Ladders Matter When Angst Is Ranked

Regaining the will to live, but being mindful how much I share and give, cuz I gave way to freely, never been super touchy feely, I do love intimacy and affection, don't need protection, except from myself, shouldn't be too prideful to ask and accept help, we only get one life, something about virtual reality and gaming just ain't right, yet another illusion of escape, most kids are filled with misplaced rage and hate, chalk it up to pubescent angst, does anybody like being ranked, in my own lane, and it's hard to stay sane, this industry is rough and tough, success is when preparedness meets opportunity and luck, which I simply haven't had, can't take shit personally or think I'm bad, money and popularity won't matter, ultimately my talent and skill will get me to the top of the hip hop/rap ladder!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/27/24

Endure Way More Sadisticness Galore

What to say today, isn't listen and obey, how about read and understand, wish peeps could be both friend and fan, instead y'all support strangers over who u know, I can tell alot about who's asking by calling me JC or Joe, my bubble is way bigger than my circle, the past 6 years have been a nonstop obstacle course of hurdles, defined mostly by my resilience to grief, no amount of selfless good deeds, could ever bring my happiness back, perhaps if I had my sister or dad, what I'm goin thru with mom, wouldn't cause so much harm, I'm suffocating and drowning, this experience has been harrowing, way more than any one man should endure, it's like sadisticness galore, does God get his jollies off, sits there on his cloudy perched porch and sarcastically scoffs, did u learn ur lesson yet, cuz in life this is as good as blessings get!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/25/24

The Plight & Strife Of Life

Today mom has chemo, as far as we know, her floor had an outbreak of covid, as if cancer wasn't hard enough to cope with, the woman can't catch a break, why is suffering humanity's fate, is the afterlife our reward, how long will we be mourned, does that define us, what's behind trust, is it hope or faith, I hate funerals and wakes, been to way too many, is there any sort of penalty, if like pets we get put down, why isn't death dignified like a crown, so much fear of the unknown, instead of having to listen to u bitch and bemoan, stop trying to escape, just run and hide away, ull perpetually be tested, God doesn't care how much uve invested, there's no toll, nor any reliable poll, that can properly judge, it's wasteful to envy and begrudge, own ur life, cuz there's nothing more character building than overcoming plight and strife!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/24/24

Sheesh...Good Grief

As I close this chapter I've come to believe, the overall theme that screams seems to be sheesh...good grief", use art as therapy, helping to create and make a better me, working on myself, understanding the power of wealth, which transcends money, a much higher frequency/vibration that's especially funny, super socially awkward and quirky, yet totally infectiously authentic and worthy, altho the future seems murky, I remain quite the flirty perky turkey, knowing that I have unwavering faith, I'll pave my own way, redefining what success means to me, as well as words like best or reasonably, what wisdom has exposed and shown, with the death of all my roots a whole new Joe's grown, rather truly beautifully indubitably, loving live hip hop performing's presumably rudly unruly and uncomputably cool beans b, shouldn't judge a book by its cover, I've survived the loss of my dad and sis but this is on another level losing my mother!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/22/24

Why's The Truth Aloof

Ain't gonna front, tho they gave a few months, the time is now, and I don't know how, to break the news, some are so confused, u have to spoon feed, even then they're delayed to believe, the ultimate inevitable truth, why is communicative understanding aloof, the divide is so wide, the only real place to hide, is somewhere amongst the grayish in-between, this nightmarish dream, it would seem keeps getting worse, won't dwell on the hurt, just shine my bright white light, writing poetry and more music helping to fight, for the greater good, why do I gotta be from the gutter or hood, to be a rapper taken seriously, I've been rocking mics and stages creatively for years fearlessly, sharpening my talent and skills, hopefully someday getting to a place where it'll pay all my bills!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/22/24

