Breaking up is so hard to do, but we gotta do what's right for both me and u, parting is such sweet sorrow, even tho we aren't promised u should still plan for tomorrow, stop manipulating using fear, I'm not going anywhere, this is where I am at and apparently need to be, we can be together yet still be free, I don't know how to deal with addiction or codependency, why don't u trust or believe this isn't the fatalistic end of we, I accept u unconditionally and ur past, u keep looking far into the distant future moving us way too fast, when we gotta pragmatically and realistically deal with the responsibility that comes with the now, I don't have magical nor rational solutions of any clue how, I just do the best I can, perfection isn't something common sense demands, it isn't my expectation from a fallible man, I'm not intentionally trying to lie omit or scam, I'm simply in self preservation mode, we both are living at our parent's home, and until we get one of our own, controlling and dictating how I spend my time and money will not be condoned, focus on urself, follow my lead and get professional help, I'm not saying this to make u feel or look bad, a total lack of any support system makes me worried scared and very sad, I didn't mean those nasty things I said, I would severely be crushed and feel responsible if I found out u hurt urself or wind up dead, I love u forever and ever and always it's just that simple, I'm like a trick candle scar wart or acne pimple, that won't go away yet so gross, the hardest thing for me is to not see the best in people to let go, I'm totally fucked up in the head and a kinky soul I know, I mean enjoying sucking sniffing and licking between stinky toes, but no matter what I don't regret owning it and I'm not ashamed, sick and tired tho of playing those blame games, who's at fault right or wrong, yes I'd eventually like to get married have kids win Grammys make my own beats and videos to my songs, but that's why I ask for ur patience and time, stop replying ur fine, when clearly ur not, I can forgive but I haven't forgot, some space apart, might heal our hearts, but it's not like that's what I ever wanted, since I've been with u I've never cheated or wondered, sure I've complimentary chatted and shared racy pics, but never made moves kissed been fucked or fucked touched or sucked any other dicks, sometimes we need an ego boost, I can't isolate myself from family friends exes or my roots, that doesn't mean I love u or prioritize u any less, please stop already with the presumptuous assumption paranoia insulting and insinuating guess, everybody gossips and gabs, it's weird u excessively keeping tabs, I can't fight ur battles, I'm not a pup slave or subservient cattle, I'm a unique special submissive passionately driven independent individual, I mean it when I say we're theoretically indivisible, but everyone has breaking points boundaries and limits, just like bondage for me is a necessary form of meditation not a temporary gimmick, it's like writing running jerking off doing karaoke or open mics, I never understood u criticizing my Facebook actions when u have maximum friends and get way more provocative messages comments and likes, it's what I meant by u having double standards, I'm not being mean I'm being truthful and candid, I accept accountability for my flaws and mistakes, why can't u focus on the positives cut me some slack and say thanks, the threatening is deafening, I can't help or stop others from being rude misleading or meddling, I totally understand the guts it takes to trust, u need to fundamentally know I not only love u but lust, sex isn't everything in a relationship but compatibility and reciprocity is a must, thinking texting is an effective form of communication is crazy nuts, I can't be ur whole world ur everything nor ur one and only, u too need family friends hobbies and dreams to succeed be fulfilled not resentfully bored alone and lonely, u can't and shouldn't change either to take on mine, that is a warning/danger sign, my last resort is to cut someone out completely, but like I said ur my soulmate and u too complete me, but if I have to I will and not to simply survive, I can absolutely move on persevere solo and thrive, and that's not bullying being arrogant or cocky, I'm stubborn as hell and won't let anyone or anything stop me!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/28/17
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