Death Makes Me An Emotional Wreck

Of course hell exists, we're living in it, if ya'll actually analyze life, it ain't nothing but pain atrocity tragedy and strife, we all wind up dead, but true extinction is when we forget, we live on thru the minds and hearts of others, how can u be billionaires be greedy while the 98% suffers, lying and cheating, is one degree lower than killing and stealing, get what u want by hard work, don't be a smart jerk, it's still wrong even if u didn't get caught, our soul's priceless and should never be bought, stand up for what u believe in, look at the results ur yielding, but u determine what success is, shouldn't strive for perfection or to be the bestest, I'm ok with above average, my life isn't less valuable cuz I didn't have kids or a marriage, I know I am worthy, both God and the universe have burned me, but I'm still here, I refuse to be ruled by fear, it isn't easy trying to stay positive, negativity like sexuality shouldn't be closeted, nobody is happy all the time, stop saying ur fine, especially if ur not, gotta give ur passion everything uve got, or else dreams won't come true, put urself in someone else's shoes, before u criticize or judge, life's way too short to hold a grudge, love is stronger than hate, do u think there's free will or a predestined fate, that answer decides who holds the power, what do u want to accomplish before ur final hours, there isn't enough emphasis on developing a legacy, do u want to be kept alive artificially/medically, cremated or buried, did school actually help get u adult ready, lately I've been all over the place, must remember life is a journey not a race, don't compare urself to ur peers, there's no better high than tons of applause compliments and cheers, u can't recapture ur youth, ur not helping hiding the truth, remain genuine open and honest, it's overwhelming being an indy artist, money is the biggest issue, I woke up this morning needing a tissue, cuz I kept dreaming about Jeff, I'm such an emotional mess, but I'll cherish the fond memories, refrain from making enemies, by simply doing the right thing, never give up and let the fight win, find some inner peace, strive to go farther than u can reach, "Beyond The Stars", are women really from Venus and men from Mars, it's kind of logical, we need to pick better role models, fuck Trump, Bernie should've won, now we're extremely divided, how have we become so numb and misguided, forgetting to learn from our past history, humanity's survival is very much a mystery, with nuclear weapons galore, I never understood the allure of war, what does it solve, why can't we existentially elevate and evolve, enough is enough already people, please don't let the whole globe get destroyed and corrupted by evil!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/30/18

Everything Isn't Always Colorful Or Wonderful

It's been a rough week, to say the least, but it's getting really old, why are God the universe and karma so cold, like they enjoy seeing us suffer and squirm, I don't need tragedy to learn, I am perfectly capable of evolving, handling conflict and problem solving, without having to fail, sometimes I get so angry I actually wail, I'm so sick of life, all the pain plight and strife, it's just never-ending, the ghosting defriending and benching, it's almost too much to bare, and nobody really cares, cuz they're tired of my bitching and complaining, I understand it's annoying and draining, but I go above and beyond for other people, the lack of reciprocity is unbelievable, for them to say they didn't ask, please don't make me laugh, it doesn't excuse u from being indebted, why are guilt and shame so embedded, I have this inane inability to say no, when do I get to reap what I sow, I've worked long and hard, gave all my soul and heart, yet it isn't enough, I'm unsuccessful at both music and love, so I ask myself what is the fucking point, I wanna smoke a fat ass blunt or joint, then contemplate existential questions, when ur stuck in a rut it's impossible to see and appreciate any blessings, I've run out of time patience and luck, I have this extreme insatiable appetite of unfulfilled horniness and lust, I need some kinky sex, feel like my relationship is hexed, every day goes by and nothing's changed, except I'm more bitter jaded combative and enraged, I want compliments and credit, imagine if we could go back to edit, mistakes wouldn't happen, I'd forego college to pursue rapping, it sucks being such a late bloomer, perhaps I should take over for my dad and be a dog breeder/boarder/groomer, I simply want my future to be financially sustainable and secure, takes tremendous strength to avoid being consumed by fame's allure, even tho I know it's imperative, to move forward less negative, something has got to give, I'm frustrated and pissed, that everybody else gets to take and take and take, I hate the spoiled fakes and flakes, getting my hopes and expectations up, ya'll don't have half my drive or guts, but receive no empathy or compassion, keep waiting for action, when we have the power to make fate, given free will and a blank slate, unless u believe in predestiny, human's are responsible regrettably, since by nature we're fallible, the word war isn't palatable, violence can't be the answer, perhaps we're in fact a type of cancer, maybe Earth is just a snow globe, do u ever wanna go rogue, run away and hide, close ur eyes and die, those aren't good thoughts, I pretend to be butterflies and moths, depending on if I'm feeling colorful, wish I was genuinely happy and wonderful, but the truth is I'm not, probably won't be very long now before I'm replaced by a robot!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/29/18

