Exaggerative & Over Mellow Dramatic

I struggle like Mary J, going thru growing pains, similar to Pac I bout, with a passionate big loud mouth, but it has to be to express my heart, I have the talent potential and drive to make it very far, if I stop letting myself get in the way, I'm not defined by my mistakes and pains or being gay, can't help feeling afraid and so ashamed, falling and failing is hard, life's as fair as a game of cards, requires basic skills but, it's pretty much just luck, it's how u play and if u enjoy it, don't be a whiny annoying shit, nobody likes playing with sore losers, we need to be respectful to whichever man he ultimately chooses, but also be genuinely happy for him, let them go so u too can begin, and hopefully find my own inner peace fulfillment and love, ya'll do realize I'm being exaggerative and over mellow dramatic when I say I'm giving up, human interaction and friction has its necessary purpose, trial and error is important cuz we learn the most from what hurts us!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/28/16

Worrying For Nothing

Our minds play terrible tricks on us, like the reliability of our guts, why do I have such a problem with confidence and trust, have u ever been consumed with puppy love/lust, good looks aren't a necessity but a personality is a must, I don't need a lot or I should say much, just stop and get a dutch, maybe even grab some ice cream preferably with fudge, not into soda but enjoy an occasional ginger ale or orange crush, it's liquid candy, I can't keep pretending everything is fine and dandy, but I've got to quit it with the negative shit, throwing childish temper tantrums pity parties and hissy fits, people have lives of their own to deal with, don't take it all so serious and lighten up a bit, ur worrying for nothing, he's probably recuperating rejuvenating and buffering, I mean when I'm sick depressed or suffering, I don't want to be bothered cuz I'm recovering, but plus ur a Leo so ur the caretaker, a very talented artist and quite the homemaker, the one thing tho ur not really good at, is letting others return the favor and help u back, when I think about u saying ur black by injection I laugh, I'm wicked addicted to ur brand of sarcasm and sass, all u ever have to do is ask, for a bitch slap, or like Red said "a swift kick in the ass", we both are nice guys but neither one of us are finishing last!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/28/16

Short & Sweet

Why do I always think the worst, silence seems cursed, it usually means ur mad, without u in my life I get sad, would absolutely settle for a text saying hey JC, nothing fancy just short and sweet, I fucked up yet again, overextended my gay best friend, damn it I give up, I don't deserve love, I can't even take care of myself, feeling like I may need professional help, life sucks, when uve got bad timing and luck, I didn't want to marry u or fuck, I simply wanted someone to cuddle talk to blaze with and hug!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/28/16

My Freestyle

To kill time when I'm bored and alone, I usually freestyle write a poem, I'm trying to manage my emotions better, have u ever written an unsent letter, not for anyone else, but to simply check urself, we all need help, do u know the difference between value and worth or rich and wealth, at the end of the day, we handle shit in our own way, I'm still getting to know u, so I'm learning ur quirks and rules, perhaps our definition of friendship differs, when will this spiteful hostility simmer, joblessness is exasperating my anxiety, I want ya'll to respect and think of me highly, not like a celebrity or royalty, just treat me normally, whatever that means, afterall like u and me they are just regular human beings!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/28/16

Really Gotta Quit It

I don't like long bouts of silence or being ignored, please stop leaving me alone so lonely and bored, it's not good for the pychy, one day hanging out with lil Mikey, makes everything better, kids are resilient brilliant and learn how to weather, almost any storm, don't stifle them to conform them to the norm, it's our differences that make us unique, we all are special and eventually peak, get our 15 minutes, I say when I'm finished, fuck u and the fat lady, I'm not crazy or lazy, because I am a stoner, masturbate my own boner, I'm very independent self sufficient/reliant, I'm more than just an average Joe but not a giant, definitely a grower not a shower, just when u thought these politicians couldn't sink any lower, the Republicans are making a mockery, of this once virtuous and true democracy, the whole globe's gotta quit it with judgmental nonsensical hypocrisy, does anyone else think it's absurd to have over a billion dollar jackpot up for lottery, but what really bothers me, is where does that tax revenue go, 700 million is the type of dough that could actually make a difference u know, funny how much money provides hope, imagine the possibilities if we legalized dope!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/27/16