Sweet Sorrow Feelings' Meaning

It was like a collective acceptance with an answer, even though yes of course fuck cancer, now it's palliative care, it somehow softens the fear, let's just show up, with all the positivity musterable and love, like she gave us, I'll tell u the woman's got guts, and unbelievable strength, just when u thought she was spent, her smile radiated, we are just so ingratiated, whatever time's left, we should make it the best, enjoy each and every precious moment, I highly condone it, no regrets, add lots of hugs kisses and zest, life's a test and a hot mess for sure, but it isn't also perpetual guaranteed more, the end gives living meaning, that's that Shakespearean sweet sorrow feeling, it's just a natural part of it, so brace urselves for lots of impossibly hard shit!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/19/24

What A Big Beautiful Bright Light's Fight

Oh man, God damn, is all I can say, it had to be this way, I kind of understand, not a fan, I'd just do it differently, but then again life isn't simply, I won't make this long, maybe someday I'll write a song, this will be difficult, adding injury to insult, losing my last root, is like being kicked in the face with a stealtoed boot, ull be met with so much love, lots of familial kisses and hugs, she will finally be at peace, me too at least, it is still hard, what a hand dealt in cards, I hope she knows I'll be alright, she definitely put up a warrior style fight, thru all the pain plight and strife, she maintained being a magnificently inspiring big beautiful bright light!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
7/17/24

Lots Of Love & Positive Prayer To Show We're There & Care

Finding strength I didn't know I had, must be from sis and dad, this isn't easy whatsoever, I'm prepared as best as possible if she doesn't get better, especially this time around, the amount this woman's been thru is profound, what a warrior, I wish her nothing but peace love and euphoria, she's suffered enough, and altho she is tough, she's only human, even when she's gone life won't be ruined, she'll be with us in a different way, I've learned that's not just ok, it's actually ideal too, I empathize and feel u, simply can't help save change or really fix this shit, gotta grow thicker skin my backbone and unfortunately somehow learn to cope and deal with it, best we can, take my hand, let's be there and show her we care, thru lots of love and positive prayer!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/16/24

They Can't See This Loss Is About Me

When I look out there, think to myself I lack a pair, but I've been lucky, a family who loved me, on the precipice of being totally gone, there is no right or wrong, I'm dealing the best I can, I'm still just a young man, finally grown, yet haven't reaped all I've sown, planted alot of seeds, wholeheartedly believe, my time to shine is on its way, running low tho I'm afraid, my cup's almost empty, my mom is incredibly pretty legendary, it's completely defeatingly deeply overwhelming u see, I can't help everybody else unfortunately this loss is about me!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/15/24

Her Divine Fine Is Mine Too

Thru her eyes I must look a mess, wish worry and trust weren't a wild guess, always wanted u to know, I'll be better than ok tho, cuz of u and dad, yes not having Gia here is sad and makes me mad, but she knew too, I will make it thru, ur strength is mine, I've got that divine fine, he's got me I know this, and it's not some protected bliss, I don't understand it either, I'm a love bleeder, a soul sharer, an unconditional carer, with an undimmable light, watching u throughout my life has given me my might to fight, yet another day, I don't know how when or why but I will definitely eventually find my way!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/14/24

Own Moments Cuz There's No Atonement

Sometimes filling a role, can take a toll, extending an olive branch, or a forgiving helping hand, can change the trajectory, and is absolutely necessary, since most men don't have that skill, like I can't hunt battle or kill, that's not within my nature, even if I should I couldn't hate ya, somehow can keep finding the good, empaths and healers are overlooked and often misunderstood, keep ur medal, I know I'm special, but power equates responsibility, life isn't endless continuity silly, there's a beginning and death, I do often wonder what happens next, try not to wallow tho, down that rabbit hole, rather remain present, never been socially hesitant, an introverted extrovert, both caregiving and grief hurt, can't tell u which is worse, especially when immersed, there is always a light, so we all must warrior resiliently thru and fight, now more than ever, stop pretending we have forever, own each precious moment, cuz at the end of the day there's no atonement!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/13/24

Smile Turned Frown Letdown

Yet another letdown, smile turned frown, can't catch a break, when these gays be fake, run away when things get hard, no wonder y'all won't get far, thing is the shoe will change feet, and at the moment ur most weak, karma will show u what u gave, companionship is what I crave, but it'll only work with genuine authenticity, u don't need to be gorgeous or even pretty, be urself, show up for people when they need and u can help, cuz just a basic simple warning, compassion forgiveness and grace are super duper uber important!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/12/24