Stop Waiting On The Other Shoe To Drop

Accidents happen, but is God up there laughing, cuz I feel like he's a sadistic prick, an outright asshole/dick, there are so many flaws in creation, him and I need mediation, we've got issues, it's always neglect or abuse, who's the Gemini here, death provokes extreme fear, I'm tired of the universe fucking with me, work's life sucking ain't free, in fact I make out in the deal, but I swear taxes are imposed to legally steal, our government is so fucked up and corrupt, citizens are about to erupt, they no longer serve the people, while our president is the very definition of evil, a ruthless business man, every election I'm like "what is this sham", it's not even about the popular vote, runs our country like it's a reality tv show, quite frankly I'm disgusted, Amazon and Walmart are even invading the rural and rustic, technology's making humanity obsolete, black folks still can't really trust cops and police, there's so much systemic racism discrimination and prejudice, sometimes sheer existence seems incredulous, too many unanswerable questions, how can atrocity be perceived as a blessing, rock bottom sucks, what if ur consistently down on ur luck, stuck in rut, and got the awful feeling in ur gut, just waiting for the other shoe to drop, can this curse be stopped, is the point of life to die, do I even believe in an invisible man in the sky, who was magically able to resurrect and rise, could miraculously turn water into wine, but also heals and cleanses, empathy's about seeing things from other perspectives and lenses, open ur mind's eye, of course we can all fly, there's Southwest Delta and United, perhaps tragedy is needed for a spark or flame to be ignited, light inevitably conquers darkness, don't sell ur soul or become numb and heartless, like Mariah sings "gotta keep the faith", "and love will be there to guide the way", having hope is the key, shouldn't focus on how long is eternity, ull simply stress urself out, be brave bout and don't be afraid to help shout, our collective voice is super strong, in time history will tell what was virtuously righteous and true or wrong, it is pretty much common sense, it's ok to make mistakes fail and fall if u take responsibility learn and repent, sorrow and forgiveness are important, we all need a support system and reinforcements, "we get by with a little help from our friends", be sure to respect elders and ur rents, they are full of wisdom, Earth is our kingdom, like our bodies are temples we must take care of them, tho I often wonder if we are born again, reincarnated and recycled, some say my generation is spoiled and entitled, whatever our future holds, always try ur best to achieve dreams and goals but enjoy the journey as it unfolds!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/28/18 

