Getting very close to the end, still wondering if we can be friends, if ull try to get revenge, this was never my intent, I meant it when I said forever ever and always my love, but enough is enough, u refuse help, so I can only focus on myself, they say if u love someone sometimes u have to let them go, I hope he eventually would come back to me tho, but I can't stay waiting, nobody's that patient, however I'm not rushing into another relationship so soon, I feel like a big buffoon, I haven't let anybody in this close, ur simple presence will be missed the most, I need to cut off all ties, we've circled the same fight too many times, this just isn't healthy, and since neither one of us is wealthy, living at our parent's home, the future is hopelessly unknown, perhaps after ur trial, and seeing a professional for a lil while, time can heal and mend our wounds, people aren't entombed in doom, there's the ability to change, not calling u my boyfriend anymore will be strange, but it's not the last love for either of us, it takes risk a leap and guts, I wish nothing but the best for u, I'll be a mess too, u were my first, I don't believe being gay is a curse, mental illness is rampant in our community, no person has immunity, struggling is a part of life, it's how we react to the plight and strife, that is defining, quit the bitching pity partying and whining, we're responsible for our own actions, hurt isn't worth masking, stop saying ur fine, drowning ur sorrows in perks pot liquor beer or wine, and try dealing with ur shit, God doesn't give us stuff if we can't handle it, tho it doesn't seem possible or fair, u should know how much I care, that I stayed and lasted this long, I'm sure ull inspire a few poems or a song, u are super special, my behavior was unacceptable and regrettable, now I have to learn from my mistakes, and do whatever it takes, to move on, I'm like a spool of yarn, slowly unraveling, I might again start traveling, cuz I want things to be different, we can't control every instant, perfection isn't achievable, progress tho is perceivable, if ur willing, guess I should get back to billing, work is very important, it aids in contortioning, or at least distracting, I'm back to being only a fraction, half of a whole, I feel like I've lost part of my heart and soul, totally incomplete, I'll miss his stinky feet, and of course his smile, it'll be torture not to text or dial, I'm not good at ghosting or benching, I refuse to let the love turn to hate is definitely worth mentioning, ur hugs and kiss will absolutely be missed, who knows I still hope that maybe one day we can recapture the magic/bliss!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/13/17
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