isn't really the Vacca style, resilient af, politically left, they'd be sad at the state of the world, proud of what I've overcome and hurdled, I am rather triumphant/inspiring, when it's authentically genuine tho there ain't no conspiring nor trying!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

3/31/25

The New Norm Storm

I love myself more, make a terrible whore, cuz I'm picky, pretty thiccy, like sticky icky, both whitty and spitty, it's art, all heart, mixed with soul personified, refuse to compromise, esp my humanity, can't stand nor understand this insanity, good just gave up, y'all are so fucked when it comes to knowing unconditional love, I guess I'm blessed, but this country is a hot mess, gone straight cray cray, I pray day to day, that life gets better, cuz I can't even imagine success unless it's all of us uniting together, to weather this storm, since we shouldn't allow this shit to be the new norm!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
3/31/25