Let's Assess This Where Success Is

I need to change my ways, having lots of trouble these days, my anxiety is always thru the roof, the next level seems to be aloof, no matter what I try, I can't crossover to the other side, to where success is, let's collectively assess this, I double majored and got a BA in college, got years of work experience common sense and street knowledge, I'm very well traveled, but my goal's future's becoming unraveled, how do I make it as an emcee/rapper, I wanna celebrate be happy and find laughter, lately I've been consumed by gloom and doom, maybe it's time to take shrooms, trip and live a little, am I the grape skittle, u know the one no one likes, why is our relationship defined by fights, it's like my life ghosted me, I'm a late bloomer while ya'll progress precociously, and boy am I stubborn, or a punishment glutton, constantly reimagining anecdotes, trying to provide inspiration insight truth love and hope, cuz everything appears dark and dreary, people are hanging on by a thread barely, it's quite scary, and I consider myself a brave radical fairy, my partner must learn to share me, this light shouldn't be dimmed, let's start over and rebegin, I know I can do much better, let's write each other more love letters, I want to make u feel special, cuz ur super sexy and insanely incredible, but now somehow I've neglected myself, I seriously need help, therapy and meds aren't enough, what if we're perpetually cursed with bad luck, there's a limit to how much shit a person can take, I guess we can all be fake, everything in moderation right, do u think it's impossible to do hip hop if ur gay and white, is there some kind of unspoken rule I never knew, it's 2018 I figured there'd already at least be a few, #metoo, why do minorities lose, women of course as the majority are the exception, what if existence is inception, how do we know if we're in the matrix or real and awake, one inexplicable question I can't shake, what came first the egg or the chicken, do u ever wish u could give God a good ass kicking, I'm not trying to be funny, why do we repeatedly sacrifice happiness for money, thinking we can buy it, who came up with the idea to deep fry shit, there are so many magnificent anomalies and divine wonders, humanity's original sin creates thunderous blunders, just look at global warming, imagine if oil came with a warning, produces smog which kills the ozone and mother nature, technological inventions are supposed to make us more efficient and society greater, not used for evil, every single person alive should be treated regal, with a certain decency and respect, technically we're all cops and it's our job to serve and protect, remember it takes a village, don't rape kill loot or pillage, but patience is the ultimate virtue, be careful tho cuz karma will still come back around and hurt u!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/27/18 

Done Dating Deadbeats/The Great Divide

I can admit my flaws mistakes and defeat, done dating deadbeats, users and moochers, insecure semi closeted paranoid losers, who never accept responsibility, act all kiddishly silly, grow the fuck up, cuz everyone hits patches of bad luck, that's life, filled with pain plight and strife, getting cheated on and hurt bites, but doesn't give u permission or the right, to continue the vicious cycle, because of him I don't feel talented enough to tryout for The Voice or American Idol, abuse comes in various forms, he gaslighted me so long it became norm, but I'm better now, I don't really know exactly how, yet like Pac says "still I rise", he manipulates guilt trips and lies, relationships are all about communication and compromise, sick of him walking away as he quietly avoids and hides, at this point I'd rather be alone, than be with someone who can't even fit in time with me on the phone, his folks are anti gay, filling him up with rejection mistrust and hate, unfortunately he has never known what true unconditional love is, I'd forgive him in a heartbeat with a simple sorry hug and kiss, god damn it too u fool, I want some steamy hot sex with my boo, like we used to do, but after all the shit we've gone thru, it seems like the fight to stay together's just a waste, why couldn't he try to make more of an effort to change, what's funny is him calling me lazy, sick of him telling me I'm crazy, when he's the one misremembering or making false assumptions, he's got a lot of ballsy gumption, to question me and my past, he's a pain in the ass crass trash with only sarcasm and sass, it's his defense mechanism to hide behind insults and criticism, yes Judgmental Judy never listens, just lays down the law, he's depressed and unhappy cuz he's broke at home again lonely and bored, since he can't drive, and most of his supposed friends are shocked he's even alive, he's def a hunky junky, prefers me to be his chunky monkey, or Italian meatball, health is how u sleep and eat ya'll, take care of urself, don't be afraid to ask for help, I could care less about lack of wealth, does a love life also have a shelf, when is enough enough, monogamy is rough and tough, but totally worth it, to me he was absolutely perfect, he couldn't see he was getting in our way, existence isn't about all work and no play, everyday he's in a bad mood, has this irritated annoyed attitude, misdirecting and projecting his anger, when we broke up he said if we saw each other out to pretend we're strangers, he can't be my friend, when will this torture end, why can't I simply let go, perhaps he curses the day he met Joe, but I cherish the memories, I prefer not to have enemies, and I don't cut people out ghost or bench, I'll miss the stench of his presence, wish things turned out differently, I was always there for him instantly and willingly, when nobody else was, my goatee needs to be buzzed, cuz it's another reminder of him, giving up on love is the ultimate sin, I refuse to lose hope and faith, I will no longer wait for those slow fake flakes, many people talk the dreams, yet their walk has no steam, so victimized and unmotivated, bitter envious jealousy has hypnotized ya'll numb and jaded, while I'm elevating evolving moving on and forward toward a bright exciting future, open but not looking for better partners and suitors, imagine if humans could be spayed and neutered, what if the world's marriage gurus became counselors and tutors, maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high, right now we are at a period I like to call "The Great Divide"!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/16/18