Am I A Chore

It's a chore to stop caring, awkwardly gawking and staring, makes people feel uncomfortable or freakishly weird, ur faking love and friendship is my biggest fear, not an addict but get very quickly attached, will do my best at whatever u ask, but don't tell me to move on, I'm so gullible and easily conned, being the nice guy sucks, always wind up fucked, a simple hug or a smile on ur face, is a sublime divine heavenly amazing saving grace, I have great taste, but unfortunately we need some space, maybe then ull learn to miss me and want me in ur life again, I can't handle another pretend best friend, evil like negativity can never be eradicated or truly end, wish u were more flexible and willing to bend, cuz I just can't stand to hear the stupidest excuses this time, I've come to realize with u I'm out of sight out of mind!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/26/16

The Conscious Conscience

I was chasing u, a puppy love stricken fool, do u know how beautiful u are, uve raised the par bar, ur already a shining guiding star, problem is ur unavailable, I don't think I'm able or capable, of hiding my true feelings, plus I'm much too genuine respectful and dignified for lying or stealing, my conscious conscience can't handle cheating, same goes for excessive repeating, losing our friendship will take considerable grieving, but in the long run it's for the better, I'm a passionate driven nomadic go getter, I choose me and my dream first, maybe that's the reason I'm cursed, but I think sacraficingly settling is worse, I can tell u from experience regret hurts, that's why I live every day like it's my last, time flies by wicked fast, I've been so caught up in reflection of the past, I've got a big mouth that often overshares/reacts, perhaps I don't fathom or grasp, how ur hand in marriage hasn't yet been asked, can't help but laugh at a dumb ass, I just wouldn't keep waiting, cuz it causes too much internal contemplating and debating, creating conflict which I despise, I also hate goodbyes, but once uve crossed me or mine, meaning a gemini's fine line, there ain't no recovering, I am forever unconditionally loving, but ur behavior was unforgivably disgusting, quit advice giving and discussing my shortcomings, and focus on u urself actually doing something!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/26/16

Time & Money

What I want to do, is inspire and move u, we all need help now and again, I'd be nothing without family and friends, I know I'm overzealous too deep and intense, but faking happy doesn't make any sense, why not live life to the fullest, the universe throws curve balls like bullets, they're plain deadly, who cares if they finish ahead of me, it's not a rat race, or about the pace, besides they say slow and steady wins, whether ur fat or thin, over consumption is a sin, masc seeking masc doesn't mean anti feminine, but then again, many think Obama was the worst president, proving racism and discrimination are still prevalent, cuz it's for no other reason than him being half black, I hate how the media skews the truth and misconstrues facts, knowledge is right at our fingertips, this world is corrupt and it makes me sick, some people are so ignorant and thick, instead of focusing on problems and shit, let's figure out a way to actually deal with it, no more kicking the can down the line, ya'll are crazy delusional if u think money grows on trees for free and there's endless time!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/26/16

Believe To Achieve

Learning to detach from the past and reflection, for my own good safety and protection, falling out of love with u, is the fucking hardest thing to do, I don't like the way u make me feel about myself, I understand how u lash out cuz u too need help, don't want to have to handle somebody else's shit, unfortunately being best buds means u have to deal with it, a great way to make a friend is to be one, it's not always sunshine butterflies and fun, sorry if I've become too much work, I'm depressed from boredom and neglect and it hurts, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand, god laughs when we plan, gotta stop seeking affection and approval, total control and perfection aren't doable, they can never be achieved, like Whitney and Mariah sing "u will when u believe", the trick is to stay focused, lust is like a locust, beautiful on the outside yet hides a deadly surprise, I don't want to just live to survive, gotta stop asking why, be more patient and wait til it's my time to not only succeed but thrive, was asleep before now I opened my gemini mind's eye, and started graciously appreciating the blessing of simply being alive!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/25/16

Fine Lines

It's hard always staying positive and gracious, I feel like people can read my fakeness, I'm much too genuine to lie, a high straightforward type of guy, tells the truth and how it is, on stage handles his business, some think I'm the shit when I spit, maintaining modesty and humbleness is hard I admit, success takes opportunity and luck, a lil leisure and comfort got me stuck, in quicksand land, where I have many family and friends who are fans of me the man, but don't know Joe the artist, lately I've been pushing myself the hardest, to move forward toward light love and happiness, fuck all that negativity and crappy ass crabbiness, I thought misery loved company, a lot of lost souls come to me, cuz they're contemplating suicide break down and cry right in front of me, sorry to say but life really ain't all that fair or sunny hunny, not trying to be mean or funny, most don't listen or care unless there's some sort of benefit like money, they always want u to scratch their backs, I'm just done being the nice guy getting last laughs, karma is one slow ho/bitch, ever been mummified or tied helpless and have an itch, well until then u couldn't possibly comprehend what I meant about learning to deal with real shit, there are fine lines separating reality from fantasy fiction and supernatural magical myths!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/24/16

