Thursday, June 21, 2018

All The Drama Of A Soap Opera Called Life

Don't take preference personally, ghosting really irks me, take things breath by breath, excessive worry and stress will be my death, please try not to listen, to hateful negative criticism, it'll only bring u down, words can be profound, both can be blessings, or used as weapons, so choose wisely, shouldn't come for or try me, cuz like Whitney "I don't know my own strength", many misinterpret what I meant, due to being short sighted and small minded, it's fascinating how jealousy and envy make us blinded, just like love and lust, heartbreak effects trust, leaving me jaded and cautious, pda makes me nauseous, get a room, I can't believe my relationship got ruined, over false accusations paranoia and insecurity, those lost souls and bad boys sure know how to reel in and lure me, guess these are growing pains, come in waves like the moon waxes and wanes, a never ending cycle of give and take, would u consider me genuine or fake, can one be too nice, when did it become boring and cheesy to do what's right, stop with the drama, it's life not a fucking soap opera, get out from behind those computer phone and tv screens, can't understand what giving up means, I'm overwhelmed with passion motivation and drive, suicide's not an option I'm happy to be alive, just wish existence wasn't so damn expensive, the gap between the rich and poor is quite extensive, some mistakes are irreversible, success takes patience practice good luck with timing and rehearsal, no excuses, it's why it's so illusive, most people lack energy and the will, barely scraping by after paying bills, lots of families are hurting, it's hard to fathom the level of evil lurking, ever since this administration took power, I feel like we're closer than ever before to the dawn of the final hour, what a scary thought, how could we allow our soul to be bought, at what cost, perhaps good and love lost, neither triumphed or conquered all, still I hope we can somehow miraculously recover from grace's fall!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
6/21/18

Monday, June 18, 2018

Try As Many Times As U Need To Succeed

Another year of the same old same old, why as we age don't we also grow, we need more diversity and inclusion, I'm sorry my mere presence is an intrusion, entertainers come in all backgrounds and forms, who decides and defines the norms, I rather not conform, it's so boring, keep being told to pay my dues, which is almost as annoying as the phrase fake news, I won't play politics, isn't performance all about talent skill and competence, every venue should be different, gay pride shouldn't be about being drunk vulgar or belligerent, all about shock value, like they just have to, make their point being offensive, always gotta be bigger flashier and more excessive, in most cases losing substance, can ya'll understand my reluctance, my own community doesn't support me, but more importantly, we're becoming judgmental and cliquey, I'm sure once I'm gone ya'll won't notice or miss me, I've lost my self confidence and worth, being left out hurts, tired of not even being acknowledged, I graduated from both high school and college, yet not compensated fairly, was hoping to be accepted by the leather and bear communities cuz I'm kinky chubby and hairy, no matter what, love is what I got, along with hope and faith, it's hard to have the patience to wait, when it seems those 15 mins aren't coming, it's hip hop that appears racist and shunning, ostracized cuz I'm gay and white, don't worry I expected the fight of my life, nothing is easy, this world's being run by the greedy evil and sleezy, they don't give a fuck about the needy, no wonder my eyes are repeatedly beady, I stay high all the time, so I can stay rationally sane and my mind fine, it's hard to maintain balance, we've turned away from empathy and valiance, morals and ethics are perceived cheesy, no one follows the golden rule and treats peeps decently, it's everyone for themselves, did u freeze ur stem cells, perhaps I should get cloned, when will old school music royalty be dethroned, when's the next generations turn, I feel success has been earned, but still no credit, if I didn't follow my dreams I would've regretted it, remember if at first u don't succeed, try try and try again as many times as u need!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
6/18/18

