Aren't a birthday and mixtape cause for celebration, then why am I wallowing in self loathing and hating, i get that it's just sex, but why does it seem I'm cursed or hexed, I'm tired of bored and alone, even the house I grew up in doesn't feel like my own home, my faith is running low, it's getting harder and harder to have hope, I used to look forward to another year, this time around I'm consumed by fear, caught in this quicksand of depression, wish a record label wld see I'm such a good investment, maybe then a guy wld too, instead of riding solo again like a lonely fool, i wonder if it's me they laugh at, well look who came crawling back, RI makes me feel inferior and trapped, constantly reminded of what everyone else has but I lack, like money family a house or a successful career, while ur at it wanna make fun of me for my man boobs and lack of hair, why do I care so much, when nobody else gives a fuck, perhaps I am a naive idealistic nut/shmuck, but when will I get a chance to enjoy true love?!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
5/23/15
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