Thursday, February 22, 2018

Are We Naive Or Plain Stupid

Ya'll need professional help, if u think we're victimizing ourselves, just to throw our gay agenda in ur face, intolerant religious extremists are a fucking disgrace, it's not even a lil political, actually ur hypocritical, which conservatives say liberals are, ur whole mentality is a farce, incomprehensible and illogical, do u really think Trump is the ideal role model, America is not a business, is anyone else asking what is this, how did we get this far gone, democracy isn't something I'm ready to mourn, I still have hope and faith, that somehow someway things will change, go back to normal, instead of divisiveness we'll be polite and cordial, learn to agree to disagree, go back to being the land of the free, and not just speech, but with the opportunity to strive and reach, dreams can become a reality, as long as belief doesn't become a casualty, the only person u have to prove anything to is u, it isn't what u say but if ur brave enough to do, otherwise ull be filled with regret, always try to give ur best, that's how u measure success, don't hide behind sarcasm and jest, it's not an excuse to be lazy nor complacent, if u wait til ur old and ancient, u might not have the energy or strength, to go the distance or length, and achieve those goals, do u feel fulfilled deep within ur soul, happiness can be found, even after uve failed or fallen down, in fact it's more profound, fuck the amount in ur bank account, it isn't indicative of the true value or worth of life, there's no competition or prize for who has overcome the most pain plight and strife, we all go thru shit, whatever higher power exists seems sadistically abusive, but we must also take responsibility too, for acting a silly fool, mistakes and accidents happen, I don't thing God's looking down laughing, still I can't help but wonder why, the level of awful atrocity and tragedy can't subside, perhaps maybe humanity, is synonymous with insanity/calamity, we never seem to learn, the truth is often hard to discern, even tho history repeats, will capitalism ever meet defeat, no one person should have more than a billion dollars, what happened to revolutionary artists and scholars, our government's been corrupted, like a volcano evil has erupted, guess good finally lost, apparently was bought but at what cost, we sold our hearts, and become numb slave-like robots, hard work no longer pays, are we approaching the end of days, why don't we heed the warning, of man made problems like debt and global warming, are we that naive or plain stupid, homos haven't destroyed the sanctity of marriage or killed cupid, shouldn't we all have the natural right to love, when is enough enough, please before it's too late, we need to make our fate great, the power is within us, we just must find the courage and guts, what sort of legacy do ya'll want to leave, are we that gullibly easy to deceive, looking back on the past what do u see, do one small deed and plant a seed, nourish it and watch it grow, after all we really ought to know, as the infamous saying goes, we only reap what we sow!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/22/18

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Growing Pains As We Fall From Grace

I literally fell down the stairs, and both my folks were concerned and scared, even tho I'm only 35, there's no age u can't die, it may seem like I'm over exaggerating the circumstances, but it will be a while before this body works out stretches or dances, I laid flat on my back, hours on a heating pad, thank god for Aleve, making it possible for me to get a good night sleep, what sucks is I was just getting over the flu, seems no matter what I do I'm screwed, this was such a stupid incident, it was really silly and innocent, was simply going to get myself a drink, it's not like I was on an ice rink, perhaps socks on carpet weren't a good idea, now I'm consumed by paranoia and fear, every time now, I wonder how, I could've been so foolish, ignorant and toolish, believing I was invincible, do u ever wish u were invisible, totally immune to damages, never needing bandages, cuz u can't be scraped or scarred, this administration needs to be impeached and disbarred, so much corruption, the balls and gumption, is actually quite astonishingly shocking, SNL is having a field day knocking and mocking, it's a comedian's wet dream, what would be ur ultimate best team, Olivia vs. Annalise, who's the bigger beast, both are brilliant powerful women, maybe they can fix what men didn't, like society and fairness, when did government become fiscally careless, not to mention our elections, our democracy used to have check and balance protections, but they're being slowly eroded, seems like rational progressive common sensed thinking people have folded, America's thrown out all logic and reason, we may never know if there's real collusion or treason, seems the dark ages are cyclically circling around again, there's division even among family and friends, we're officially a mess, everyone's overworked frustrated and stressed, nobody can get ahead, baby boomers are more valuable dead, and poor gen x, won't have much more success, while the millennials will be stuck in outrageous debt, what if the expression was u give what u get, instead of the reverse, maybe humanity is cursed, I know we're born with original sin, but when does the 99% get a chance to win, we've been shitted on, outwitted and conned, trying to do what's right, what if all minorities were to unite and fight, perhaps then good would reconquer evil, the world is over populated with too many sheeple, where are all the revolutionary leaders, inspirational/motivational speakers, like MLK Tupac or Harvey Milk, progress isn't smooth like butter or silk, it's bumpy and bloody, the future is neither funny or sunny, maybe these are just growing pains, as we fall from grace, while we become robotic slaves, I think things will get much much worse before we collectively awake and change!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/21/18 