Good Old Fashioned Detachment

I'm learning to play the game detached, neither one of us can take what we said or did back, but I give up on trying with u, sorry but we're thru, kinda wish we never met, keep smoking excessively hoping to forget, I'm addicted to ur love, ur a spiritual soul altering drug, u have this miraculous power to lift me up, with a cuddle sesh or a healing hug, the big but tho, is u can also destroy me u know, I've become too needy and codependent, ur unavailable and already with ur bo/best friend, I must be a naive delusional fool, I guess we could settle this the old fashioned way with a duel, don't think fighting or home wrecking are cool, specify ur intentions boundaries and rules, I'll tell u now I ain't no on call slut or whore, I'm sorry I can't control myself from wanting more, than another secret undercover lover, I don't hook up on the dl with my brothers from another mother, again I'm not into prostitution, masochistically getting used to ur relentless emotional abusing, cuz every few whole days or weeks that pass by, without seeing u or receiving a text hi, is like sheer fucking torture, why couldn't I have been the one to have caught ya, seems I've always been cursed with timing, guess that means I should solely focus on my rhyming, go into self preservation and hibernation mode, somehow figure out a way to make my own happy home/humble abode, I absolutely hate being alone, thanks for all the sympathetic pity uve shown, I think I'm finally ready to pull up my boot straps and act full grown!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/24/16

Bored With These Queens

Up early cuz ur hairs curly, i see why gay is synonymous with girly, flat iron that shit, go tuck ur dick, make ur face and add ur weave or wig, then go talentlessly lipsynch, i no longer give a fuck what ya'll think, I get off on manly stink, stop with the expression straight acting, it's simply preference liking feminine or masculine, I'm not hating on queens, I'm not acting or trying to be anyone but me, a gay white bald rapper singer songwriting bro, don't call me Joey it's JC or Joe, a conscious poetic philosophical lgbtq activist, don't get mad or laugh at this, I'm dead serious, I tend to think I'm so mysterious, but we're all just human, got talent passion and purpose but what are u really doing, many of ya'll think I'm a whiny complainy bitch who's lazy, if perception's deception there's so much of me u ain't see, u breathe even when u don't believe, a lack of follow thru is my biggest pet peeve, we're all responsible to some degree, seems peeps can't handle my intensity I'm too intellectually deep, oh well ur loss I won't sink anymore, I'm on a whole higher existential level from being bored, fighting for equality trying to even the score, watch me learn to not only rise but magically fly and soar!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/22/16

Time's Almost Up

I can't find the right way, or what words to say, without it sounding like I'm threatening u, it's just that I'll be leaving soon, this simply isn't the place for me, but moving elsewhere won't be easy, especially since we've only recently met, uve been an absolute god sent, listening patiently like a good friend letting me vent, the thought of missing u is the reason behind the tears I wept, I'm hoping the more memories we make right now together, the longer we both will remember the pact of best gay buds forever, seems I'm pretty quick to forget, tho it could all be in my head, not trying to make it a metaphor for death, but I know myself and I don't have much time left, so do me a favor and say what needs to be said, this isn't goodbye, but please make the effort to keep in touch more than the infrequent occasional hi, I mean after Adele hello is so over, who knows maybe we will reconnect someday when we're older, can reminisce and look back and laugh, my oh my how life flies by so fast, but no matter the distance or space between us, nothing diminishes my love, just know that I cherish each and every moment with u, and don't worry my mom will make sure I come home to visit often too!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/21/16

Restart Smart

I lost my voice in fear and pain for far too long, but as I reflect back I realize just how strong, I actually am, I'm my own biggest fan, I simply forgot that, thanks for the bitch slap, I love u, I was such a fool, caught up in needless wants, jealousy kicks in so im spitefully thinking everyone fakes and flaunts, when I'm afraid I'll never find true love, I definitely don't get enough cuddles and hugs, I'm sorry I'm emotionally needy that way, but hey come on I'm gay, what is it ya'll really expect from me, but fuck it I'm finally free, I no longer seek anyone's approval except my own, I'm lucky as hell living at home, my parents are amazing people, they taught me I have the power to be good or evil, but most importantly they taught me thru leading by example, life ain't fair and u better be prepared or ull get trampled, u get far by working hard, it's ok to fall and fail as long as u restart, we've all got a lil phoenix in our hearts, this time around tho I'm trying to be smart, patience is the key virtue, and even when fam fans and friends hurt u, there's always the music, I've been blessed with this talent/gift and I intend to use it, hopefully helping others too, in case I don't say it enough to all of u who continuously put up with and support me...thank u!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/21/16

