Why Lie

I too pathologically lie, I don't even know why, it's usually about stupid shit, and when confronted I can't handle it, I get defensive, I'm simply apprehensive, cuz of the embarrassment and shame, the truth shouldn't be a game, I just don't wanna be reminded of my mistakes, and will do whatever it takes, to prove I'm different and have changed, this fighting is making me deranged, gotta let the past go, look for the light at the end of the tunnel/road, things can't get much worse, losing love always hurts, no matter what I refuse to hate, went from strangers to marriage without a chance to date, and get to know one another, I don't care about ur past lovers, but u harp on mine, when I tell u to take care of urself u say ur ok and fine, u really aren't tho u know, we keep sinking to new lows, whether threats of suicide, exposing secrets or telling me to die, we both say mean things, I wish I had wings, so I could fly away instead of running, it's not fair ur so sexy and stunning, and yet ur afraid of losing me, I should set u free, and learn to live alone, I miss the idea of our happy home, wedding bliss, the comfort of ur grip and kiss, cuddling next to u in bed, our relationship seems dead instead, how do we move on from here, I'll forever ever and always care, but love isn't enough, I've destroyed any and all possibility of trust, why didn't I have the guts, nor the fortitude to ignore the lust, I'm pretty disgusting, the strength to awake and face another day I'm having trouble mustering, I'm totally drained and weak, we bottomed out when we should've peaked, it's only been about 5 months, and I've only been inside u once, practically begging for kinky sex, our time together has gotten less and less, and it's all my fault, our hearts are locked in separate vaults, no matter how hard I try, we cannot deny, this simply isn't healthy, perhaps if we were a lil more wealthy, things would be better, I'm such a freak I need to be tied and tethered, dominated and pleasured, the weirdo into smelly feet and leather, I despise myself, been getting professional help, but I can't alter who I am, perhaps ur looking for more of a vanilla virginal pure man, I understand, u probably feel scammed, u should've known tho with the screenname bondagefootpig, that this was a part of how I live, I can't switch it off, those excessive cigs aren't helping ur cough, and u shouldn't drink away ur sorrows and pain, I'm deeply saddened ur parents won't accept the fact ur gay, on top of that my folks are upset, they're not ready to forgive and forget, and I don't blame them, we argue again and again, uve already said we can't be friends, I don't wanna admit or acknowledge that this may be the end!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/15/17