Monday, February 12, 2018

Wrestling WIth Reflection

When it comes to true love is forgiveness limitless, I can see our future happily-ever-after lives together forever with such wicked vividness, whenever I'm with him, I feel we can simply rebegin, start all over again, maybe this time slow things down and first be best friends, minus the financial responsibility, perhaps then there won't be constant instability, bickering and stupid fights, it could be we simply aren't compatibly right, like we initially thought, certain kinks and fetishes can't be taught, sometimes not even understood, I wish I could have sex like a normal person should, and not have all these rap superstar dreams, I've taken the time to find out my wants and needs, lived life, gone thru heartache pain and strife, made many many mistakes, failed and caught breaks, I'm both book and street smart, got tons of empathy soul and a big heart, but nice guys finish last, why am I so haunted by my past, it doesn't matter now, I keep asking myself who what when where and how, I'm shrouded by a dark cloud, why does it seem I'm not allowed, like success is impervious to me, if the best things in life are free, I only got the worst, he's gone for 2 weeks and it hurts, guess I was wrong, didn't know what I had til it was gone, altho he'll be back, what about the trust we lack, for a month we've been apart, going back and forth over what was the start, blaming one another, sinking to new lows deep in the gutter, hitting below the waist, reacting out of anger in haste, saying horrible things we didn't mean, perhaps we're missing the relationship gene, or maybe we're cursed, have u too been fucked over by the universe, that karma is a bitch, sometimes people need to find their groove or niche, the purpose or reason they exist, sooner or later we all need to stop resorting to tricks and gimmicks, there are no short cuts to success, I think everybody is secretly a mess, some just know how to fake it well, say shit's swell, hiding behind a wide smile, wish destiny and fate were unbridled, but they aren't, I'm the pacifist type showing up to war unarmed, at least without guns knives or bombs, it's amazing how a person's energy soothes and calms, almost like magic, yes loss is tragic, but much is learned, I'm impatient for my turn, my 15 minutes, we just started how can we already be finished, let's give u and I, one last try, I'm not gonna lie, I've gotten many sighs and rolled eyes, but it's ok tho, that's the way it goes, we can agree to disagree, please no I told u sos or pity, let's act like adults, was ur gay marriage peacefully divorced or annulled, that's what we get, hetero-normatively hexed, perhaps it's just not meant to be, all we can do is wait and see, oh the mystery of history's reflection, it's like watching Lucifer and Jesus wrestling, the never ending battle between good and evil, sorry not sorry but neither of us care about the opinions of other people, nor their judgments, why make drama where there wasn't, social media definitely doesn't help, we needed to take time to focus on bettering ourselves!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/12/18

