Isn't everything a long shot, and as I grew up I forgot, how to live and dream, nothing is really as it seems, responsibility is inevitable, I see it as the devil, I don't want it, am I even fit, when I look in the mirror, it all becomes unclearer, what is the fucking point, actually I'm rather annoyed, time hasn't healed any wounds, it wasn't until Wallace I swooned, do I deserve love tho, drowning in my own dug hole, can a person replace another, perhaps I've existed undercover, now I just feel invisible, success has been minimal, so it's hard to be consistently persistent, can't imagine having a manager agent or assistant, yet I'm overwhelmed often, mostly envisioning urns and coffins, I can't bring myself to visit their grave sight, my darkness hates light, but that's all they say I am, why don't I agree that I can, strangers often believe, so how come I can't agree, only in death do I feel my mom will see me, from my roots I'll be freed, her wings will help me fly, loved ones surround us when they die, like a force field protecting us, I only hope to start electing guts, cuz my mind and heart are tired and broken, all the apologies and affirmations spoken, haven't worked, the regret and resentment exacerbates the painful hurt, I cant take back or fix the mistakes, I don't want to become consumed by gloom and hate, but how, and what am I supposed to do now, so alone, fully grown, scared as hell, I won't dare to share or tell, cuz truth's subjective, maybe I've always been over protected, even spoiled privileged and coddled, too ticklish being fondled, sensitive to any touch, perpetually told I'm too much, stay bent, trying to diminish being intense, when I finally let go, my ultimate wish is to find the best Joe!
Joe Conscious
11/30/22
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