I don't understand the idea of tough love, denying someone support or a comforting hug, I understand people want to have to save themselves, there's only so much I can do to help, but it frustrates the crap out of me, I truly believe health insurance should be free, as well as education, why such expensive water oil food and medication, who actually regulates prices, I think u get a lot further in life by exhibiting niceness, instead of fighting wars all the time, I'm asking like DMX for "Lord give me a sign", this curse seems divine, altho I have hope it'll work out fine, I could just be naive or in denial, so anxious to see what will happen at trial, perhaps it'll give him a kick in the butt, cuz I simply have had enough, this not knowing is too much, it's unhealthy for a relationship to be ur only crutch, it's just unfair, u should trust I care, I'm tired of being ur whole world, the diamond in the rough/pearl, however finances are becoming one less stress, if he changes to better himself is the best litmus test, cuz I can't take total responsibility and burden, I smile outside but inside I'm hurting, he's even older than I am, while he's more the alpha dominant man, I'm the emotional submissive one, which in the bedroom is absolutely fun, but I often feel like an addiction or possession, I wanna be unconditionally loved not a prized obsession, much too independent stubborn and feisty to be controlled, we are complimenting opposite souls, on many levels, but insecurity dishevels, erodes us at our foundational core, my mind is sore, only cuz I overanalyze worry and think excessively, won't let gossiping rumors and assumption get the best of me, gotta turn I into us and we, and try to get into pee, since he flags yellow, wish he'd smoke pot to get more mellow, it's better than drinking, why's he depressing and sinking, I guess I'm not making him happy, he brings me tons of candy like twizzlers blow pops and laffy taffy, which I share with my mom, who unfortunately never remains calm, she overworked and mad frazzled, him and I may be gay but not bedazzled, we're both very masculine, if ur wondering who's more attractive then, he believes it's me but most say it's him, probably from those dark features he's thin and that grin, he's very strikingly sexy, I love when he lays next to me, giving me comfort safety and joy, open to exploring fetishes and kinks with toys, trying together to be more versatile, do ya'll agree or disagree that God is merciful, cuz the universe and karma can be big bitches, one complaint about being bound is when ur nose itches, usually right after uve lost all movement and power, inflicting pain makes me limp and cower, we have a lot to learn about each other's boundaries and limits, he loves popping zits, which seems really gross, but then again I like being forced sniffing sucking on and licking in between his sweaty smelly toes, especially wearing the same socks for a few days, we have such a ball whenever we play, I just wanna make sure my man is satisfied, even if I have to switch roles so he's the one tied, get him all horny so he drips, fuck pussy like Pac says getting revenge is the sweetest joy next to getting dick!
Peace and 1,
JC
9/12/17
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