It's been a rough week, to say the least, but it's getting really old, why are God the universe and karma so cold, like they enjoy seeing us suffer and squirm, I don't need tragedy to learn, I am perfectly capable of evolving, handling conflict and problem solving, without having to fail, sometimes I get so angry I actually wail, I'm so sick of life, all the pain plight and strife, it's just never-ending, the ghosting defriending and benching, it's almost too much to bare, and nobody really cares, cuz they're tired of my bitching and complaining, I understand it's annoying and draining, but I go above and beyond for other people, the lack of reciprocity is unbelievable, for them to say they didn't ask, please don't make me laugh, it doesn't excuse u from being indebted, why are guilt and shame so embedded, I have this inane inability to say no, when do I get to reap what I sow, I've worked long and hard, gave all my soul and heart, yet it isn't enough, I'm unsuccessful at both music and love, so I ask myself what is the fucking point, I wanna smoke a fat ass blunt or joint, then contemplate existential questions, when ur stuck in a rut it's impossible to see and appreciate any blessings, I've run out of time patience and luck, I have this extreme insatiable appetite of unfulfilled horniness and lust, I need some kinky sex, feel like my relationship is hexed, every day goes by and nothing's changed, except I'm more bitter jaded combative and enraged, I want compliments and credit, imagine if we could go back to edit, mistakes wouldn't happen, I'd forego college to pursue rapping, it sucks being such a late bloomer, perhaps I should take over for my dad and be a dog breeder/boarder/groomer, I simply want my future to be financially sustainable and secure, takes tremendous strength to avoid being consumed by fame's allure, even tho I know it's imperative, to move forward less negative, something has got to give, I'm frustrated and pissed, that everybody else gets to take and take and take, I hate the spoiled fakes and flakes, getting my hopes and expectations up, ya'll don't have half my drive or guts, but receive no empathy or compassion, keep waiting for action, when we have the power to make fate, given free will and a blank slate, unless u believe in predestiny, human's are responsible regrettably, since by nature we're fallible, the word war isn't palatable, violence can't be the answer, perhaps we're in fact a type of cancer, maybe Earth is just a snow globe, do u ever wanna go rogue, run away and hide, close ur eyes and die, those aren't good thoughts, I pretend to be butterflies and moths, depending on if I'm feeling colorful, wish I was genuinely happy and wonderful, but the truth is I'm not, probably won't be very long now before I'm replaced by a robot!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/29/18
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