Respectfully Cherish & Mourn Jeff's Gone

Death's destiny, but there isn't one single childhood memory, that does't include Jeff, at least the moments I cherish best, he was a great person and an even better dad, altho he wasn't my own his passing is equally tragic and sad, I'm still kind of in shock, guess that clock does go tick tock, like my pops says all the time, when the page with ur name on it comes up in ur book there's no reason or rhyme, while we're left behind, always treat people kind, cuz u don't know what they're going thru, yes u can literally walk in another person's shoes, but metaphorically speaking, let's celebrate Jeff's spirit leaving, finally at peace, with other loved ones who've deceased, hope u can find some comfort in that, nobody has the power to bring him back, now we have an angel watching over us, making him proud is another reason to follow passions and guts, I don't wanna rule the world I wanna lead it, why don't ya'll deeply feel shit, guys sympathize too, they simply aren't emotionally wooed or ruled, I'm sorry not sorry if ya'll are uncouth, or if u can't handle the truth, life is hard, u gotta be both book and street smart, cuz one will only get u so far, don't u wanna leave a long lasting legacy or an epic mark, I know I do for sure, it doesn't make me a bad guy for wanting it all or more, I'm overzealously driven, isn't being extremely stubborn as an Italian Gemini a given, basically common sense, can someone tell me where our soul went, or our collective conscious conscience, we must always fight for loved ones the fallen and forgotten, cuz soldiers are the real heroes, toeing the front line facing ground zero, visualizing war, more than half don't even know what they're fighting for, all that blood and gore, lifeless bodies galore washed ashore, it's all devastatingly stunning, innocents' cries and screams while running from blazing and roaring gunning, it's utter chaos and sheer fear, nobody's spared, even millions who weren't even there, anyone who uve ever touched cares, even those faces of names u can't remember, or the stranger u smiled at and it made their day better, u must take responsibility for urself, raising kids takes a village's help, Jeff was the Patriarch of his family, he always spoke sarcastically but candidly, I'll miss his intense presence, behind that rough exterior he was optimistically pragmatic and pleasant, always busy quietly doing stuff, even in crisis he was cool calm collected yet tough, he loved taking care of the pool, and having a huge trampoline was the crown jewel, playing home run derby capture the flag hide and go seek basketball and volleyball too, looking back lately I've been such a spoiled fool/tool, having grown up on a dead end street, gives me a ridiculously lucky history that can't be beat, with so many kids around the same age, those weren't just the good but the great ole days, what happened to them, for the next generations' sake I hope we get them again, I think Jeff would want it that way, for his friends and family I pray, respectfully cherish and mourn, try to stay strong, tho I know he's gone, he continues to live on, thru sharing our stories of him, right now I'm picturing Jeff cracking a joke and that grin, still can't believe I'm saying R.I.P., way more than just a neighbor or friend u were like a second father to me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/9/18 