Let Light In

Truth seems associated with negativity, unfortunately it isn't always pretty, some things are impossible to comprehend, like ur arch nemesis was once a dear friend, ya'll need to prioritize better and stop flaking, I can't face my heart and soul constantly breaking, relationships are about trust loyalty and communication, why is there so much ignorant discrimination/religiously justified hating, they say love conquers all, but this time was much harder to rise after my fall, self preservation is exhausting, perhaps I'm too aggressive when courting, i feel like everyone's waiting for a prince to sweep them off their feet, doesn't seem like anyone ever settles for or sacrifices for me, the neglect and rejection makes me feel ugly, but then I get verbally bitch slapped by my buddy, when he said I'm a negative person, wish ya'll cld see why I'm emotionally hurting, my over active and analyzing mind keeps turning, I get acid reflux burning when me being nice gets misinterpreted as flirting, I'm an invisible forgettable underdog, but with a lil patience passion and perseverance just watch, fuck what u expected and thought, I will never sell out or be bought, yet I truly do believe and have faith, somehow someway someday, I will achieve hip hop success and fame, now that like Pac I understand the levels and the rules of the game, I will no longer be controlled by shame or fear, no matter how much u hurt me I will always love u and care, but I'm done seeking approval from other people, only when we unite and fight together as one can we defeat evil, corruption and greed simply shouldn't and can't win, to help get rid of this wretched deppresssive darkness we gotta let light in!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/21/16

U Need To Believe To See

Who's the person behind the traffic light, u are the wind beneath my kite, hopefully I'm about to take flight and soar, can't take this extreme boredom and loneliness anymore, time to become a whore, more concerned if I swore, or if I have a good beat, think it's about time to admit defeat, seems pointless to follow my dream, nobody wants to be on my team, trying not to wallow in self pity, but please forgive me, I feel like a worthless failure, yada yada yada nobody wants to hear ya, keep neglecting and ignoring me, stop saying here in America ur born free, life's all about money, u only get lustful love if ur a badass or u make them laugh cuz ur funny, we like the weather shouldn't always be sunny, this wretched depression has got me jealously spiteful and cunty, I'll put this bluntly I just want him to toke a blunt with me, ever around some fine hunny and u get all stuttery and clumsy, why does he make me so weak in the knees, I'm sure somebody out there agrees, instead of violence and war let's make peace by smoking trees, faith is like the air we breathe, u gotta believe, even tho it's something no one sees!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/16/16

Show Balls & Grow Guts

We've grown comfortable with entitlements, what's really a necessity is enlightenment, maybe even existential consciousness, this greedy distribution of wealth is sheer obnoxiousness, Obamacare pisses me the fuck off, our congress and government have been bought, corporate capitalistic culture irritates me to the core, the stock market like profits can't consistently exponentially keep increasing more and more, ya'll using sex to sell like a bunch of whores, i don't believe in elections the judicial system or their outdated racist basic filled with hatred laws, and while talentless fake ass bitches popularity soars, our heart's and soul's love and light diminishes it's glow, when will we learn and grow, realizing life isn't a game or show, virtual reality is disconnecting us, u may not want to stand up or make a fuss, in a lover/significant other I'm looking for both love and lust, along with an adventurous spirit who's a lil kinky with balls and guts!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/15/16

Truth Isn't Hateful

Telling the truth isn't hateful, why do u think cuz i want more I'm ungrateful, what I can't stand is undeserving icons and celebrities, and I'm not saying this out of petty envy and jealousy, drag queens are not the only form of gay entertainment, bet ur all waiting for my arraignment, when I finally go off the deep end, cuz I can no longer take this fake southern hospitality and playing pretend, donate to true talented artists, cuz maintaining motivation and passion is the hardest, most work day jobs and have careers, never making it is one of my biggest fears, my poetry and music's my hard work blood sweat and tears, all that time seems wasted since it's been nearly 7 years, and what do I have to show for it, ya'll think u understand but really don't know shit, bet u couldn't handle this, what if I actually achieve true happiness and bliss?