Friday, February 2, 2018

Art Inspired By My Proverbial Teardrop/Needle

I have many parts to my heart, some belong to just me while others I share thru art, but that's only one lil piece, a teardrop lost in a sea, don't take shit out of context, sometimes I miss the mark and don't jest my best, my sarcasticness comes off all wrong, everything in life inspires poems and songs, but I need to learn when to use my mouth, better pick my bouts, gotta shut up, cuz my gut simply doesn't give 2 fucks, what other people think, this violet doesn't shrivel or shrink, sorry not sorry ur life stinks, I'm jealous of those who can wink, and have a nice head of hair, let's play strip truth or dare, get to really know each other, we can be best friends and lovers, tell our deepest darkest fantasies secrets and crazy dreams, I wanna find my other half to complete our team, existence is much more difficult alone, I grew up in an amazing home, both parents a sister and a huge extended family, why do ya'll act manipulative and underhandedly, even if u get what u want u didn't earn it, haven't u figured it out yet there's no such thing as balanced or perfect, it's a motivational illusion like religion, I feel like Earth is a complex prison system, trapped like our conscious soul is to our body, what happened to the good old fashioned keg party, the internet's made everyone antisocial, I can't help it I'm overemotional, super deep analytical and a lil prophetically profound, I'm relatable, ready willing able and capable, to become an epic classic legendary fairy-tail/fable, it takes work to stay mentally stable and financially sustainable, existence isn't cheap, when u sow u reap, that's why hindsight's a bitch, do u ever have an impossible to scratch itch, where u just can't reach, some things u can't teach and shouldn't preach, certain experiences need to be had, to truly understand a lesson or reason why good or bad, we may have free will but not total control, what's worse drinking and smoking cigs versus a blunt bong rips or a few bowls, marijuana isn't evil sheeple, will u prove urselves to be weak gullible and feeble, the US is a haystack Kevin was a needle, maybe time passing will help to heal, they do say to let love go and see if it comes back, perhaps we've had too tumultuous of a past, I thought our relationship together would forever last, but situations and paths change fast, before we know it we're headed in completely different directions, u can't save me by overprotecting, even tho I'm sad and hope it isn't over, finally breaking apart peacefully is a relief/weight off my shoulders!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/2/18

Thursday, February 1, 2018

There's No Hope Time To Let Him Go

Said what I needed to say, but I still don't wanna just push u away, chalk it up to bad timing, I gotta concentrate on paying bills and rhyming, everything else comes second, I came running every time u called or beckoned, but it was never enough, u always questioned the extent of my love, ur past relationships ruined ur ability to trust, I think at first we were consumed by lust, but our roles weren't compatible, our bickering was laughable, but I never questioned our future together, I thought we made each other better, however things went south when u lost ur job, then it seems something else bad happened and the curve balls didn't stop, next was ur failing health, I didn't have the wealth, to support u for months on end, plus u wouldn't change or bend, it was up to me, now I'm set free, yet I don't wanna be, I just want u to deal with ur problems and find peace, while I try to face failure and defeat, I beat myself up every minute of every day, I wait and pray, for some sort of miracle to occur, cuz I'm captivated by ur allure, ur the man of my fantasies and dreams, but things aren't always what they seem, who u are around others, isn't who u are alone with just ur lover, ur mostly tired and in pain, will this hurt ever wane, I'm heartbroken and furious, I tend to go overboard with wordiness, but I'm trying to get my point across, ur my partner not my savior or boss, I often felt neglected stifled and controlled, I've lost a huge chunk of my heart and soul, afraid of becoming old and alone, never finding my own happy home, without u I feel incomplete, miss laying at his feet, cuddling watching tv mostly Charmed, I wouldn't wish destruction or intentionally harmed, I feel awful about the way I handled things, so much sorrow dismantling brings, I can't make it thru a day without crying, I know we're all dying, but losing him is suffocatingly crushing, I definitely won't be diving in or rushing, it's gonna take a very long long time to heal, these past few weeks I've awoken hoping it all wasn't real, I don't know what's next, I feel extremely cursed and hexed, way way less than my best, like I failed life's test, I guess this is what I deserved and earned, altho there are many lessons about myself I've learned, I can't make sense of a good reason or meaning, why are we leaving if it's causing grieving, I don't wanna let him go, but I've simply run out of patience faith and hope!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/1/18

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Love & Care For Each Other But Not Friends Or Lovers