Way Gay Certified & Nerdified Rap God

Could God stop his silent treatment and just tell me what to do, why so much atrocity pain and suffering we all go thru, maybe instead of resting on the 7th day he should've spent that on compassion, if he exists when will he take some action, seems evil has conquered good, and just when u think we're out of the woods, something else bad happens, do u think the Lord's looking down on us laughing, enjoying watching us squirm, repeat history cyclically cuz we never learn, does He really expect us to pray and pay homage, I swear Earth is a prison and bodies are our soul's bondage, we're simply trapped, "footprints in the sand" implies He's got our back, we're supposed to believe in faith, how is our destiny truly made, free will or divine intervention, heaven hell purgatory or reincarnation weren't mentioned, what's after death, bright white lights angels loved ones or a deep dark quiet black nothingness, there's exponential answers aloof to humanity, why is rap all about misogyny ghetto gangster mentality and profanity, can't artists mature grow elevate evolve and get wise, stop with the gimmicky tricky lies and image/reputation compromise, be yourself, knowing ur strong suit skills and what u want helps, dreams can turn to reality, if u don't let hope tragically      become a casualty, let ur passions thrive, living isn't just being alive, take chances and risks, gotta get ur head out of the sand mind out the gutter and ur feelings out the abyss, quit it with the shameful embarrassed repression, getting a job can lift u out that depression, so ur not bored all the damn time, I don't agree with the saying it pays to be kind, actually assholes make more, like drug dealers and whores, when looking in the mirror what do u see, a reflection of someone ur proud to be, totally independent and free, unconsumed by fame and greed, or is ur smile not as genuine as it may seem, I'm too competitively stubborn to accept defeat, unfortunately failure is common, could u survive on pb&j sandwiches mac and cheese beer and ramen, take a trip down memory lane at college, what's more important street smarts or book knowledge, can we have it all, am I glutton for punishment getting up again and again after I fall, a masochist who self sabotages, I give fab massages, altho I never got licensed or certified, when did cool become gay or nerdified, I have trouble with the idea that every day is blessing, even religious extremists are messing I'm guessing, if they say their perfect, do ya'll think the elderly handicapped or poor are worth it, how bout we're all equal, do u too get annoyed by sheeple, where are the revolutionary leaders, or the sooth sayers fortune tellers and seers, can they exist, the universe took a huge shift, but in the opposite wrong direction, perhaps we're a cancerous infection, destroying everything in our path, it sucks to be a lovey dovey romantic chivalrous nice guy who always finishes last!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/8/18

Forever Ever & Always Bubba

I know we fight an awful lot
But I give u all the light I've got
When ur lost in the dark
Follow the beating of  my bleeding heart
We're connected at the soul
Without u there's a huge hole
And I feel so incomplete
Losing u means I must accept defeat
My life ain't the same unless ur in it
Our relationship status is no one else's business
Please let's just forgive each other
Go back to when we were unconditional lovers
I need u in my life
To help deaql with the endless pain and strife
I trust u completely
Let's share the responsibility equally
Neither one of us are perfect
However we are absolutely both worth it
Maybe on day our situation will change
But I will still love u bubba forever ever and always


Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/6/18

Both Deserve Better Cuz We're Not Happy Together

U walked away for the last time, perhaps I've been too generous forgiving and kind, all I feel is neglected and used, I'm sick of this abuse, let's look at our individual histories, I have life long connections while urs are a mystery, go ahead and cut me out ur life, it just proves I'm right, at least I had the balls to fight, I'm amazed with all ur negativity how I even still have some love and light, we can't be soulmates since u don't have a soul, ur so superficial u know, ur never romantic or get deep, u won't sow but expect to reap, I may be cheep, but at least I can drive a jeep, I'm not ur errand bitch, I don't like ur hypocritical double standards one bit, ur completely delusional and misremember facts and order of events, I'm sick of listening to u complain but u won't let me vent, u rant and rave thru texts, but ur shallow stories are moderately boring at best, u tell me things like this person hit on u like I care, I don't let my relationships be ruled by fear, I trust u 100 percent, there u go falsely accusing me of lying cheating and talking to other men again, why can't u stop with the assumptions, u have some nerve and gumption, to say I don't care, don't u fucking dare, let's look at who brings what to the table, I am fully capable and able to be self sufficient and sustainable, I can achieve fulfilling both my wants and needs, I go after my passions and dreams, I'm done be punished, ur not even remotely funnish, now u expect me to be a sober prude recluse, it's always some lame excuse, I'm sick of ur unemployment and health issues, I've damn near run out of tissues, I refuse to keep sweeping problems under the rug, in this situation my love just ain't enough, I hate the silent treatment and quiet games, along with driving in general but especially at night or in snow or rain, I can't stand ur prejudiced parents, ull never ever change and that's apparent, u make me so angry and give me anxiety, I've been there thru thick and thin and always made u my #1 priority, but wasn't appreciated, I feel devalued and depreciated, ever since we met, it's been nothing but bickering criticism insults and threats, perhaps we're simply not compatible, ur effort's been laughable, if heartbreaking was funny, when will u reimburse me all that borrowed money, u probably won't, dating ex addicts who've been cheated on before isn't condoned, don't even invest ur energy, guess since we can't be together I'm ur enemy, I'm sure this for u is similar to how it's always ended, I'll soon be blocked and unfriended, I know it might seem hard to tell, but I do love u wish u well, maybe someday ull figure out the things u really want, cuz I feel completely misled strung along and conned, I am getting help, but u make me feel so bad about myself, I'm a genuine good decent person, uve got me so vengefully enraged I wanna return all the hurting, cuz no matter what I do, ur bossy controlling vindictive sarcastic and rude, u have a flawed and screwed truth, wish u would fade disappear and become aloof, out of sight out of mind, think it's important for me to be single mingle and see what else I can find, we both deserve better, we're obviously not happy together. 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/2/18