Peace and 1,
JC
1/11/16

Work In Progress

If ya'll won't help me raise myself up I'll bring u down, I ain't no mutha fucking clown, I'm not here for ur amusement or a laugh, I thought love and friendship meant u had my back, instead treated me like a piece of shat, yes I've got muscles and curves I'm not fat, passion and talent are two things I definitely don't lack, learn to take a compliment as well as mack, why not be Prince Charming instead of waiting for one, sweeping u off ur feet is a fairy tale hun, fantasy sure can be fun, but at the end of the day, reality has limitations and boundaries I'm afraid, but please keep dreaming away, who knows maybe someday they could come true, maybe he'll actually follow thru, tho I won't hold my breath, instead I guess I'll focus on being the best me I can be and my hip hop music success, realize with these gifts I've been blessed, my life only appears to be a mess, cuz in actuality like Brandy beautifully put it "I'm a work in progress"!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/10/16

Trying & Striving To Grow My Flow

With u all I get, is resentment and neglect, I don't normally regret but I do u, I'm such a hopeless romantic fool, a naive tool u use, humiliate and emotionally abuse, when it's convenient or helpful to u and uve got something to gain, u ate my whole cake like it was some competition/game, fuck fortune and fame, there's still so much suffering and shame, from religious persecution being gay, I'm wicked fearful and afraid, I hate how I don't fit in, I'm too jadedly spiteful to be so forgiving, feel and care way too much, I can't decide whether I want financial success or love, cuz i only see and meet unavailable people, who lie cheat steal and are straight up evil, business men with no heart or soul, I need thicker skin and patience if I'm gonna achieve my lofty goal, I believe and have hope for both, should stay steady and slow, cuz I may be a short bald homo bro, but I sure can spit some intelligent shit u know, with a hint of sarcastic wit and consciousness too tho, passionately driven trying and striving to grow my flow, practice makes perfect that's why I'm always working and rehearsing and it shows, should learn to better enjoy the ride of those highs and lows, life's a metaphorical seesaw or roller-coaster that's just how it goes!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/10/16

Mentally/Sexually Impaired

I wanna pretend u don't exist, maybe then I can start to live, u break my heart everytime u won't pick me, it's an illusion we're free, u can't help who u love, tho I want another hug, letting u go again is too hard, I need to run away far, cuz i don't know how to fake happy without u, haven't graduated relationship school, falling for an unavailable guy, my smile is a lie, at night I cry, try to close my eyes and die, like my heart does a lil each day, my soul has lost hope and faith, patience can't wait it's just too late, I've thrown in the towel and given up, no more gullible shmuch, fuck happily ever after and fairy tales, superstardom and financial success pales, in comparison to the thought of forever being alone, stuck sleeping at my folks Cranston RI home, I'm scared no one really cares, and I'm simply not strong enough to conquer my fears, the thought of u not here, makes me sit numb dumb founded in shock as I stare, wish my feelings could've been spared, sometimes I think I'm mentally/sexually impaired, I knew this is what ud do and it's not cool, u never follow thru, and proved I'm just ur tool, such a sorry excuse and an over trusting fool!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/9/16

Outgrown Home

Gonna ignore u like u do me, that's a lil reciprocity, ur silence was maddening, laziness and codependency is fattening, done keeping secrets and playing games, no more making friends with gays, men are incapable of intimacy, void of emotion literally, forget communication skills, I smoke pot instead of taking pills, even alcohol doesn't help, cigs just aren't good for ur health, most grown folks act like childish ignorant brats, congress is a bunch of old crabs hags and hacks, shrinks are quacks, pigs don't serve and protect they attack, lawyers are really liars, I trust people like tires, which means I pretty much don't, look at the lack of accountability and responsibility we allow and condone, perhaps I'm better off alone, I think like Santa I've outgrown home!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/8/16

Miseducated & Misunderstood

Leave me alone, keep screening ur phone, stop pretending ur my friend and being nice, if u don't want me in ur life, all u have to do is say so, fuck off tho bro, I'm done being used, enough with ur emotional abuse, uve drastically changed, games bring out my fangs, I hate gays like u, too greedy to choose, well I won't wait or chase, time to save up and move away, finally realized I'm done here, I'm uncomfortable with all the compromising settling out of fear, trust I won't look back, fuck quicksand and my damned past, I'm trying hard looking forward towards the future, but I sympathize more with Magneto Skeletor The Joker and Lex Luther, everything has a breaking point, ur not evil for same sex marriage or smoking a joint, why has the world gone so pc, seems we really live in the land of illusion that we're free, love lost the battle along with good, history is all miseducated and misunderstood!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/8/16

