I'm just so worn and torn, trying to be reborn but all I do is mourn, making it impossible to move on, was this all a true con, wasn't love but addiction, look at the pain separation is inflicting, can people change and get better, did we jinx ourselves saying forever, I'm so used to the abuse, it's almost become a muse, but we're both guilty, I feel filthy, lying to my folks, wish this was a nightmare/hoax, it seems the reality of the situation, we're simply impatient, but for different reasons, everything that happens has an existential meaning, or so I believe, I really need a reprieve, I don't care how long he takes, neither time nor space, will alter the way I feel, u can keep trying to shelter and shield, it motivates me more, my competitive nature is hardcore, this is my life, I dictate the amount of pain and strife, that is tolerated and allowed, did ya'll know my last name means cow, so u can bet I'm ready for another milking, yes he's the dilfing, even tho he has no kids, who is anyone to judge or dictate how I live, despite I asked for ur opinions and advice, sometimes I make the same mistakes twice or thrice, maybe on a dozen occasions, I'm already predicting many won't be happy hearing about our engagement, but I honestly don't care, existence isn't so lonely when ur paired, relationships are crazy and volatile, he makes me smile for while, and the good outweighs the bad, so what we drive each other mad, I have hope and faith in him, walking away cuz things get hard is the ultimate sin, and I couldn't live with myself, abandoning someone who wants help, especially those without a support system, I gotta learn to shut up and listen, not to my head but my heart, there is such a thing as being too smart, and I am proof, why do I over-analyze what's aloof, beyond comprehension or control, I know he has a good soul, so what if he's damaged or broken, I'm done excessively toking, I'm of sound body and mind, give trust and permission for him to confine and bind, so I can worship his stinky feet, suck his toes and lick in between clean, I knew at first sight and sniff, the universe led me to this sexy gift, it's far from perfect, but totally worth it, ultimately my choice, tune out the white noise, focus on the ecstasy, of having him every night sleep next to me, the man of my fantasies and dreams, nobody's as happy as they pretend to seem, it's all an illusion, the world is filled with chaos and confusion, yet the one thing I know for a fact, is he will always stand by my side and has got my back!
Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/11/17
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