I'm over here crying, cuz I keep trying and trying, but there's no forward motion or luck, it's like I'm just stuck in a rut, that I can't seem to get out of, another bout with my love, it's a never ending battle, so easily shook shaken and rattled, such a big lapse of trust, fix this vast gap with cuddles kisses and hugs, lie close and tightly hold me, consolingly, allow the future to unravel and unfold free, could go for a Gansett Captain & Coke or cran and raspberry Stoli, it's been that kind of a year never mind week or day, a few people have said I'm too caught up with being gay, which I find a weird thing to hear, don't project onto me ur insecurities and fears, I'm sorry if my oppression offends u, ud rather be an ignorant naive buffoon prude who's a fool too to boot, I mean really, jokes may seem harmless and silly, but sometimes they cut deep, we're all going thru tough stuff nobody else sees, but we aren't alone, I was lucky enough to be raised in an amazing home, with unbelievably kind loving folks, growing up and old ain't no joke, doesn't get any easier, what u thought were friends show that they're actually deceivingly sleazier, we each own many masks, following thru with dreams goals and/or simple tasks, always take pride, don't lie shy away or hide, yes u are both smart and beautiful, love should be irrefutable immovable indisputable reusable computable irreducible so suitable it's pretty musical, magnificently magical, seems supernatural, we need to keep Earth habitable, am I sexy/grabbable, or a fat ugly sad nag, who doesn't appreciate anything he has, shouldn't use nigga or fag, I ain't mad, I'm hurt, feel devalued without worth, been cursed since birth, my height went toward my girth, and I'm bald too but I'm ok with that, unlike being betrayed let down or stabbed in the back, and especially whack rap, how and why do u even put up with the same crap, guess I'm just a sorry sap, hangry and desperately in need of a nap, finding it hard to find my smile and laugh, seal the latch and add that strap, so there's no escape, refuse to let love turn to hate, is solitude my fate, success is great, but I want to share it with someone, wish I didn't take life personally or so serious and had more fun, it's a one and done thang, I can't get it out my head u don't wanna hear me sang, retract ur claws and fangs, I ain't no William Hung trying do cover "She Bangs", I got real skills and talent, idolize the righteous virtuous and valiant, be as humble and honest as possible, only say improbable, to avoid manifest destinying being self defeating, all it takes is some hope faith and unconditionally believing, I'm retrieving achieving and seeing what I'm dreaming, my bright white light is beaming gleaming, express urself and what ur feeling, whatever ur logic reasoning and meaning, every relationship changes like seasons, may take time for healing and grieving, my heart's both beating and bleeding, I'm seething watching u leaving, I despise cooking and cleaning, it's only u I'm wanting and needing, begging and pleading, kneeling ready for pleasing, even a humiliating demeaning beating, if that's what it takes, to make up for all the mistakes I made, I'll stay chaste and depraved, give in bow down and cave, ur my fantasy man, understand I will do anything I can, so please just stop, on the list of priorities ur at the top!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/25/17
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