Back to insults and threats, he deserves everything he gets, and I don't feel bad at all, I was there for countless falls, but it was never enough, guess financial support isn't an expression of love, or driving u around for free, what was the last nice thing uve said or done for me, I'm sick of having to defend myself, u need professional help, u have no idea what the word partner means, belittling my fantasies ambition passion and dreams, is straight up selfish, the last 9 months were hellish, u have no idea what I've sacrificed and compromised, I'm tired of ur false accusations of cheating and lies, broken promises happen, but not following thru is ur talent, as well as manipulating the situation and misrecollecting true events, u see when making good arguments there's this thing called evidence, and it's based on actual facts, we're supposed to have each other's backs, but u can't save me from life, nor atrocity pain plight or strife, no one learns from other people's lessons, instead of complaining so much count ur blessings, I've been more than patient and kind, all this silent quiet waiting is driving me out of my mind, u don't deal with problems by walking away, or sweeping them up under the rug I'm afraid, u gotta want to be the change, maybe the hostility and resentment fades or wanes, perhaps time can heal and mend, we're always misunderstanding what the other meant, that's why texting isn't effective, a marriage is like a college sex isn't just a simple elective, it's a necessity/need, to earn and receive a degree, neither of us can afford our own place, we're letting what was once love turn to hate, but I'm done being taken for granted and neglected, I wanna feel wanted liked lusted safe and protected, stop with the judgments and shame, playing my heart like a game, I believed we were connected by our souls, seems we're both haunted by our pasts' ghosts, neither of us can let go, accept we have no control, and move on peacefully, I feel like I lost of piece of me, perhaps it's cuz he was my first, I think that's what makes the hurt worse, I still wish him well and good luck, but we can't be together with no trust, we can still love and care for each other, guess we unfortunately can't be best friends tho or monogamous lovers!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/31/18

Monday, January 29, 2018

Sorry Haters But Failure's Not In My Nature

I know sometimes I provide tmi, like I still get occasionally high, nothing's off limits, I'm not a disingenuous gimmick, I've got real talent, I'm mostly humble modest and valiant, an old school gentleman, I'm not afraid of my scars or skeletons, mine may be freaky but hot as hell, don't believe the gossip or rumors haters tell, but I really don't mind, I've got nothing to hide, a lil embarrassment and humiliation never hurt anyone, as long as it was all in good fun, there's a fine line, always treat everyone kind, cuz u don't know what they're going thru, yes u can walk a mile in someone else's shoes, but not their skin, how did we let evil win, guess they only had to once, hopefully we can survive the Drumpf, he gave our democracy a lobotomy, victims of misogyny sodomy, we need to be cleaned out colonically, what happened to rational common sense that's also logical, this isn't comical, it's treasonous and methodical, well thought out, a revolutionary bout is not allowed, we need their permission to protest picket and rally, I think I was happier and more fulfilled living in Cali, esp in San Diego, I felt en fuego, but in San Fran, I explored the gay college like magnetic mecca that made me into who I truly am, I'm not a fake facade/scam, I'm thankful to the fans, my music's more moving emotionally thought provoking than dance, take a chance, and have a listen, break that brain out of it's prison, be conscious, get rid of the obnoxious ignorant and toxic, let love's light shine bright, fight with ur whole soul's might, to do what u know in ur heart is right, don't be jaded by the awful atrocity and plight, humans have free will but very lil control, keep striving reaching and believing in achieving wishes dreams and goals, can't be perfect but should do our best, life isn't like the board game but it is a metaphorical test, there may be no prize, just a pointless exercise, to see ur level of patience and skills, existence is an expensive adventurous journey of risk taking leaps of faith and cheap thrills, cuz the best things and life are free, so fuck money and greed, don't judge me for smoking a lil weed, I'll do as I see fit and please, I'm not harming anyone, I don't even know how to buy knives sighs swords bombs or guns, it's not in my nature, I refuse to be abused regretful depressed or defeated by failure, people are fallible creatures, so caught up in materialistic possessions and superficial features, we need to search existentially deep inside, in order to identify rectify heal mend move on elevate and rise, we're defined by how we adapt to change, praying appears ineffective and strange, cuz unfortunately most of the problems we face are consequences man made, and perhaps maybe this time around we won't be saved!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/29/18