Can't write anything nice, so now I think twice, about posting poems, that stupid saying sticks and stones, is bullshit and a lie, u know why, cuz words hurt worse, lately my gift feels like a curse, perhaps I won't share, since people don't seem to care, they want racy semi naked dick pics or funny memes, ya'll laugh in my face when I tell u my dreams, u aren't supportive, ur extortive, looking for shit, just to threaten me with, u blackmail and criticize, focus on only my lies, when u don't know the meaning of truth or trust, ur a codependent crutch too much, possessive and controlling, I'm done pampering and consoling, too giving with lil receiving, ur excuses and apologies aren't worth believing, u use me as an escape, I can't magically make ur problems go away, u have to deal with them, stop playing victim and take accountability then, same troubles uve had before we met, u talk about me but how bout u follow thru on one of ur multiple bets, or better yet getting help, why don't u focus on urself, like u keep saying u will, after this weekend u can pick up the hotel bill, and find ur own rides, told u not to smoke cigs in my car many times, and I won't loan u anymore money, u think withholding sex and threatening is funny, u tell me don't say things I don't mean, u drink like a fiend, buying half pints and nips before goin out to the bar, look at the mileage I racked up driving to Fall River which is far, I've forgiven u, unlimited too, even drove to Boston to pick up ur friend, right after u broke up with me yet again, and he stayed at my parent's house, ur pissed at me cuz ur no longer allowed, it's rather silly, u don't take any responsibility, actually it's very annoying, my anxiety and blood pressure's so high I'm boiling, u still rarely ever say sorry, I was sick this weekend and still took u to ur friend's party, tho u promised u wouldn't drink, ur pushing me close to the edge so I'm right on the brink, at the point of no return, I may not always listen but u don't learn, I'm sick of ur double standards and hypocrisy, relationships are a democracy, I only wanna role play behind closed doors, I'm kinky at the core and shouldn't have to beg for more, u make me out to be this bad person, complain about living at home and the job u hate working, but don't do anything to try and change ur situation, constantly criticizing the music I'm making, like u always know and do better, I'm not making the promise anymore of being together forever, til u deal with what u need to, I've bent over backwards to please u, but nothing is ever good enough, my family is right this isn't love!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/18/17
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