My 3 Favorite Things

Gotta give it to God and trust I won't get fucked, if I really stop and think about it I have the best luck, I had the greatest family ever, time doesn't heal grief but there spirit with me helps to feel better, in fact now they're with me everywhere, thru joy sorrow and fear, I carry my sister's smile, channel dad every once in while, mostly when it comes to the dogs, but ultimately it's my mom who's embedded in me more, her strength and resilience is unparalleled, they're like chocolate peanut butter and caramel, my 3 favorite things, and as cliché as it sounds like Bette sings they're "the wind beneath my wings"!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/11/24

Won't Break And'll Be Ok

Most don't have a clue what I'm goin thru, u don't have to be an asshole to prove ur an alpha dude, what's worse than needy is wanty, if I wasn't there for my mom it would haunt me, even tho she's so frail and looks uncomfortable, she resiliently warriors thru the painful struggle, she's my spirit animal/inspiration, and sometimes that's rather kinda intimidating, cuz my whole family was amazing, but what a huge transformation, over the last 6 years I've made, never ever thought to quit nor cave, I stayed strong, kept holding on like the lyrics of my song, I always knew Jackie, when push came to shove had me, just like Trev Ryan Eric Mari & Cait, with great unconditional friendship and love I know in my head heart and soul I'll be ok and promise I won't break!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

7/8/24

Why God Why

I wish I could find a way, to get thru another day, cuz honestly I'm trapped, in the darkest black, it's creeped and seeped deep inside, how do I escape and hide, even for just a lil while, I don't wanna feel like I'm faking a smile, to protect everybody else, most don't know how to help, I've never been one to pressure, perhaps I am lesser, neglected attention, incessantly mentioned, I've been begging for company, I dream of celebrating triumphantly, a bit of success, I know I am but don't feel blessed, in fact I seem cursed, everything inevitably gets worse, can't stop empathizing mom, this pain and suffering is causing such irreparable harm, I can't imagine goin on, starting to believe hope and faith is one giant con, but like Pac "still I rise", while drowning in the tears I cry, I don't want her to die, why God why?

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
7/7/24

So Sick Of Stupidly Douchey Jerks & The Exploitive Evil That Lurks

I'm so sick and tired of bullshitting fakes and flakes, looking forward to more digidates, I had pretty much given up, on ever finding a best friend I could also love, most alphas are literally dicks, treating overtrusting betas like shit, and they think that's ok, like we're lesser than cuz we're gay, no u can't spit or piss on me or call me fag, I'm always down for a good laugh, but hateful mean abuse isn't funny, ur not automatically worthy of a sub's money, go get a fucking job, stop exploiting us u spoiled entitled slob, karma and the universe will eventually get u, there's nothing more frustratingly infuriating than a lack of follow thru, a man is only as good as his word, no wonder why ur overvalued u barely have worth, at the end of the day evil lurks, and most of these supposed Master's are lying stupidly douchey jerks!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
7/5/24

Gotta Believe We Can Manifest Our Dreams

The most powerful statement is I am, and u should follow it up with the best u can, cuz that's how manifestation happens, I bet many of u are laughing, but it's the gods honest truth, so many people are aloof, especially to the fact, that they too can conjure a similar magical act, but dream big, change the way u think and live, instead of a 9 to 5, I wanted to write and perform music til the day I die, every day I awake, I listen to songs and get baked, which is far from perfect, being sad and miserable all the time ain't worth it, takes so much negative energy, no wonder trust can't be built if everybody's ur enemy, sounds like ur the problem, stop just wanting superstardom, u need a hard work ethic, persistent consistency is the metric, sounds like y'all want fortune and fame, u see to me life isn't some game, it may be delirious, I take each day very serious, trying to make a conscious effort, never to be hopelessly desperate, instead have faith and believe, there'll come a point where ull eventually be validatingly heard felt and seen!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
7/2/24