Not Ready Too Unsteady

I don't know what to do, I really wanna be with u, but it seems we're toxic for one another, and u already said u don't wanna be friends just lovers, so we're at the same ultimatum again, when will the tumultuousness and volatility end, ur so grumpy analytical and on edge, I walk on egg shells around u on a tiny ledge, while u threaten to commit suicide without me, now I just wanna be single and free, cuz ur too overprotective, super jealous and possessive, yet totally insecure and untrusting, why don't u believe me when I say ur the only one I'm lusting, u nit pick my motives for talking and befriending people, the way u criticize me makes it seem like I'm not only a bad person but maliciously evil, but honestly ur the one who's gaslighting, u keep misdirecting projecting and cause incessant mass fighting, just cuz uve been abused, doesn't justify doing it to me too, u must break the cycle, sleep and therapy/counselling are absolutely vital, especially to ur mental health, everybody wants and dreams of great wealth, but money doesn't make u happy or fulfilled, on the other hand we aren't born to simply work and pay bills, where's the fun in life, we're all consumed by pain and strife, it's even hard to smile, what I'd give to be stress free for a lil while, I love u but I love me more, stop presumptuously assuming I'm a lying cheating whore, cuz I'm not, I've given this relationship all I've got, and it doesn't seem to be enough, what it comes down to is u just don't trust, ur severely depressed, u sure u love me or u addicted and obsessed, they're not the same thing, I remember the joy I used to bring, now I'm the source of ur anxiety, uve completely withdrawn from the rest of society, making me ur whole world, how do u not have confidence after all uve overcome and hurdled, ur braver and stronger than u know, u definitely don't give urself enough credit tho, we are often our own harshest critic, u need to better control ur temper and anger so u don't get so livid, it deeply effects me as an empath, I profusely apologize to anybody that has to feel my wrath, once I blow and explode, my biggest flaw is I don't know how to let shit go, so I harp and dwell, over analyze everything to hell, I'm blessed but cursed, being too smart for ur own good is the worst, wish u would figure out what it is u want, can't u occasionally pick the restaurant, all the decisions are mine, and u say they're fine, until a week later, when u show how ur a hater, telling me I need to change, ur recollection of things is delusional and deranged, u make shit up, talking to u is too tough, u don't listen and just shut down, the severity of this situation is profound, I'm hoping we can turn this ship around, please refrain from turning an anthill into a mole mound, stay here in reality, perhaps we should go back to dating casually, cuz it seems neither of us are ready, we can't hold on since we're both unsteady.

Peace and 1,
JC
8/17/17