Even A Putz Of A Dunce Lives Once

Some months and years are better than others, apparently I talk in my sleep snore hogging all the pillows and covers, I don't like to annoyingly nag judgmentally criticized or motherly hover, I shudder at the thought of winding up poor in the gutter, I've got too much talent drive and ambition, but how do I make the transition, from average Joe Shmo to successful hip hop superstar, not interested in big houses bling bling or fancy stupid cars, but because my kinky fetishes are kept quietly clandestine, I gotta ask ya'll this one mildly deep wicked personal damn question, what makes u horny enough to get off, more than half ya'll jaws would drop ud be offended or shockingly cough, that's if u didn't simply walk away or punch my lights out, some people's natural defense mechanism is to run their mouths while others bout, personally I never thought war or violence solved any issue, I'd rather smoke a blunt instead then hug and kiss u, continue to spread Truth, Love & Consciousness, what is with all this cognitive obnoxiousness, constant hating and discriminating, embarrassment/shaming from failing needs eliminating, get off ur moral high horses faking happy all smug, why's a rapper gotta be a gangster or a trailer park uneducated thug, pushing misogyny vulgarities and drugs, I'm from middle class america a college educated masculine gay white guy and it sucks, no one gives me a chance opportunity nor respect, music fans are fickle and quickly forget, how much hard work dedication and money it takes, thinking my career was handed to me on a silver platter/gold plate, so much assumption, balls guts gall and gumption, believing what u read makes u an expert that knows me, sit back relax and let ur mind go free, follow my lyrical lead, listen to and be moved by my soul food please, I leave my heart blood sweat and tears on that stage, being caged makes us enraged, decrease in value as we age, I won't calm down counting to 10 breathing sniffing sage, when will society be paid a livable wage, we're basically robotic slaves, doing repetitive monotonous shit for countless days, I understand no one said life was fair, but I dare u to care, we're all here and have fear, no one's invincibly spared, why only appreciate me and my art after I die, do u believe in celebrities being Illuminati or double o spies, I fight for what's right, letting my love and light shine bright, helping the forgotten see thru the darkness, giving up wealth along with its financial safety and security is the hardest, u can't take it all to the grave, sometimes I find u should be brave and misbehave, break laws and rules, after all existence religious history could be a ruse, don't manifest destiny that we're screwed, even tho we've been persecuted and abuse, good will triumph over evil, stop being ignorant feeble sheeple, stand up and achieve, ur hopes wishes and dreams, it may be improbable but nothing is impossible, unyielding strength and faith is what makes heroes unstoppable, never give up, cuz u can change ur luck, just gotta risk and take a chance, enjoy every moment rejoice smile celebrate sing and dance, we only live once, so try not to regretfully sit on the sidelines u putz of a dunce!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/1/18