Friday, June 15, 2018

So Anxious He's Ungracious & Outrageous I'm Reacting Heinouss

Finally starting to regret my words, I wasn't justified because of the anger stemming from hurt, I lost control, felt he damaged both my reputation and soul, but he was right, all I could do was fight, constantly having to defend myself, even sought out professional help, but in the end, we can't be lovers or friends, and that just breaks my heart, he did say from the start, I simply thought he'd change his mind, too bad we can't press rewind, I'd go back and be the one to walk away, now I'm lonely and afraid, what if I don't find love again, like Pink sings "we're not broken just bent", can we ever recover, apologize and forgive each other, I honestly don't know, time isn't healing anything tho, I'm getting more and more resentful, life solo seems unfulfilling and uneventful, I can do it cuz I'm strong, can get lost in and put all those mixed emotions into a new song, unlike Taylor breakups aren't my muse, I don't wanna hear more bad news, we both need to catch a break, I wish I was blessed with the patience to wait, I'm overzealous and anxious, I too can be atrocious and react heinous, why was he so ungratefully ungracious, his lack of accountability was silly and outrageous, humans aren't angels, we're all connected and entangled, and then there's friction, I've got a social interaction addiction, not for sex drugs or booze, karaoke is one of my coping tools, also helps me practice to better my singing, I'm cursed with incessant over thinking, if only he found the trust, it was deeper than superficial lust, how can we go back, learn to cuddle hug kiss and laugh, is it possible to forget, did I make u too upset, why can't u see, I don't wanna be free, I wanted it to be, together forever ever and always u and me, but that dream is gone, gotta embrace the dawn, signaling the beginning of the next chapter, true happiness and unconditional love is what I'm after, maybe one day, the pain will fade, until then, trying to stay balanced and zen, so I don't go off the rails, nothing sucks more than admitting u did ur best yet still failed, nobody is perfect, but my insecurity keeps asking if I'm even worth it, should I be exempt, wish things ended civilly instead of with such hostility and contempt, guess I don't take criticism nor rejection well, perhaps I'm irredeemable and my final destination is hell!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
6/15/18

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Doing What's Human

The road to self discovery is long challenging and windy, sorry not sorry but I took the time to find me, I needed no ones approval or permission, eventually who we are comes into fruition, to hear ur calling u must first listen, try to be nonjudgmental and forgiving, cuz we as people are far from perfect, everyone should be loved and feel worth it, no matter what, be brave and have guts, u can be whatever u dream, remember nothing is as it seems, life is all illusion and perception, when ur in a dark place it's harder to see the blessings, we're all bestowed, follow ur heart and soul, it'll lead u in the right direction, fear is an infection, detoxify urself, sometimes we need meds or professional help, and there's nothing wrong with that, u can't stop people from talking bad about u behind ur back, just keep smiling and shining, they'll be crying and whining, wondering why, wishing they were that guy, since the grass seems greener from the other side, don't run and hide, resist and conquer, fight those evil monsters, does kindness really kill, there's an epidemic of abusing prescription pills, we're trying to numb the pain, existence isn't a game, we only get one world and one life, ur defined by how u react to the hurdles plight and strife, be ur own hero, instead of 2 fucks give zero, be proud of who u are, give some credit for making it this far, we can be our own worst enemy, especially with jealousy and envy, wounding our ego/pride, it's a beautiful gift to even be alive, open ur eyes wide, sit back relax and enjoy the ride, can't escape fate, are we predestined or is birth a clean slate, destiny has no hands, what's with society's outrageously expensive and high demands, let's make things simple, the speed bump's barely a blip or pimple, watch the waves, washing my footprints away, wanna do my part, leave a long legacy or lasting mark, to prove I was here, prefer to answer truth over dare, I may never find my pair, perhaps I've gone wrong awry and veered, who cares if I'm freaky kinky and weird, I'm an original individual, future generations won't benefit from residuals, we've kept kicking the can, never try to fully understand, consequences and ramifications are inevitable, my mistakes are regrettable, but like I said I'm only human, concentrate and focus more on what u urself are contributing and doing, stop the schmoozing and wooing, the unequal distribution and concentration of wealth will be our ruining!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
6/13/18   

May Not Recover From My Former Lover

Hurt people hurt people, funny how according to him I'm crazy toxic and evil, but usually the abused abuse, he's neglectfully forgotten or plain deluded and confused, it's the other way around, the regret is profound, I honestly wish we never met, I'm better off pretending he's dead, after all he ghosted me months ago, claimed I cheated was a barfly and an attention seeking hoe, I may have insulted him superficially but he's constantly attacked my character, when I think about his lack of responsibility I'm consumed by laughter, the truth always comes out, his insecurities and fears caused every single bout, I do wish him well I'm just angry, I hate that I still love him strangely, hope he's alright, but I just wanna yell and scream and fight, anything for him to wake the fuck up and get a clue, he would always say to me it's not what u say but what u do, I've done a ton how about u, feel like a fool cuz I fell for his ruse, a manipulative addict, would push and push and push and push til I finally had it, and lost my shit, he made me mentally unfit, he avoided problems, walking away was his how he coped and solved em, he would remain silent, making me infuriated and violent, altho I'd never hurt a fly, I'm a stoner who's usually high, so that's not my nature, sorry not sorry Kevin but now I hate ya, and that's sad to say, I can admit I got played, u used me dry, can't count the tears I've cried, but I am learning to let go, to all those saying we'll get back together HELL NO, I won't go backwards in life, made that mistake twice, what can I say other than I'm wicked stubborn, please don't believe the lies he's uttering, or actually go ahead, he made his bed, now he can lay in it, the version of me at the end wasn't my favorite, I chose to show my ugly side, he knew full well I'm an Italian Gemini, yet it didn't stop him from trying to change me, I'm very much enjoying being single lately, I think about him all the time, as I'm sure ya'll can tell from my rhymes, spewing venom out of spite, even tho I know it aint right, or a depiction of who I really am, I'm dealing with this the best way I can, not good at all, why couldn't he pick up the phone and call, maybe even apologized, he never budged or compromised, how did I become the villain, he was the one who was helpless and unwilling, I did so much, but I think it was out of just lust, he was hot and sexy as hell, unfortunately we didn't seem to mesh or gel, it's still quite a damn shame, someone I called my soulmate caused so much lasting damage and pain, I seriously might not recover, wow I never thought I would despise my former lover!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
6/13/18

