I can admit my flaws mistakes and defeat, done dating deadbeats, users and moochers, insecure semi closeted paranoid losers, who never accept responsibility, act all kiddishly silly, grow the fuck up, cuz everyone hits patches of bad luck, that's life, filled with pain plight and strife, getting cheated on and hurt bites, but doesn't give u permission or the right, to continue the vicious cycle, because of him I don't feel talented enough to tryout for The Voice or American Idol, abuse comes in various forms, he gaslighted me so long it became norm, but I'm better now, I don't really know exactly how, yet like Pac says "still I rise", he manipulates guilt trips and lies, relationships are all about communication and compromise, sick of him walking away as he quietly avoids and hides, at this point I'd rather be alone, than be with someone who can't even fit in time with me on the phone, his folks are anti gay, filling him up with rejection mistrust and hate, unfortunately he has never known what true unconditional love is, I'd forgive him in a heartbeat with a simple sorry hug and kiss, god damn it too u fool, I want some steamy hot sex with my boo, like we used to do, but after all the shit we've gone thru, it seems like the fight to stay together's just a waste, why couldn't he try to make more of an effort to change, what's funny is him calling me lazy, sick of him telling me I'm crazy, when he's the one misremembering or making false assumptions, he's got a lot of ballsy gumption, to question me and my past, he's a pain in the ass crass trash with only sarcasm and sass, it's his defense mechanism to hide behind insults and criticism, yes Judgmental Judy never listens, just lays down the law, he's depressed and unhappy cuz he's broke at home again lonely and bored, since he can't drive, and most of his supposed friends are shocked he's even alive, he's def a hunky junky, prefers me to be his chunky monkey, or Italian meatball, health is how u sleep and eat ya'll, take care of urself, don't be afraid to ask for help, I could care less about lack of wealth, does a love life also have a shelf, when is enough enough, monogamy is rough and tough, but totally worth it, to me he was absolutely perfect, he couldn't see he was getting in our way, existence isn't about all work and no play, everyday he's in a bad mood, has this irritated annoyed attitude, misdirecting and projecting his anger, when we broke up he said if we saw each other out to pretend we're strangers, he can't be my friend, when will this torture end, why can't I simply let go, perhaps he curses the day he met Joe, but I cherish the memories, I prefer not to have enemies, and I don't cut people out ghost or bench, I'll miss the stench of his presence, wish things turned out differently, I was always there for him instantly and willingly, when nobody else was, my goatee needs to be buzzed, cuz it's another reminder of him, giving up on love is the ultimate sin, I refuse to lose hope and faith, I will no longer wait for those slow fake flakes, many people talk the dreams, yet their walk has no steam, so victimized and unmotivated, bitter envious jealousy has hypnotized ya'll numb and jaded, while I'm elevating evolving moving on and forward toward a bright exciting future, open but not looking for better partners and suitors, imagine if humans could be spayed and neutered, what if the world's marriage gurus became counselors and tutors, maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high, right now we are at a period I like to call "The Great Divide"!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/16/18
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