I've been really trying, to keep my soul from tiring, so drained, seems I can't be trained, to just absorb and swallow, already feeling empty and hollow, cuz the loves of my life have died, struggling to be included in Pride and can't understand why, it should be automatic, the lack of support is traumatic, many think I'm dramatic, but at almost 42 I must be tragic, holding onto these extreme big dreams, of touring stadiums and being nominated for Grammys, been unemployed since 2020, existence is wicked funny, do we live to work, why do my boundaries make me the jerk, am I spoiled and selfish, caretaking for my mom was hellish, but I'm still here, dealing with irrational fear, yet more confident in myself than ever, almost completely untethered, it's weird to have both deep roots and wings, have absolutely no interest in materialistic things, wish I could find my people, who believe hundred billionaires are evil, and boomers should finally pass the torch, instead I spend most hours of my days chillen doin music on the side porch, contemplating what I'm goin to do, especially like how I should move, altho I know and truly believe, I am exactly right where I need to be, debating fate vs free will, ain't no forward motion stuck in RI still, but I have and hold hope, as well as a ton more therapeutic tools to resiliently cope!
Joe Conscious
3/15/24
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