Unlovable Codependent

Why can't I find my codependent, I'm ugly is the only justifiable reason that's evident, I'm lucky if I can get a guy to hang once a week, my hip hop career and success seems bleak, apparently I'm minimal if not invisible, not expressing myself is making me miserable, all I want is to be happy, life's crappy and filled with tragedy, I'm mad at the atrocity and greed, what's wrong with me, ur man is lovely hubble, I'm a chameleon looking good shaved or unkempt with stubble, I hate to burst a bubble, but rejection feeds my greatest insecurity I'm unlovable, afterall I'm 33 and still single, always the 3rd or 5th wheel when I try to mingle, I've decided it might finally be time, to say fuck u and urs I'm focusing on me and mine!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/8/16

Why So Unfair & Cruel

Love watching others succeed, even if it's over me, we all get our turn, at some point rejected or burned, karma comes in many forms, I am definitely not a stereotype or "the norm", just trying to weather this winter storm, break the wretched curse of being born, original sin won't beat or defeat, I'm gonna go from middle to lower class and catapult to a member of the elite, I'm that talented driven and shocking, religiously the underdog so I'm used to all the snickering disbelief and mocking, sarcasm is my second language, hate capitalistic competitions where we revel in other's misfortune sorrow and anguish, god afterall seems kinda cruel, letting disease famine hunger war injustice discrimination and atrocity rule, I mean it's disgusting how fear, can have the power to cause another holocaust but this one's against queers, I'm legitimately scared, and I don't think the masses are smart or conscious enough or even really care, what if I challenged ya'll with a triple dog dare, can anbody tell me why life isn't more fair?!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/8/16

Can Love Cure The Hurt Introvert

I often stand alone quiet, internally tho there's a riot, many don't realize I'm actually an introvert, no matter what u say or portray rejection hurts, I'm constantly looking and searching for, my complimenting opposite who wants more, someone to keep me in check, I won't compromise or settle for less, than a man who understands and treats me like the best, of course there's got to be fantastic sex, but honestly I just want companionship, especially when I'm overwhelmed and can't handle shit, I want to be held and hugged and told it'll all be ok, going to bed and waking up next to u every single day, seems hard to find the light that shines the right way, wonder often if I'm meant to be in SoCal or The Bay, cuz nobody round here's on my level, being ostracized is frustrating me to completely disheveled, broken hearted with a stifled soul, don't feel I need another to make me whole, I've lost the passion faith and fight, but monogamous unconditional love in my life would be nice!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/5/16

Exist To Thrive Not Just Live

Here we go again with endless repetitive rejection, school should make us wiser more thick skinned and give us protection, teach us how to live life better, becoming depressed with this approaching winter weather, why can't I find the faith to make that leap, perhaps my trust is fractured and I no longer believe, apparently I'm all talk meak and weak, is hip hop my destiny, I'm simply a failure, not a good best friend more of an enabler, for sadists to come and hurt me, I just don't feel valuable or worthy, with a negative bank account, I hate how desperately pathetic my pity parties sound, but I don't know how else to deal, my poetry is my therapy and I vibe with music depending what I feel, I keep pinching myself to see if this shit is for real, I'm living a nightmare that sleep steals, from over thinking and caring too much, I'm a stoner which is the opposite of a lush, it's the only thing helping me remain calm, I've given up on ever finding my masculine athletic dom, my fucking prince charming, who makes time for special bonding, training me to his scent, wonder where my fantasy man went, maybe he doesn't exist, really starting to lose my passionate drive to thrive not just live!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/4/16

We're Always Wanting More

All I really want to be, is successful loved and happy, another day in a new year, watching The Golden Girls I stare, hour after hour time goes by, just wasting away the day getting high, intertwined with Oprah's Weight Watcher commercials, image is a common universal obstacle and hurdle, curiosity's got me pondering incessantly why, no matter how rejected and jaded I get I'll always at least try, we can sleep when we die, find the light and love u need deep inside, things simply work out the way they do and should, appears I'm penalized for being the nice guy who's kind and good, ever been embarrassed by randomly popping wood, u may say u would but I don't think u could, I make my fantasies become reality, there are 2 things I refuse to do casually, rap and have sex, I'm not looking for perfection or the best, can't seem to shake this feeling I'm hexed, am I ungratefully spoiled cuz i want even more tho I know I'm already enormously blessed?!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/3/16