Monday, June 11, 2018

Finished Cuz He Disrespected My Limits

It's Pride month, which reminds me I fell in love once, but now it's over, a weight's been lifted off my shoulders, I'm finally free, to be plain old me, no need to change, retracted my claws and fangs, I'd rather be single, a social butterfly ready to mingle, being nice isn't flirting, keep ignoring problems cuz it's u ur hurting, repeating that vicious cycle, he felt possessively entitled, unwilling to share, questioning if I truly cared, lacking trust, now I hate his guts, my consciousness perceives him dead, don't believe any of the bullshit he fed, I was the one ghosted, always drove paid and hosted, but he was so ungrateful, attacked my character calling me crazy lazy spoiled and unfaithful, when I never cheated, I'm the opposite of disingenuous and conceited, I prefer to help others, I never cut out of my life ex lovers, it came so natural to him, the light from the fire between us went dim, and eventually was extinguished, there wasn't any closure we were just finished, I was blocked, antagonized and mocked, portrayed the villainous bad guy, then things went mad awry, insults got out of hand, he lives in some delusional land, where nothing is ever his fault, he tried locking me in a vault, only he had access to, and was in fact a fool, with my love blinders on, got gullibly conned, he was so strikingly handsome and sexy, tried to take the best of me, to lift himself up, no matter what I didn't do enough, he's better now than before, wish we could've been more, guess it wasn't meant to be, the future is impossible to see, but I will become successful, our relationship was regrettable, wish it never happened, it was soul sucking and fattening, I felt so helplessly trapped, got stabbed both in the heart and back, he was quite evil, figures the proverbial needle, would find this sucker, he was one mean sarcastic mother fucker, his own parents were frightened and scared, insisted I kept my goatee or beard, when I like being fully shaven, he was relentlessly criticizing and blaming, everyone else, but ignored how we felt, constantly walking away, his communication skills deserved a failing grade, u can't sweep shit under the rug, and we can't be fixed with an I'm sorry a kiss or big bear hug, we are absolutely finished, that's what happens when a partner doesn't respect boundaries nor limits!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
6/11/18

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Great Innate Retrospection

Now that the toxicity is gone, I can finally move on, sorry to be so vulgar and hateful, but my ex was super abusive neglectful and hateful, but enough about him, my life is about to rebegin, I'm 100% single, and totally ready to mingle, so who wants to go on a date, I believe finding true unconditional love is fate, I'm not perfect but I'm pretty great, retrospection is innate, I'm always reflecting learning and growing, never claim to be always right or all knowing, I try to stay humble and modest, genuine straightforward and honest, I took the time to find who I really am, not just interested in getting off or rammed, I want someone with substance, who sees the bigger picture and circumference, well rounded and level headed, why is marriage so encouraged and embedded, I don't need a ring or certificate to be happy, nor do I want a sugar daddy, I'm independent passionate talented and driven, all about conscious living, please be woke, focus on the approach, instead of sitting idly by, don't judge me for getting high, we all have our vices, u get way further with niceness, but sometimes u need to stand firm, against the snakes fakes flakes and worms, sneaking and slithering their way in, highlighting ur sin, to deflect from theirs, research someone by talking to peers, it takes more energy to hold on then let go, remember u reap what u sow, so karma can be a bitch, most don't get rich quick, it takes hard work perseverance and persistence, u should honor ur promises and commitments, otherwise ur word has no value or meaning, I'm gonna keep expressing how I'm feeling, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, unfiltered and uncensored, I'm self taught not mentored, someday my fifteen minutes will come, and I won't forget where I'm from, but I can't stay here, especially out of fear, it's almost that time, leave the past behind, try someplace else, and hope it helps, maybe even heals, I'm done getting the raw end of deals, just cuz I'm a nice guy I'm doomed to be last, my disappointment won't be masked in fact, u can follow my diary, if ur a fan or admire me, I'm an open book, I'll get back what he took, and I'll be better than before, it's human nature to want it all and more!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
6/5/18